My CRAZY Experience Being a National News Subject....

[Denise & Hunter!!!]

I had responded to a post about the loss of news anchor Sue Simmon's.  She had actually did a report about me and my daughter and my unconventional Facebook punishment (she portrayed it wonderfully unlike a LOT of news outlets.  Because of those comments I had a bunch of DKer's message me about our experience with being subject to national news attention...  here is what I posted in the discussion but so everyone that asked see's it I am going to put it out there.

It was back in April that all of this took place but I still get weekly calls and emails about it and if you Google "Denise Abbott" or "Facebook Mom Punishment" you will see that it is still being discussed.  CRAZINESS.  The Today Show did a poll and 77% of the people that took part agreed with what I did, but of course I still received (and still do receive) a ton of criticism over it.  My main intention when I went on the Today Show was not to come off like I was defending myself because I wasn't.  I do not regret what I did and the least bit and would do the same thing again if the circumstance called for it.  

Here is the link to the Today Show - http://video.today.msnbc.msn.com/today/47203179#47203179

However this was my absolute FAVORITE reporting of our story - 

http://theview.abc.go.com/video/hot-topics-punishing-kids-through-s...

The way I looked at it is if Barbara Walters and Whoopi thought what I did was great I really didn't care what anyone else thought! LOL  

It was absolutely CRAZY but honestly I think that every news station did a segment on my Facebook stint.  I had calls from as far as Australia to do video newscast.  We did go to the Today Show in NY but it was on a Friday and Matt Lauer was OFF!!  I was sooooo bummed.  They had originally tried to get us to come on a Wed and it would have been him but I was on the fence and waited 2 days!!  UGH!!  I got a call last week from the producer of the Dr. Phil show asking if we would do a show about social networking and children.  

I am NOT a Rosie O'Donnell fan at all, never was, now that she thinks I am evil I don't like her even more - LOL - here is what she said... 

Rosie: Facebook punishment ‘a horrific thing’ ( Hey Rosie I find you horrific LOL LOL!! - like she cares what I think!  HA!)

First there was the father who shot his daughter’s laptop, and now a mother has punished her daughter with an embarrassing Facebook post. Are these tech-savvy parents reacting appropriately to their kids’ misbehavior? Rosie O’Donnell joins TODAY’s Professionals to debate this and other topics.

http://video.today.msnbc.msn.com/today/47188177

[Carol and Banjo]

You know you have my vote Denise.   Consequences seems to be a lost concept with many of today's parents and teachers.    Many kids are being "coddled" to pieces IMO.

[Adina P]

I think it's crazy that this made the news in so many places.  I don't watch network tv, so hadn't heard of it, till now, but still.  I think you did fine.  It was probably mildly embarrassing, but hardly 'humiliation.' 

[Denise & Hunter!!!]

AAww thank you all so much for your kind words!!!  

My goal as a parent is to raise a respectful, kind, confident and contributing member of society.  I was really surprised at the number of people that said I was publicly humiliating her and that I was "stooping to her level". My intent was to stoop to her level so she feel humiliation for how she behaved.  You have to "be" in a situation to gain empathy.  I actually had a lot of people say that I was emotionally scarring her and that she was - get ready for this - going to start cutting herself! It was insane!!  And it wasn't just one or two people!  Believe me it made me want to keep my girls on an even shorter leash realizing how many wacko's are out there! LOL  

Ava took all of it in total stride and one night I was sitting on the couch and she brought me a folded up note and on the front it said "I am going to cut myself" and when I opened the inside it said "a piece of pie" :-)  

[J and Riley (and Luna)]

I don't have kids (yet), but I teach older teenagers and adults and I absolutely agree with Deanna that children crave discipline.  The way the Ontario school system has been functioning for a while, there were NO penalties for handing in late assignments and giving a zero was "not allowed".  Basically it was like lax "parenting" in the educational system.  My students the last few years (in post-secondary) have been coming to me and saying things like "We were never taught about consequences, so we aren't responsible enough to hand our work in on time."  or "We wish there were penalties for late assignments, so we would have learned good habits."   They were aware that they were being taught bad habits, but because there were no consequences for adopting those bad habits, they did it anyway.

I think it's a very important thing to teach children that actions have consequences and I think you did it in a way that really "hit home" to your daughter.  It seems to me like it's a great lesson in respect and consequence!

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

Add my name to the list of your supporters!!  I followed your story, never realizing that I "knew" you!!  Unfortunately, too many people today see "discipline" as a negative.  As a parent and a retired teacher, I view discipline as an absolutely necessary TOOL.  In my experience, children actually crave discipline - they want and need to know their boundaries.  In my special education class, I ran a tight ship.  My students knew the rules and the consequences, but they also knew that those rules were put into place so that they could learn and grow and that I cared!  I respected my students and, in return, they respected (and even liked) me.  Interestingly, those same students usually disliked the "anything goes" types of teachers.

Parents forget that they're not really raising children - they're raising "future adults".  Your daughter is well on her way to being an intelligent, thoughtful, respectful adult!!!! 

[Kaytlin and Cooper]

Like Brandi I do not have children, and will not have any, so i do not need to worry about the punishing of bad behaviour. However, i totally agree with what you did. it taught your daughter valuable lessons - respect and empathy. Like you said in the video - its like being pulled up infront of the class in school. my Mum used to spank me when I was really bad. it never bothered me, but if we were in public... just the threat of her doing it in public was enough to make me behave. it was all about the embarrassment, not the "pain"

So many people these days are too scared to punish their children, especially in public. they give in to whatever they want so they do not cause a scene. I used to nanny an 11 year old boy. He once wanted to buy some hockey cards in a toy store but didnt have enough money. He wanted me to lend him the rest. When i said no he threatened to have a temper tantrum. I said ok go for it, the only one who will be embarrassed is him. He started screaming, but soon stopped when he realized I was going to let him do it. His mom by the way would never have given into him either!

Im not sure on how i stand on the guy shooting his kids laptop - in this day and age, people view things as disposable. Laptops are not cheap, and they do have an impact on the environment when they get disposed of. plus I think it might send out a message that its ok to shoot random things with guns, when gun ownership is a serious responsibility.

[Brandi]

I do not have any kids, and nor will I have any either.  So I don't really know how to punish children "properly", if there even is a proper way.  Everyone has their own opinion, but, I LOVE WHAT YOU DID!!!  I do not think at all that u humiliated your child.  I think you opened her eyes a lot. The age of 13 is a tender, confusing age for all kids, boys and girls alike.  If parents allow their children to disrespect them, then they will continue.  There has to be a stop put to it right away.  You did not rant and rave on facebook about how your daughter treated you, you simply made your daughter answer for her own actions.  Bravo, Denise, I think you handled it very well.  

When I seen the man that shot his daughters computer, I laughed for days about it.  I loved that one too, although he was a lot more dramatic then your punishment.  If more parents had the guts to really punish their children, this world would be a much happier place.  I work with the public and with teenage kids every day in my job, and I am appalled at the way some of these kids talk to their parents.  I agree with Nancy, you will have a daughter who respects her mother because you are teaching her values and respect, and according to your daughters response, she gets it :)... Kudos

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

OMD Denise, I saw this segment on The Today Show while I was getting ready for work..I didn't recognize you as you were blond when we met or I would have stopped brushing my teeth and really paid attention. I got the gist of the story when I saw Ava's picture with the red x though and was impressed with your imagination of how to use FB as a way to make her understand the offense. I remember oh so well the age of 13 and a daughter - ha ha.

You Rock!

[L.M.]

Good for you, Denise!  As Nancy said in her post, your daughter will grow into an adult who understands the value of respect.  I am also a teacher....high school English...and if I had more students with parents like you, my job would be much more enjoyable.  Instead, I have parents who insist that their children are perfect cherubs....lol but I won't get into that.  =P  And for the record, Rosie O'Donnell IS horrific!  lol 

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Way to go, Denise! As a teacher, I  see parents so often as non-parents. They are not setting rules, guiding behavior, role=modeling.  This is not the way to raise responsible adults.  I will bet your Ava, grows into a terrific adult who loves and respects her mother.