Laurie, Fudge, and Vern Want to Know How Do We Get the Tour de France Banned from U.S. Television?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

 

For three weeks every year, my husband sits in front of the television watching the Tour de France. I can honestly say, with no malice intended towards the bike riders, that I hate this race.  There are very few sports that I like watching on TV, but even the Super Bowl only lasts for a few hours. This bike race goes on for three weeks and there are no funny commercials or famous singers belting out songs during half time. I don’t like Football either, but I know a little something about it and never get tired of my husband’s reaction when I ask him what inning are they playing and who is up to bat?

 

The Tour de France makes absolutely no sense to me. It is measured in stages and you can win the race without ever winning a stage. Some riders are there to help someone else win, which seems like a total waste of time to me. Don’t get me started on the outfits. Today, there was a guy in an all white spandex outfit and everybody knows white makes you look fatter and white fabric can be more see through in sweaty conditions. I was hoping someone would bring out the little black box TV censors sometimes use at the award shows, but no such luck. Another guy was wearing a green helmet to match his green ensemble, which is fine if you are at an Irish Pub on St. Paddy’s day knocking back a few, but seems odd to me on a bike trail. All the riders are fighting to wear a skintight yellow jersey, and each year the helmets get crazier and crazier.  They are starting to look like a Toucan parrot has found it’s way on to the back of some of these rider’s heads.

 

I own a bike and I do ride weekly, but my seat on my bike is huge. I told my husband to go to the bike shop, hold his hands out really wide and tell the employee, “my wife’s butt is this big and she said she wants to be able to locate the seat when the ride is over.”  He did not think that was the proper way to fit a seat, so he declined. The seats these guys sit on in this race are the size of candy Fruit Wedges I can buy at the local drugstore.  Personally, I would be surprised if any of them are able to father children after three weeks of sitting on that seat or do not have to walk around with a bag of frozen peas attached to their nether regions for months. 

 

God forbid you ask my husband a question while he is watching this excruciating long race or he gets mad. All I said was, “When we are done watching this leg of the race, can we go down to the local hardware store and watch paint dry?” and he got all bent out of shape. Today, he told me if I wanted to sing to the dogs, I needed to go outside and yesterday he asked me to turn my TV down so he could hear the race. Yes, what could be more riveting than hearing one rider appears to be a little winded while shooting up a mountain on a bike. What are the odds?  He has seen me ride a bike uphill, so he should be able to put two and two together by now without the help of an announcer.  I can also tell you if I keel over while that race is on, I had better do it during a commercial or he will not even notice and if the commercial is advertising a new bike, I am screwed.

 

Over the years, we have had fun bike riding together and right now, in 96-degree weather, he is out there in the elements riding his bike. Usually, I like to wait until he is almost ready to go and yell, “Wait up, I want to go too!” just to mess with him, but it is too hot to even do that today. I admire his dedication and the dedication of those Tour de France riders, but it still does not mean I want to see it for three weeks on TV or plan our days around when it is over. One night, I was so fed up, I got mad and said, “I am tired of competing with this stupid race.  I have needs too!” He told me to turn the race on in the bedroom and he would be right in at the commercial and I told him I appreciated the minimal effort he was willing to make on my behalf, but I was talking about going out for dinner.  Good communication can make a big difference in a marriage, we have found over the years.  

 

Tomorrow, the race is finally over and then we can get back to our normal lives.   Fudge and Vern get their favorite man back and instead of rushing home to watch the race, we can go back to taking our time on our dog walks. My DD might hear, "How was work today?" instead of "Move, I can't see the TV!" We can be more than spectators and actually go bike riding together and I can go back to asking, “How much longer are we riding?”  It just seems to me this is better than sitting in a living room watching a race unfold on television.

 

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Lynda OMD TMI LOL!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Tina, No, he has never ridden in that race. He rides every year on his birthday 100 miles, but 7 days in a row might kill him :) I will pass this on to him.

[Tina, Clover, Plus 5 More]

RAGBRAI®, The Register’s Annual Great Bicycle Ride Across Iowa, is an annual seven-day bicycle ride across the state.

In its 39th year, RAGBRAI is the oldest, largest and longest touring bicycle ride in the world. Des Moines Register Media has been the title sponsor of RAGBRAI since 1973

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Lynda, I did not know that about them peeing while riding. Remind me never to hug a long distance bike rider :)

Thank you for the tip about the seat. I love my bike which is a Trek and has the pedals positioned slightly forward. It is the first bike I have ever wanted to ride longer than 10 minutes on.  I wish I could remember the name of the bike. Thank you!

Allyson, Thanks!

Tina, I don't even know what a RAGBRAI is....LOL! If I play that game with my DH and that picture, I definitely call Wiener!!

Mimi, Enjoy that new puppy! Things will settle down before you know it and you will soon get into your new routine :)

 

[Lynda Kamrath]

That photo is funny alright.  The clothes are so thin and of course no biker would wear underwear.  Did you know they also pee themselves and it just soaks through and blows away?  I found that interesting, but no way they are going to dismount their bikes for a pee.  But, notwithstanding, I love the TDF.  Three weeks is enough, but we were watching every evening.

By the way, Laurie, I would reconsider the wide seat on your bike.  Use a narrow gel seat made out of leather.  And definitely no underwear - just a shammy crotch in your biking shorts.  Believe me, you will be much more comfortable.  I know because I have been there.  Especially if you want to ride more than a few hours.  Long rides?  As close to nude as you can get!

[Allyson, Peri & Taquito]

I don't get the Tour either - luckily DH agrees!  So funny...I love the photo!

[Tina, Clover, Plus 5 More]

Has DH ever biked in RAGBRAI?

[Mimi Linna, Lilly and Lolly]

too funny...at least it is only three weeks... My husband is a news junkie and sits and talks to the tv like they are going to hear him. While he is talking to the TV, I am on the computer.. this will all change on Friday when Lilly comes home. I don't think either of us will have the time to watch much tv.

[Tina, Clover, Plus 5 More]

Laurie, maybe you can ask your DH to play the 'Weiner, No Weiner" game.  Oh yeah, they're all WEINERS.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jane and Jen, It seems you have both studied the picture. I was blushing too much to look twice....LOL!

Joanne, Between the blue buckets, the Intercourse shirt, getting kicked out of your own group....you are having a fun week:)