Laurie, Fudge, and Vern Want to Know How Do We Get the Tour de France Banned from U.S. Television?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

 

For three weeks every year, my husband sits in front of the television watching the Tour de France. I can honestly say, with no malice intended towards the bike riders, that I hate this race.  There are very few sports that I like watching on TV, but even the Super Bowl only lasts for a few hours. This bike race goes on for three weeks and there are no funny commercials or famous singers belting out songs during half time. I don’t like Football either, but I know a little something about it and never get tired of my husband’s reaction when I ask him what inning are they playing and who is up to bat?

 

The Tour de France makes absolutely no sense to me. It is measured in stages and you can win the race without ever winning a stage. Some riders are there to help someone else win, which seems like a total waste of time to me. Don’t get me started on the outfits. Today, there was a guy in an all white spandex outfit and everybody knows white makes you look fatter and white fabric can be more see through in sweaty conditions. I was hoping someone would bring out the little black box TV censors sometimes use at the award shows, but no such luck. Another guy was wearing a green helmet to match his green ensemble, which is fine if you are at an Irish Pub on St. Paddy’s day knocking back a few, but seems odd to me on a bike trail. All the riders are fighting to wear a skintight yellow jersey, and each year the helmets get crazier and crazier.  They are starting to look like a Toucan parrot has found it’s way on to the back of some of these rider’s heads.

 

I own a bike and I do ride weekly, but my seat on my bike is huge. I told my husband to go to the bike shop, hold his hands out really wide and tell the employee, “my wife’s butt is this big and she said she wants to be able to locate the seat when the ride is over.”  He did not think that was the proper way to fit a seat, so he declined. The seats these guys sit on in this race are the size of candy Fruit Wedges I can buy at the local drugstore.  Personally, I would be surprised if any of them are able to father children after three weeks of sitting on that seat or do not have to walk around with a bag of frozen peas attached to their nether regions for months. 

 

God forbid you ask my husband a question while he is watching this excruciating long race or he gets mad. All I said was, “When we are done watching this leg of the race, can we go down to the local hardware store and watch paint dry?” and he got all bent out of shape. Today, he told me if I wanted to sing to the dogs, I needed to go outside and yesterday he asked me to turn my TV down so he could hear the race. Yes, what could be more riveting than hearing one rider appears to be a little winded while shooting up a mountain on a bike. What are the odds?  He has seen me ride a bike uphill, so he should be able to put two and two together by now without the help of an announcer.  I can also tell you if I keel over while that race is on, I had better do it during a commercial or he will not even notice and if the commercial is advertising a new bike, I am screwed.

 

Over the years, we have had fun bike riding together and right now, in 96-degree weather, he is out there in the elements riding his bike. Usually, I like to wait until he is almost ready to go and yell, “Wait up, I want to go too!” just to mess with him, but it is too hot to even do that today. I admire his dedication and the dedication of those Tour de France riders, but it still does not mean I want to see it for three weeks on TV or plan our days around when it is over. One night, I was so fed up, I got mad and said, “I am tired of competing with this stupid race.  I have needs too!” He told me to turn the race on in the bedroom and he would be right in at the commercial and I told him I appreciated the minimal effort he was willing to make on my behalf, but I was talking about going out for dinner.  Good communication can make a big difference in a marriage, we have found over the years.  

 

Tomorrow, the race is finally over and then we can get back to our normal lives.   Fudge and Vern get their favorite man back and instead of rushing home to watch the race, we can go back to taking our time on our dog walks. My DD might hear, "How was work today?" instead of "Move, I can't see the TV!" We can be more than spectators and actually go bike riding together and I can go back to asking, “How much longer are we riding?”  It just seems to me this is better than sitting in a living room watching a race unfold on television.

 

[Donna K & Quincy]

@ Jane, the picture you are talking about is the one I posted in the warped humor group.

[Donna K & Quincy]

Laurie, you are so right, spandex on men should be outlawed. I think my husband feels the same way about DK as you do about the Tour De France. If you need a good pic of why spandex should be outlawed or should only come in black, go to the Warped Humor Group, I have one posted there that you can copy to your discussion if you dare, at the very least it will give you a good laugh. Laurie, as usual I love your blog. You really should turn all your blogs in to a book and I want an autographed copy please.  No one watches sports at our house, I do however have to suffer through the True Blood series.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Lisa, If you google short basketball shorts all kinds of things pop out at you :) A little too much for DK...LOL!

LInda, Thank you very much!!!

Nicky, Soccer, Rugby, and Golf......you must really love this guy...LOL!! Now, I do love the Olympics and that is very exciting to be there in person. Maybe you will be one of the runners with the torch. Bring Riley along!! I bet your talk was definitely funny!!

Jane, I like how you think!! Earphones might be the way to go...LOL!

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Jane, I remember that photo - gross.

My nephew was a wrestler in high school, those Singlets were just wrong!  Fortunately for Matthew his team wore black!

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Laurie, remember the days when basketball shorts were short? That would be interesting, basketball shorts, better than spandex (in most cases - haha).

[Linda, Webber and Seda]

You don't disappoint, Laurie.  This blog really should be submitted to a cycling magazine.  Or you should make a Youtube just saying it to the camera (with the TV on in the background).  It would go viral.  Loved the part about you having needs too!!  What a hoot :-)    More, More, More!

[Nicky, Riley & Boris]

You are so lucky it's only for three weeks.  My partner watches all sports, Soccer, Rugby, Golf and All Horse Racing. He would watch two flies going up a wall!  I had no interest in any of it when I met him but If you can't beat them joing them so.... I have been to the Races several times. I dress up, drink champagne and have become a gambler!!!  I watch Rugby and have gone with eight men to several games both here and abroad and I can now talk the talk and watch without falling asleep.  I struggle with Soccer though I find that putting a bet on who will win the league helps greatly to focus the mind LOL  ( Luckily he's  not  into the cycling which is over today)

 

I have volunteered to work at the Lonodn Olympics 2012.  My guy keeps telling everyone :"Nicky is going to be  the starter for the 100mtrs race"  The truth is that I will probably be working with the Media.

 

BTW it's when he's watching all that Sport that I am here on DK

 

PS.  I get asked to commentate on Irish radio and I was asked to talk on the radio about those guys in Spandex and it was a funny piece alright.  I think I said that it was 'Not' a good fashion look and I really didn't want to see '"50 year old Men in Spandex" Too much on show altogether.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Oh Laurie, you're the best!  Your blogs always make me laugh.  I do have to say that you should be counting your blessings that you only have to go through this for three weeks.  My DH is a total sports nut....all sports.  He'd rather watch sports than do just about anything (yes, I did say "just about").  For some strange reason he suffers from a severe hearing loss during these televised sporting events, so the TV was usually blaring.  We have come to an agreement that is probably going to save our marriage.  He watches only in the den, and he wears earphones (hallelujah!!!).  Every now and then, when he wanders into the kitchen to get a snack or a drink he'll try putting the "game" on on MY TV.  I can hear it from wherever I am in the house and I come running.....this is absolutely unacceptable.....sports belong in the den only with the TV on mute.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Karen, I rarely listen when he tells me to stop singing, but you are right in that I have to look at spandex more than I would like. I am glad you enjoyed the blog!!

Nancy, Way to "kill two birds with one stone".

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Wendy and Elizabeth, Yes, I was not sure either how you can be declared the winner and have more racing to do. I do like to see someone win that has never won before.

Jane, Never throw out great pictures like the one you are describing :)

Camilla, I think you need one!

Bonnie & Kaytlin, It is three weeks straight, not just three days...LOL. Luckily, he does not watch baseball, but loves hockey and football.

Lisa, I hope he makes the basket too from on top of his bike :) Now there is a sport!!!