It's So Hard To Be Murphy

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I think just about everyone knows about our journey with Murphy...the training and behavior therapy to help him manage through his reactiveness and aggression.  Well I think we're through the outward manifastation of his fear and insecurities....no more horrible barking, lunging and "freaking out" on walks when he sees other people or dogs.  Over the past few weeks we've been seeing some new behaviors that make me feel almost worse.  Murphy has now been trained to know not to "react" to other dogs, but that doesn't mean they still aren't very frightening (or if not fear whatever the intense emotion is) to him.  So now when we see another dog we pull him off to the side and allow him to look, but defer his attention to me and treats, and affection.  He does it...and he actually looks away from the other dog now on his own.  The really sad part of it all is that he's so uncomfortable that he shakes and lately he has diarrhea within a few minutes of passing the other dog.  My guy is internalizing this horribly stressful experience for him, and it makes me feel so awful.  Today was a particularly difficult day for him, and it was all about one fluffy white dog who for some reason made him very uncomfortable.  Once he saw this dog (and we worked through it without a reaction) he could never again relax for the rest of the walk.  He was totally stressed and his body was stiff so that we just took him back to the car and came home.  I really don't think there are any more new "miraculous" answers for my Murph than what we've been able to learn and implement over the past year or two....just on some days my heart breaks to see what he struggles with.  I sometimes think it would be better to just keep him home where he never is stressed, but I know that's no answer.  Just venting...

[Nicky, Riley & Boris]

That's so sad to read. Heartbreaking to know that he is internalizing the stress and the fact that he is now doing what is acceptable behavior to us humans is causing him so much fear.  I too would wonder if you can find a way that he is not exposed to other dogs at all but this is just a knee jerk reaction and it is probably not helpful at all. I think you are wonderful Doodle parents to Murphy and hope that he finds some peace in the hard world he inhabits.  

[Colleen, Jake & Baxter]

Jane, this just tugged at my heart strings when I read this.....I tried to respond late last night while in bed trying to learn this new tablet my children thought I needed for Mother's Day.  Every time I tried to write I must have kept hitting the wrong letters and when I looked to see what I had written it looked like I must have been in "yappy hour" nipping on the wine a little too much so this morning I am back to being "old fashioned" with my laptop......anyway, I am also one of Murphy's biggest fans!  I know it must seem like 2 steps forward and 1 or perhaps 2 back.....you want a full life for your Murph, I certainly know about that having had issues with many of the dogs I have taken in through the years.  What an awesome doodle mom you are for  Murphy.  I used to suffer from social anxiety many years ago so I can understand a bit as to what he might be going through. 

[Allyson, Peri & Taquito]

Oh Jane, this makes me so very sad.  I think yoiu will be able to work on this somehow.  All I can tell you is that I know, for 10000000% certainty, that Murphy COULD NOT HAVE A BETTER MOM THAN YOU.  Hang in there and vent any time.

[Bonnie and Kona]

Jane, I'm so sad to read this. Do you think putting him ack on antidepressants could help. With people it is a chemical imbalance that in some needs to be treated for life. While no one wants to be on medication I wonder if this could give your Murph some peace. I don't remember why he was taken off. It's just a thought. Obviously you and your vet will figure it out you are the star doodlemom. Hang in there. Much love.

[Anne & Mr. Haley]

Jane, I know that you and Murphy will get though this one way or the other and put it behind you.  You have done such wonderful work with him.  As for his reaction to not reacting, one can become physically sick from holding in things that bother them.  I know from experience.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Sheri, I am glad to see you read my comment all the way through :) Of course, you know I was just talking in regards to Murphy :) LOL

Jane, I got to bed, but I was thinking about sweet Murphy :) What a dog!!

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Thanks to all for your insightful and supportive feedback.  It really helps so much to know that you're all there for Murph and for me.  I think what everyone says is right.  Wendy, your comments about how you reacted after first crossing the bridge reminded me so much of Murphy.  It's like he's forcing himself not to react to other dogs because he's motivated by the affection, praise and rewards, but inside he's still going through all those emotions and fear.  For now maybe we need to look for more places to walk him where it is unlikely that there will be other dogs.  I have to take him to the Vet today because he's now started with an anal gland problem, and I'll see what advice she has.  Thank you everyone...and Laurie I hope you got some sleep. 

[Janie, Jackson and Jilly]

Hugs to you and Murphy. He holds a place in my heart.

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

Jane, this just breaks my heart for both you and Murphy.  It is funny in that as I was reading I was thinking just what you said, sometimes I think it would be better to just keep him home where he never is stressed.  While Murphy's situation is on a whole other level, it is somewhat like Lucy.  I wanted her to be a Therapy Dog.  I wanted her to be like Sophie.  However, even though you can tell Lucy wants to, there is just something inside her that doesn't let her trust everyone the way that Sophie did.  I had to just finally admit it isn't going to happen with her.  She still likes to go places with us, but she just isn't a therapy dog.  I think many below have said it well.  Just give yourself permission to let Murphy enjoy the  things he enjoys.  None of us enjoy everything!  (I do have to respectfully disagree with Laurie about the fluffy white dog comment though ... I'm a little partial to fluffy little white dogs now, lol).

[F, Calla & Luca]

I am sorry to hear of Murphy's trials despite all you have, and continue, to do to help him. But there is such a thing as good enough. Murphy is doing well in many formerly difficult situations and that may be god enough for now. I think Laurie gave you great advice about how we all avoid some things that make us uncomfortable. My view is that if what you avoid doesn't seriously impact your life than it may be easier to just avoid it. You won't catch me skydiving! So maybe Murphy may need o be limited from some encounters, for now at least,