MUST LOVE DOGS!!! My Best (Mature) Dating Advice!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

We have two daughters.  One is married and one is not married.  Before we got Fudge and Vern, when one of them went out on a date, we asked all the usual parent questions……is he nice?...does he have a job?...does he believe in supporting parents in their later years?....is he a good driver?”  After we got Fudge and Vern, my first question now is, "Does he like dogs and have a sense of humor?"  I also think I did a pretty good job of talking to my daughters about sex and tried my best to instill good values in both of them.  Every chance I got I told both of them to abstain until after they were married and even then, wait a couple of years and make sure it was going to work out between them. They usually countered with, “is that what you and dad did?” and I always said, “no, and look what happened to us.”   I considered this teaching method to be sort of like a “Scared Straight,” program.

Well, times have changed and I hate to sound like an old fogie, but I am glad my dating years are behind me.  I am finding with my daughter and some friends that the expression, “you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince,” is truer now than ever.  There just seems to be so many more frogs out there. 

In my day, we didn’t have the Internet or texting and yes we did have phones, but I grew up with a party line and I can’t tell you how many times I picked up the phone to make a call and our old lady neighbor would already be on it and in no hurry to hang up.  My biggest problem was getting a line to dial out with and I can tell you from experience that old people do not like when you say, “geez, how much longer can you talk about bunions?” after you have tried to get a dial tone for over an hour.  Nowadays, it is so much easier to get in contact with people and there are so many ways to say things to people behind the veil of texting and emails, rather than face-to-face, that people are more inclined to be bolder.

Recently, I know someone who went out on a date with a guy who seemed very nice right up until she read on his Internet profile that he would be interested in a threesome. WTD!! When she told me about the threesome, I said, “blind mice…monkeys….peas…sides of a triangle…amigos…tennis balls…wheels on a tricycle…or 3 Dog Night?”  She didn’t know who 3 Dog Night was, but she said of all my choices, she thought I was getting warmer when I mentioned balls. 

I don’t remember Mary Richards having this problem and the only riveting revelation I found out about my husband after one date was that he liked Jujyfruits at the movies.  Have times really changed this much?  To be honest, when I first started having kids, I did dream about a threesome, but usually she looked like Alice from The Brady Bunch and she did all the cooking and cleaning. I guess if she wanted to share in my husband's affections and leave me out of it and could still make those bottles and do the night feedings, who is to say the choice I would have made in my tired state. Pride can always take one night off, but that was all just a young, exhausted mother's dream, because the only threesome my husband and I have ever discussed is which Charlie’s Angels was our favorite and for the record, my husband first said his favorite was the one with the big teeth, although when I said, “which one had big teeth?” he responded with, “who said anything about teeth?”  He liked Kate Jackson, but I had to go with Farrah Fawcett because I loved her hair.  

So, you might be asking yourself why an old married woman thinks she can give dating advice and I would be more than happy to supply you with my kid’s emails so they can back me up on the fact that lack of knowledge about the subject matter has never once stopped me from giving unsolicited advice.  My motto about giving advice is try, try, and try again, and if at first they don’t listen, talk louder and keep repeating yourself.   You would be surprised at how many times the person you are trying to help finally caves and says, “if I promise to take your ridiculous and stupid advice, will you shut up and go away?” and, after all, that is all I wanted in the first place was acknowledgement that I had been heard.  Here it is, my tip of the day and it is a doozy.   The first question you should ask any prospective suitor is, “Do you love dogs?”   If they say no, arrivederci, baby!  Now, I guess there might be some exceptions to this rule, but for the most part, this is going to save you time.  My daughter started dating a man who wasn’t head over heels in love with dogs, but after she got her hands on him and applied her relentless, badgering techniques that I am all to familiar with, they are now married and have two dogs.  I have actually seen him post a picture of one of his dogs on Facebook and caption it, “Who’s Your Daddy?”  So, I guess I should amend my original statement to say he or she must love dogs or be involved with a person who could persuade the Pope to convert to Lutheranism or Judaism.

My youngest sister-in-law grew up with four older brothers and bringing a date home to her house had to have been a nightmare for her.  I remember one date when she was in college and she grilled her brothers for hours about what they could and could not do when her date got to the house.  My initiation with the same brothers happened when I was invited over to dinner and the youngest brother asked me to pull his finger during dinner.  I grew up with sisters and we did not play that game, so I pulled his finger and he was able to muster up a doozy, I laughed, and his dad almost killed him. 

I won’t even tell you about another brother’s date who on her first visit with the brothers, ended up hyperventilating into a bag after a rousing conversation about skid marks on underwear.  So, my husband’s sister was wise to try and coach her brothers, but what she didn’t count on was the family dog who had a strong propensity to greet all newcomers by placing his entire nose into the newcomer’s crotch area.  Unfortunately, no one warned this new guy and when the dog greeted him, everyone burst out laughing at his expense, and someone said, “well, to be fair, you never said anything about the dog,” and I believe that was the last time we ever saw that guy.  I think that dog did my sister-in-law a favor because if you can’t recover from something like that and turn to the dog and say, “hey, you haven’t even bought me dinner yet,” who wants to end up with that guy around the dinner table at all the family Holidays.

Sure, there are other traits you want to look for in a partner, but loving dogs should be high on the list, especially if you are a dog lover.  It just makes life easier if you know you are going to want to have a dog.  So, when you are filling out your checklist for a prospective mate, must love dogs should be somewhere on that list. The other night, I peeked out the door when my husband was taking the dogs out and he was bent over Vern giving him a hug.  I was seventeen when I met him and no one told me to ask, “Do you like dogs?” but somehow, the universe was looking out for me. 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Anna, Me, either!!

[Anna and Achilles]

I would never date or marry anyone who did not love dogs!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Sherri, I thought of you when I wrote this and of course, my daughter :) Come on princes, make your move..LOL!

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

Laurie you are 100% right. Must Love Dogs! people sometimes tell me that I shouldn't have gotten dogs because it will hinder my chances of finding a guy... are you kidding me??? I don't want a guy who doesn't embrace my dogs. I love dogs and would never dream of giving that up for anyone! My dog loving prince charminig is out there somewhere!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Deanna, Thank you! It sounds like you are on to something :)

Janie, LOL...if you find him, send him this way :)

Nicky, LOL...I have never heard that expression before. I will have to remember that one. My parents were not dog lovers, but I wanted a dog for as long as I could remember. I swear dog was my daughter's first word, too. Your teacher sounds very smart and I love the story about Riley's kiss in the morning. How sweet!

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

My husband loves animals MORE than he loves humans.  He's always had a hard time being "warm and fuzzy" with humans, even my daughter and me; but he has no trouble what-so-ever gushing over animals.  I'm pretty sure that it's because with animals he doesn't fear being judged or rejected.  But enough amateur psychology...

Another great blog, Laurie.  

[Janie, Jackson and Jilly]

So funny and true! My daughter recently "crossed one off the list" for not being crazy about pets - not just dogs, but all pets. Where is that prince already??!

[Nicky, Riley & Boris]

They do say the only time you change a man is when he is in diapers : )

In my family it was my dad who was a true dog lover, my Mom tolerated them all as well as the various other animals that lived in our home.  Me and my two sisters are all dog lovers, my brother secretly is but lives with a wife who definitely isn't and I find that quite uncomfortable.  He comes to visit with the children and they love RILEY but my SIL won't come and I think it's her anti- dog bias though  I can't be a 100% sure.  The two significant men in my life are both dog lovers and needers.  I remember a teacher when I was in junior school telling us all in the class that if a person didn't like dogs  we should be very wary of them, I never forgot that piece of advice but I guess I just gravitated towards the good guys!  Every morning before my partner leaves for work and when he thinks I am still asleep I hear him giving Riley a kiss and telling him he loves him.  For me that's even better than telling me the same thing.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Adina, How did you go from there to here? LOL  Somehow, it all worked out :)

Thanks, Linda!! I don't think my parents every "sprang" for a private line.

[Adina P]

I once dated a guy who had two wolf hybrids (one of them might have been about an F1b wolf with the b belonging to the wolf) back when I didn't like dogs.  He also lived with a guy who had a rottie and some small yappy thing.  I was quite a fish out of water once when I hung out at his place alone surrounded by FOUR of them, one or two of which had a potty training issue and I had to clean up poo off the floor.  Then that same day, I think, the rottie and one of the wolves got into a fight...a REAL fight in the backyard and I just screamed at them to stop (as if a squealing woman's voice was going to do something).  Scary!

After him came Clark with his border collie that he...GASP...DARED...bring inside my apartment when he visited.  How did I FIND these crazy dog lovers?