My Husband Has a New Girlfriend! Her Name is iPad 2!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Well, Christmas is over in our house for another year and this year, I made a big mistake.  The girls and I chipped in together and got my husband an iPad 2 or as my mother said, “some new fangled thing that she will never understand.” 

From the moment he opened that gift, I have come to understand what it must feel like to be one of the first three wives on the show Sister Wives when the newer, younger, more attractive, fourth wife showed up to vie for their husband’s attention.  Sure, it might have seemed like a good idea at the time and then reality sets in and you realize that younger model is getting all the attention you spent years earning.  This is exactly what happened to me as I got caught up in Black Friday madness and didn’t really think it all through.

This little gadget is advertised as being amazingly thin and light and packed with so many features it is hard to put down. It also offers a powerful performance that keeps on going.  As far as I am concerned, it sounds like a trophy wife to me and I pushed my husband right into her playful applications. 

I am not selling myself short, but I did once ask my husband if he thought of me as his trophy wife and he started laughing and wanted to know what kind of contest he had won.  Apple also says the iPad gets better with every app and there are over 140,000 apps available.  We have been married for a very long time and the last time I was brave enough to look down in the shower “better” was not the first adjective I came up with to describe what I saw and the only thing I have 140,000 of is hot flashes and mood swings and that is on a good day.  So, there is really no way I can compete with anything that offers that much fun and stimulation. 

 

My biggest regret was that I gave it to him on Christmas Eve and his fascination with his new gift caused him to miss most of what was happening on Christmas Day.  While the rest of us were excitedly exchanging gifts and oohing and aahing over our stuff, he was sitting in his recliner gazing at his new girlfriend.  He missed the moment when I handed my daughter and son-in-law a specially wrapped package and told them it was their big gift and it turned out to be the Doodle Calendar.  The first Christmas our son-in-law spent with us I asked him for his Christmas wish list and I knew right away I did not raise him when the list contained 4 items totaling $20.  My oldest daughter’s list resembles a Congressman’s expense account and she thinks unlimited funds are available to meet her demands. I have tried explaining on Christmas morning that Santa wants to retire before age 80 and Mrs. Claus has needs too, but all she says is, “I am ready for my next gift, please.  We can chit chat later.”  

 

It turns out, people who are expecting great things when they hear the words, “big gift!” can feel slightly misled when they open a Doodle calendar. I, myself, do not feel I misrepresented, and when I asked my husband to back me up on this point, I could tell by his confused look that he missed the whole calendar debacle that unfolded right before his eyes.  He did add, though, that his iPad had the ability to sync multiple calendars, which caused my mom to mention for the 50^th time that she was too old to understand all this “new stuff” and hoped the good Lord took her soon and me to ask him if his new toy also had the ability to sync human affection or predict whether or not his love life was going to take a big hit if he sync’d one more thing during Christmas. He said to hold on while he checked for that application.  

 

We are boring people and on New Year’s Eve you will always find us at home. Each year it seems we go out earlier and earlier and this year it was for breakfast. Our biggest tradition is that we say every year to our daughters that we are staying in and hoping some balls drop around here and they say back, “gross.” Some years, I have fallen asleep before the clock strikes midnight, but this year, I was awake and that was partly due to Vern who thought the fireworks outside meant he should jump on and off the bed and alert me to the noises outside.  He is very thoughtful that way. I wanted Vern to see that there was nothing to fear, so we all went outside to watch the fireworks. There were amazing displays all around us and I looked over at my husband only to see that he was missing everything lighting up around us, including Vern playing his own version of Freeze Tag whenever a loud boom went off, because he was holding his iPad in the air towards the sky.  Apparently, he was trying out a new application called Night Sky that makes it easy to identify the planets and constellations.  So, as the dogs and I were ringing in the New Year in the traditional way, he was announcing that he had just found Jupiter.  I couldn’t resist when I answered back, “Happy New Year!  Now, try and find Uranus next."

 

I guess I have to take full responsibility for giving him the means to “check out” from time to time with life around him.  I mean, who wouldn’t want a partner/friend that comes with a mute button and an on/off switch.  Think of the possibilities.  Meanwhile, he has just purchased a set of earphones and I have to be careful that he isn’t wearing them when I go to tell him a story.  After all, I know he doesn’t want to miss out on everything.

 

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Oh and hey, John. I see your wife looking a bit like Angry Birds ( now that is an addictive app)

Do you see the resemblance?   You may have to tone it down some.  

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Oh and hey, John.  I use the Sky app a lot. Love the app.   It really works well at identifying things in the sky.  It was the first app I purchased.  Just used it last week looking for the North Star.

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

He may have a new girlfriend but there is NO ONE like his wife   :)   I am certain he knows just how lucky he is.  If you are feeling lonely may I suggest you connect Apps to your body parts.  You know--press this-,press that. Something maybe like a touch screen. Okay, so put yourself behind plexiglass naked.  That might work  :)

Oh and John ( this is DH's name-right)   Does the ipad 2 come in male?   I LOVE my iphone and really can't get it out of my pants pocket so I get what you are feeling

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Don't worry I pawned it to get Daisy - she was worth it!

[Linda, Webber and Seda]

Laurie, I love my Kindle.  Especially like the wifi/3G thing so it can go anywhere with me and my books are right there.  Did you know that I can lend you books in my Kindle library via the internet?  My sister and I do this often. It is very cool.  And, you can also borrow books from the library in your town (or at least I can at my local library).  I would like to have color, since I read photography books on the Kindle and the pictures are only black and white.  I'm not sure I need two Kindles though, and the Fire isn't 3G.

[Camilla and Darwin]

Is it bad that this post not only made me laugh but also made me want an ipad? LOL

[Leslie and Halas]

I love my iPad! Will he let it replace books?

[Carol and Banjo]

Ohhhh....I'd love your hubby's new girlfriend!!!     Doesn't his new obsession just give you a guilt free pass to DK?

Funny, funny post and pics Laurie!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Karen, I have trouble with our remote too, since we went digital. I do like how you think about me needing a new friend too. I might have to make that mandatory, if this continues :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Nicky, Thank you! I say life is short, go get one  :)

BG, LOL...yes, I have been told before lilac is my color :) She doesn't look very happy, does she??

Doris, You are just taking a break from skiing. Perfectly understandable :)

Thanks, Christine and Deanna!

Adina, I must have left you speechless!

F, What great advice! I need your cousin in my life. I will tell him your theory on all the stuff up in the sky. He might have an application to discount that theory...LOL!