My Husband Has a New Girlfriend! Her Name is iPad 2!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Well, Christmas is over in our house for another year and this year, I made a big mistake.  The girls and I chipped in together and got my husband an iPad 2 or as my mother said, “some new fangled thing that she will never understand.” 

From the moment he opened that gift, I have come to understand what it must feel like to be one of the first three wives on the show Sister Wives when the newer, younger, more attractive, fourth wife showed up to vie for their husband’s attention.  Sure, it might have seemed like a good idea at the time and then reality sets in and you realize that younger model is getting all the attention you spent years earning.  This is exactly what happened to me as I got caught up in Black Friday madness and didn’t really think it all through.

This little gadget is advertised as being amazingly thin and light and packed with so many features it is hard to put down. It also offers a powerful performance that keeps on going.  As far as I am concerned, it sounds like a trophy wife to me and I pushed my husband right into her playful applications. 

I am not selling myself short, but I did once ask my husband if he thought of me as his trophy wife and he started laughing and wanted to know what kind of contest he had won.  Apple also says the iPad gets better with every app and there are over 140,000 apps available.  We have been married for a very long time and the last time I was brave enough to look down in the shower “better” was not the first adjective I came up with to describe what I saw and the only thing I have 140,000 of is hot flashes and mood swings and that is on a good day.  So, there is really no way I can compete with anything that offers that much fun and stimulation. 

 

My biggest regret was that I gave it to him on Christmas Eve and his fascination with his new gift caused him to miss most of what was happening on Christmas Day.  While the rest of us were excitedly exchanging gifts and oohing and aahing over our stuff, he was sitting in his recliner gazing at his new girlfriend.  He missed the moment when I handed my daughter and son-in-law a specially wrapped package and told them it was their big gift and it turned out to be the Doodle Calendar.  The first Christmas our son-in-law spent with us I asked him for his Christmas wish list and I knew right away I did not raise him when the list contained 4 items totaling $20.  My oldest daughter’s list resembles a Congressman’s expense account and she thinks unlimited funds are available to meet her demands. I have tried explaining on Christmas morning that Santa wants to retire before age 80 and Mrs. Claus has needs too, but all she says is, “I am ready for my next gift, please.  We can chit chat later.”  

 

It turns out, people who are expecting great things when they hear the words, “big gift!” can feel slightly misled when they open a Doodle calendar. I, myself, do not feel I misrepresented, and when I asked my husband to back me up on this point, I could tell by his confused look that he missed the whole calendar debacle that unfolded right before his eyes.  He did add, though, that his iPad had the ability to sync multiple calendars, which caused my mom to mention for the 50^th time that she was too old to understand all this “new stuff” and hoped the good Lord took her soon and me to ask him if his new toy also had the ability to sync human affection or predict whether or not his love life was going to take a big hit if he sync’d one more thing during Christmas. He said to hold on while he checked for that application.  

 

We are boring people and on New Year’s Eve you will always find us at home. Each year it seems we go out earlier and earlier and this year it was for breakfast. Our biggest tradition is that we say every year to our daughters that we are staying in and hoping some balls drop around here and they say back, “gross.” Some years, I have fallen asleep before the clock strikes midnight, but this year, I was awake and that was partly due to Vern who thought the fireworks outside meant he should jump on and off the bed and alert me to the noises outside.  He is very thoughtful that way. I wanted Vern to see that there was nothing to fear, so we all went outside to watch the fireworks. There were amazing displays all around us and I looked over at my husband only to see that he was missing everything lighting up around us, including Vern playing his own version of Freeze Tag whenever a loud boom went off, because he was holding his iPad in the air towards the sky.  Apparently, he was trying out a new application called Night Sky that makes it easy to identify the planets and constellations.  So, as the dogs and I were ringing in the New Year in the traditional way, he was announcing that he had just found Jupiter.  I couldn’t resist when I answered back, “Happy New Year!  Now, try and find Uranus next."

 

I guess I have to take full responsibility for giving him the means to “check out” from time to time with life around him.  I mean, who wouldn’t want a partner/friend that comes with a mute button and an on/off switch.  Think of the possibilities.  Meanwhile, he has just purchased a set of earphones and I have to be careful that he isn’t wearing them when I go to tell him a story.  After all, I know he doesn’t want to miss out on everything.

 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jennifer, Get him an iPad. He will never bother you again....LOL!! Thanks for the nice comment!!

[Jennifer,Chloe & Myla]

Wow! Laurie what a great gift! I wasn't going to sign on because I'm supposed to begetting ready for a DR appt. but I can never resist reading your blogs so here I am pushing the time limits-just wanted to say thanks for the great laugh!! This is great and oh so true! I hope the greatness wears off a little bit soon so you can have your husband back! Donna has a good point about the being on DK distraction though! I need to think of something so DH can stop saying WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO ON THERE!! HELLO?!?!?! REMEMBER US???? WHATEVER!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thank you, Pat!!

[Pat and Traveler]

Still laughing!!!!  Laurie, this is just great!  Found Jupiter....  LOL  That whole bit about the fireworks was hysterical!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Lauria, I am glad your husband and you enjoyed the blog. I was messing around with my DD's iPad 2 and I think you got a great gift for Christmas. You must have been on the nice list this year :)

[Lauria Orr]

HOWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Laurie,Laurie,Laurie!  I pulled my DH in to read your blog.  You are just so funny!  He has a short attention span normally, as he has a well tuned "check-out" button going himself. He enjoyed your blog immensely.  He has a big screen TV in every room, including the garage.  I know his job is stressful, and this is a good way to chill for him.  Still, it drives me nuts. The funny thing is, he got me an iPad 2 for Christmas this year!  Now we can sit side by side with our respective electronics.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Linda and F! I will tell him, although he probably already knows by now...LOL!

Donna, Thank you! I will tell him. Meanwhile, I am worried my next blog is going be: My Husband has a new girlfriend....her name is Joanne....LOL!!

Joanne, I am glad I can be of service. My DH doesn't need a hot flash app...he sees it every day :)

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

p.s.  I am printing that HOT FLASH PICTURE and hanging here on the computer table.  I needed that picture in so many ways.

Oh and hey, John.  There is a hot flash app................... I just made that up but just maybe there is one   har har

[Donna K & Quincy]

OOPS, forgot to tell you, your husband's wife is freakin awesome. You should tell him this just in case he needs a reminder.

[F, Calla & Luca]

You can read the Kindle books on any good tablet. I've read on my Xoom. You can also read on a PC etc. And read the books from one device to another.