Making Spirits Bright or Do Spirits Make You Less Bright?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

When we last left off, I was mentioning that Fudge and Vern are still adjusting to our new home.  I have put the unpacking off until after Christmas and have been working feverishly to make Christmas happen.  My kids are full grown, but when I say things like, “we are cutting back this year and doing less,” they still seem to have no sympathy for us.  I swear I could be laid up with two broken legs and Megan would say, “Mom, have you ever heard of online shopping?” I still remember the first Christmas Megan’s husband spent with us.  I asked him for his Christmas list and he submitted 5 things to me, totaling maybe $25.00.  I knew right then and there that I did not raise that kid, because Megan’s list probably exceeds the one Kim gives Kanye at Christmas time. 

 

A lot goes into making Christmas happen around here and even though I have dramatically cut down on Christmas decorations, there is the shopping, the baking, the Christmas cards, and the mailing of gifts.  When I told my girls that next year, I was just going to make charitable donations in their names and they could do the same for me, Megan said her charity of choice was called GoFundMe and checks could be made out to her. So you can see what I am dealing with my family.  Well, in addition to all the holiday stuff, John has been traveling for work and unable to help.  Even just getting the dogs out from underfoot would be a tremendous help, but he can hardly walk the dogs when he is 700 miles away.  The other thing that always happens when John leaves is that something always goes wrong.  Usually, there are some clues leading up to the disaster that is about to happen, but John has no problem ignoring them and getting on his plane.

 

This time the clue was I could smell the water more. We have a well and the water is hard here, but it seemed harder than usual and a bit smellier.  When I mentioned to John that he needed to check it out, he did and said all was well (see what I did there).  We have had water leaks in the past and I can tell you that I could be sopping wet standing under a steady stream of water pouring from the ceiling and John would say to stop worrying, it is just condensation. I imagine we would have been that one couple watching Noah and his Ark move away from the shore as John leaned over to me and said, “Stop worrying. It’s just condensation!”  The fact that he can say it with a straight face and I want so badly to believe him may be a show for Dr. Phil down the road called, “Laurie, Take Off those Rose Colored Glasses and Learn to Recognize a Load of Crap when you see or hear it!” So, sure enough, he checked the water softener and gave it the all clear and left for two weeks.  Luckily, my brother-in-law and sister stopped over that week and Steve took one look at it and said our water softener was broken.  “I knew it!” I yelled and sure enough when I called John to tell him Steve had confirmed my suspicions, I have to give him credit, because he stuck with his story and said it was fine when he had checked it before he left.

 

Now here is the thing, I don’t have a plumber yet here and I had a great one in Pennsylvania, but he didn’t want to make house calls to Michigan.  I got a huge kick out of my plumber in Pennsylvania and I used to call him the Angry Plumber to John.  The first time he came to the house he called to yell at me to tell me I should have told him the road up a ways was closed and he had to take a detour. He calmed down after I explained that I didn’t make a habit of checking road closures and the road had been open the previous day.  He was very sweet when he got to the house, but then he had to run out and get a part at Home Depot and came back mad and walked in the house and yelled, “I don’t know why people live out here in the boondocks!”  Even with those outbursts there was something endearing about the guy and I just figured he might have gotten his head stuck in a toilet and gone without oxygen for just a bit somewhere in his past.  He had to come back to finish the job and you just have to love a professional who tells you he is very nervous about what he will have to do.  By the time he left I was telling him he could do it and offering up encouragement like I was his Life Coach. He ended up doing a fabulous job and when I wrote the check out to pay him his quoted price, he said, “this worked out for me this time, because sometimes I really get burned on a job!” I wasn’t able to find an Angry Plumber here, but I did get someone out to fix the water softener and all was taken care of by the time John returned.

 

When we were in Newfoundland, John discovered a new liquor, which he now refers to as God’s Milk.  I don’t know if discovered is the correct word, because Donna’s husband, Gord, pushed that stuff hard on the men in our group and of course, John wanted to be a good guest so he drank what was offered to him.  After we got back to the States John spent a lot of time on the Internet trying to track down the stuff so he could order his own bottle.  Keep in mind this is a man who will ask, “where do I get it?” if I ask for a CD sold exclusively at Target for Christmas and that fact was pointed out on my Christmas list.  In other words, unless it comes to God’s Milk, John will not be getting a job as a Personal Shopper any time soon. When he finally found the stuff on line and ordered it, I don’t think there was a happier man on earth, and that happy buzz lasted right up until he casually mentioned from his hotel room far, far away, that someone over 21 needed to sign for his purchase and it would be delivered the next day.  Since the only one home over 21 was me that meant I had to stay home all day and wait, something that I am really bad at doing.  If was right after that news that I started calling this liquor, Devil’s Drink for Dummies.

 

Finally, because this is the Christmas season and nothing makes me happier than my grandson, I signed up for Skype so I could see him almost daily.  When I signed up, I thought it would be funny to use the name, Sexygrandma, which I thought would be good for a few laughs and make Megan and Doc gag.  What I didn’t count on was the fact that in the world of Skype there are people out there who don’t see the sign on Sexygrandma as an Oxymoron, but instead think it is some kind of an invitation to be inappropriate.  Now I have some guy who likes cats (use your Thesaurus for this one), a guy who wants to play, and miscellaneous other perverts messaging me to Skype.  Luckily I figured out how to block my “new friends” and was able to give Megan and Doc more ammunition when they talk about the dumb things I sometimes do.

 

What does all this have to do with making spirits bright…I am just trying to let people know that I am too busy this Holiday season to sit around waiting for plumbers and God’s milk to show up at the door.  I also have better things to do than fend off my new suitors on Skype at this busy time of year when all I wanted to do was see the sweet face of my grandson.  So with all this stuff going on in addition to the wrapping, the baking, the mailing, the shopping, and the decorating, I think everyone will agree that greeting your husband at the door after two weeks away by saying, “PLEASE TAKE THESE DOGS FOR A LONG WALK SO I CAN GET SOMETHING DONE WITHOUT RUNNING INTO FUDGE AND HEARING VERN BARK!” is perfectly understandable.   In fact, I think it was just after John said, “Why are you running around doing all of this stuff? What’s the rush?” that I said, “Could sexybusythinkingmurderousthoughtsgrandma have a big swig of your God’s milk and I urge you to pass it quickly?”

 

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all!!

[Miss Ellie]

Laurie...it has been forever since I have been on DK, but the very first post that I purposely searched for was your most recent post...and of course I was definitely not disappointed...OMG...laughed so hard, poor Ellie was trying to figure out what all the commotion was about!  Oh have I missed these posts of yours...truly made my day!  

[Bonnie and Kona]

I am just reading this now because, well, because of a lot of things. I can assure you it has the same effect as it would have before the holidays. You always, always make me laugh out loud! By the way, I don't know about God's milk, but many years ago my brother-in-law introduced a liquor to all of us at Christmastime called...H*****. Seriously. Get John a bottle. It may be better than God's milk. 

I'm sorry you had to Skype Christmas with Archer. I was so hoping everyone would travel to your house. 

[Lauria Orr]

Laurie Laurie Laurie!  You always make me laugh!  Happy New Year!

[Lonnie & Libby Lu]

OMGosh just read this and Laurie and I LOVE it!   Laughed through most of it (sorry to say for you) and the Skype issue is hilarious!  I can't even imagine my husband gone for two weeks, trying to settle into a home, away from family and especially Archer, Christmas and having to HIRE a plumber in a new city.  God Bless you!  

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Hi DJ, John just asked me how you were doing....get busy and get some stuff done :) LOL

[DJ & Chance]

LOL, I so missed this before Christmas and I didn't get cards out, bake, or do many presents. Maybe Fudge and Vern should visit me next year so that I manage to get this stuff done :)

Hope you had a great Christmas in your new home!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Maryann, We are in Union, MI, just over the Indiana line. I am glad I gave you a good laugh :) I just had a flat tire the other day....the first time ever when my DH was in the car. I count that as a victory. LOL 

[Maryann,Roo and Tigger]

Laurie, I laughed out loud at your blog.  Your life sounds like mine during for most of our marriage.  My DH traveled a lot, too.  About ten years in I bought a sign that said "Murphy's Law' ( my maiden name is Murphy and I am known as Murf in the family)  Murphy's Law states that if anything bad is going to happen it will happen when Mr. Murphy is out of town.   Unfortunately I can hold out no real hope for you as my DH travels much less now, but the darn home breakdowns still happen when he is gone.  Thanks for a good laugh. 

I grew up in Michigan, where in Michigan did you move to?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Cheryl, OMG, I am so sorry about the letter. I will get one out to you this week. My address book is messed up from the move and I am sure you are not the only one I forgot this year. Hopefully, next year finds me better organized :) I have an Android phone and my kids all have Iphones. Luckily, we all have Skype, which we do almost daily with Archer. Whenever I have had a bad day, I Skype and tell Megan to put him on the phone :) LOL 

Joanne, LOL...I should have known :) Happy New Year. The farm room is empty!!

Thanks, Jessica. Have a Happy New Year!

[cheryl & oliver]

I used Skype to see my grandkids in New York and it would sometimes work and sometimes not, lol,my problem was I could never remember my password...had to change it a few times, lol, but I guess you used the right one, lol, to garner the trolls out there, lol...too funny.. but my kids all have iphones, and I had an android, so they had to sign up on skype to see me, and me to see the kids...when i got my phone, they freaked out and could not understand why i didn't listen to what they told me, they said to ONLY get an iphone, so i didn't, the android had a better deal, so i bought it..and now three years later I just got an iphone, so we can facetime..to me it is the same as skype, don't know what all the hulaballou was all about..that was my present to myself this year, of course dh thinks he got it for me, truth be known, I got it and he just tells everyone that is what he gave me this year for a present...I told him, i would not ask him for a phone, he should know that after 44 years, jewelry is much better...whatever, lol..and I know wht you mean when hubby is traveling, Ira did that for several years, and everytime he went away some calamity happened with the house...Of course he would say what did u do???..It was fine when I left,..Yeah right...anyway, I hope you had a wonderful holiday, and I missed that letter this year..Hugs to you and the fur babies, and John too, of course...Cheryl..