It's a Whole New World! (Nothing to do with dogs and everything to do with new technology)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

This blog doesn’t really have much to do about dogs, except I think of lots of these things while out walking with them.  It’s when I do my best thinking and lately, I have been thinking that I’m falling farther behind with all the new technology.  Hayley and I went on a road trip this weekend to North Carolina to visit my grandson and everything about the GPS I used got on my nerves.  I remember the days when we just used a map and the hardest thing about it was figuring out how to re-fold it when we were done. Now, I have a woman shouting, “recalculating” over and over again when I refuse to go the way she tells me.  I found myself yelling at her to shut up and today I actually told her I was going right when she told me to stay left and when Hayley said I would be then going the wrong way, I told her I was tired of someone telling me what to do. Hayley, of course, told me my reasoning made no sense, but I felt empowered for just a moment…right before I stayed left.

 

As often happens on road trips, a trip to a rest stop is inevitable and caused me yet again to reflect about “the good old days.”  I hate the automatic toilet flushers because I don’t think I have ever entered a stall where the timing goes off without a hitch.  I want to flush my own toilet, when I want, and not have the thing go off as I enter the stall, or stand up and have nothing happen.  Unlike Dr. Oz I am not one of those people who likes to see more than I have to in the bathroom.  All I want is to be in control of my own destiny and have toilet paper that comes out willingly and is not governed by some locking mechanism designed by a “two square” miser trying to save a penny or two.  If I want to use the toilet paper equivalent of a teepeeing job on the White House that’s my business.  When I go to wash my hands, I do like the automatic faucets, but hate the hand dryers that do not dry your hands. Those dryers give a whole new meaning to “wet pants,” because that’s usually where I end up drying my hands.

 

I remember when we took Megan car shopping and the first car we looked at was used and had the handles you rolled down to get the windows to open. Megan looked at them like she had just landed in another realm and said, “What’s this thing for?” When I finished explaining what the crazy crank did, all she said was, “I don’t like this car.” This is exactly how I felt at her house trying to operate their television set.  I was in over my head and needed help. Most people operate their TV with a remote or by pushing buttons on their television set.  Doc and Megan have their TV connected through their X-box and operate their TV with verbal commands.  Megan can turn her lights off upstairs with her cell phone and when I say things like, “in my day, we walked a mile to turn off our upstairs lights, “ they usually start laughing and ask if I slept in a barn loft and used a candle snuffer. 

 

Anyways, I volunteered to babysit for Archer and before they left I was given a short lesson on operating the TV using voice commands.  Inwardly, I was thinking, “how hard can it be? I know how to yell at stuff,” but in reality, I learned later, I should have paid more attention.  I also decided that X-box must be a man, because it seemed to have selective hearing and the ability to ignore my directions completely.  Before they left, I told them to put the TV on Law and Order: SVU and it said there were 13 episodes loaded, so I thought we were all set.  I figured grandma would have the place running like a well-oiled machine by the time they got back.  That positive attitude and confidence lasted for about ten minutes right up until the time I made Archer his bottle and liquid starting pouring out of the bottom.  It has been a long time since I have been a mother, but in my day, bottles had two parts…the nipple and the bottle. Now they have about 5 parts and I inadvertently left off one part of the bottom of the bottle, which seemed to serve the purpose of keeping the milk in the actual bottle and allowing Archer to drink directly from the nipple. It seemed the part I left off, changed the bottle into a sieve and I did not think Megan was going to like it if she came home and found Archer crying from hunger and covered in milk.  Once I got that situation taken care of, I decided to tidy up the kitchen and run the dishwasher.  I have a dishwasher. I know how to operate a normal dishwasher, but their dishwasher would not start. I even tried yelling, “start, dishwasher,” in case it was hooked up through the TV, but nothing made it go and then the worst thing happened. 

 

All of a sudden, after I had watched several Law and Order episodes, the TV stopped playing and it flashed me a message, “Do you want to continue watching these episodes?” WHAT??  It was like my mom was in the room saying, “that’s enough TV for now.”  So, I did what I thought I was supposed to do and said, “X-box, yes…..X-box, continue watching….X-box, turn the damn TV back on,” and nothing worked. Nothing I yelled worked. That message stayed on the TV like a reminder that this new smart world was too smart for me.  I got on my phone and called Doc, Megan, and then Hayley and not one of them would answer their phone.  It has long been a mystery to me that all my family members have phones attached to them like lifelines, but never answer the phone when I call.  Finally, after what seemed an eternity, Hayley called back and passed the phone to Megan and in between all the muffled laughter I heard when I explained the emergency, Megan told me to use the controller like she had showed me before they left.  Huh?? What controller?? Turns out beyond verbal commands, there was an additional controller that looked like something found on a fighter aircraft used to eject oneself prior to crashing and I could only wonder how all this was easier than just operating a TV remote.

 

Of course, when they got home, all of them continued to say that I had been given all the instructions needed to operate the TV before they had left and finally I said, “X-box, shut them all up!”  For the rest of the weekend and all the way home, I continued to say things like, “X-box, change dirty diaper….X-box, start car…..X-box, change radio station…X-box, tell Megan to put a sock in it,” until I think I made my point.  I may be dumb in some ways, but I still know a thing or two about getting in the last word. 

[Leslie and Halas]

Are you sure they even have an X-Box? Maybe this was all part of some elaborate joke to get you to yell random stuff at the TV.

[Sheila & Finnley]

Ha ha ha, I hope the trip to see your mom this weekend goes smoother.

I am pretty sure that your mother doesn't own an X-box!

Glad that you survived Megan's house. You need a lap top or an ipad so you can watch whatever you want on it, when traveling.... just an idea.

Looking for new Archer pictures from that last visit. Lets not keep us waiting !

[Miss Ellie]

Oh my gosh Laurie...my cheeks hurt as I am laughing so hard...I have had the pleasure of knowing a lot of funny people in my life, but quite honestly you are one of the top five...you are so naturally funny and you can tell a story like no one else can...I am so grateful to have found DK and all the wonderful people from here that I have become friends with and you Laurie are most definitely one of my all time favourites:)

[Gail and Bailey]

It is all too true!  Thanks for the laughs!  When my DH is out of town I use an old tv with a remote that only has "on,off,volume up&down, channel up&down".....suits me just fine!!  So glad you are close to your adorable Archer!!

[Jennifer and Jack]

This mAde me laugh super hard.... Such true statements

[F, Calla & Luca]

Yes, it took forever for Laurie to in pack the camera initially but look what' scone. Soon she'll be programming :-)

[Janie, Jackson and Jilly]

I can so relate to the rest stops and try to avoid them at all costs! We once drove all the way home from the Outer Banks and I held out, my all time record! : ) You may not have mastered the xbox yet but you do have the camera and photoshopping skills down to a science and that's saying something!

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Bahahalahaha

X-Box, now you may flush the toilet.

Dont you hate those toilets that spray you like a summer's garden sprinkler too?  They are so strong, if they could, you would be sucked down with all the poo!   My wet pants are from being drenched from the flushing.  I now carry a piece of paper to cover up the sensor or I just run REALLY FAST.   Good grief.  I often thought someone should write about those scary things.  Thank YOU!!   

When my youngest was around four, he began refusing to bath because he thought the bath tube drain would take him down to never return,    Now I am worried about the children of this day. Oh my!    

[PJ and Zach]

Oh. My. Sooooo funny! I especially related with the rest stop stuff. Hahahahaha! Thanks for the endorphine release, Laurie.

[Deanna M.]

I feel your pain with the x-box controlling the TV.  Carl uses the playstation for watching netflix and I cannot figure out how to get it to work.  Thankfully I can use the blue ray player to watch my shows but apparently I am missing out on the surround sound experience….

My car GPS talks too and whenever I start the car it tells me my phone has been connected, so annoying.  Then a couple of months ago I realized it had stopped talking and found out my SIL had turned it off when he and DD had borrowed the car.  HURRAY!!!