My Husband Has a New Girlfriend! Her Name is iPad 2!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Well, Christmas is over in our house for another year and this year, I made a big mistake.  The girls and I chipped in together and got my husband an iPad 2 or as my mother said, “some new fangled thing that she will never understand.” 

From the moment he opened that gift, I have come to understand what it must feel like to be one of the first three wives on the show Sister Wives when the newer, younger, more attractive, fourth wife showed up to vie for their husband’s attention.  Sure, it might have seemed like a good idea at the time and then reality sets in and you realize that younger model is getting all the attention you spent years earning.  This is exactly what happened to me as I got caught up in Black Friday madness and didn’t really think it all through.

This little gadget is advertised as being amazingly thin and light and packed with so many features it is hard to put down. It also offers a powerful performance that keeps on going.  As far as I am concerned, it sounds like a trophy wife to me and I pushed my husband right into her playful applications. 

I am not selling myself short, but I did once ask my husband if he thought of me as his trophy wife and he started laughing and wanted to know what kind of contest he had won.  Apple also says the iPad gets better with every app and there are over 140,000 apps available.  We have been married for a very long time and the last time I was brave enough to look down in the shower “better” was not the first adjective I came up with to describe what I saw and the only thing I have 140,000 of is hot flashes and mood swings and that is on a good day.  So, there is really no way I can compete with anything that offers that much fun and stimulation. 

 

My biggest regret was that I gave it to him on Christmas Eve and his fascination with his new gift caused him to miss most of what was happening on Christmas Day.  While the rest of us were excitedly exchanging gifts and oohing and aahing over our stuff, he was sitting in his recliner gazing at his new girlfriend.  He missed the moment when I handed my daughter and son-in-law a specially wrapped package and told them it was their big gift and it turned out to be the Doodle Calendar.  The first Christmas our son-in-law spent with us I asked him for his Christmas wish list and I knew right away I did not raise him when the list contained 4 items totaling $20.  My oldest daughter’s list resembles a Congressman’s expense account and she thinks unlimited funds are available to meet her demands. I have tried explaining on Christmas morning that Santa wants to retire before age 80 and Mrs. Claus has needs too, but all she says is, “I am ready for my next gift, please.  We can chit chat later.”  

 

It turns out, people who are expecting great things when they hear the words, “big gift!” can feel slightly misled when they open a Doodle calendar. I, myself, do not feel I misrepresented, and when I asked my husband to back me up on this point, I could tell by his confused look that he missed the whole calendar debacle that unfolded right before his eyes.  He did add, though, that his iPad had the ability to sync multiple calendars, which caused my mom to mention for the 50^th time that she was too old to understand all this “new stuff” and hoped the good Lord took her soon and me to ask him if his new toy also had the ability to sync human affection or predict whether or not his love life was going to take a big hit if he sync’d one more thing during Christmas. He said to hold on while he checked for that application.  

 

We are boring people and on New Year’s Eve you will always find us at home. Each year it seems we go out earlier and earlier and this year it was for breakfast. Our biggest tradition is that we say every year to our daughters that we are staying in and hoping some balls drop around here and they say back, “gross.” Some years, I have fallen asleep before the clock strikes midnight, but this year, I was awake and that was partly due to Vern who thought the fireworks outside meant he should jump on and off the bed and alert me to the noises outside.  He is very thoughtful that way. I wanted Vern to see that there was nothing to fear, so we all went outside to watch the fireworks. There were amazing displays all around us and I looked over at my husband only to see that he was missing everything lighting up around us, including Vern playing his own version of Freeze Tag whenever a loud boom went off, because he was holding his iPad in the air towards the sky.  Apparently, he was trying out a new application called Night Sky that makes it easy to identify the planets and constellations.  So, as the dogs and I were ringing in the New Year in the traditional way, he was announcing that he had just found Jupiter.  I couldn’t resist when I answered back, “Happy New Year!  Now, try and find Uranus next."

 

I guess I have to take full responsibility for giving him the means to “check out” from time to time with life around him.  I mean, who wouldn’t want a partner/friend that comes with a mute button and an on/off switch.  Think of the possibilities.  Meanwhile, he has just purchased a set of earphones and I have to be careful that he isn’t wearing them when I go to tell him a story.  After all, I know he doesn’t want to miss out on everything.

 

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I am still trying to figure out how to use the TV remote, so your mom and I have a lot in common.

But maybe a new "friend" of your own would get your DH's attention off of Miss iPad. And of course, as Marilyn reminded us, diamonds are a girl's best friend. ;)

 

 

[Kaytlin and Cooper]

Oh Laurie, your blogs are the highlight of my day... week... month.... maybe even year!!!!

[Denise & Hunter!!!]

My husband calls my iPad the "obedient man in my life" lol lol lol

[Linda, Webber and Seda]

Loved this blog!  "Now try and find Uranus next".  LOL.  I don't have an iPad and want one every day.  But, I can almost pay for the camera lens I want with what I would pay for the Ipad 2.  So, one thing at a time.  Has anyone tried the Kindle fire yet?  

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Lisa, She is actually going to Cleveland (4 hours from home) to see him. My sister is flying in from out East to take her. It has involved numerous calls, people taking off work, looking at airfares, buses, etc., but she does not care. Luckily, a niece is driving her, because she wanted to drive herself, in which case, I would have alerted you to stay off the roads :)

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

I would so love an Ipad! I often feel like I'm dating my laptop. I can't afford one now with all of Winnie's vet bills :( Maybe next year. Your husband is a lucky guy!

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Ha ha, is he coming to your town or hers? He is coming to Cleveland this year, not sure when though.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

LIsa, My mom is "only" 85....LOL, but tech savvy she ain't :) She has, however, been using her phone a lot trying to line up Neil Diamond tickets.

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Mom is pretty savvy for sure. She is not so good with the phone because of hearing loss so it's good she is in touch with her devices! Ha ha, she actually taught me how to use it.

My Mom is only 75 (funny how the older I get how the "only" word is in front of the number).

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Elizabeth, I might have to tell him to add the DK bookmark to his iPad, just in case. I doubt I could get it away from him long enough to do it myself :)

Jennifer, I am going to keep Angry Birds to myself...LOL!!

Bryce and Melody, This blog was supposed to make you not want one....LOL!!

Jane, I got a new Kindle and I am figuring that out. Baby steps...LOL!!

Jane, Oh, he has a work phone too and I know what you mean :) We do have a fish pond too...LOL!

Lisa, I am impressed with your mom. My mom was having problems with the digital camera we got her. I half expect it to be returned. Some might say I am addicted to my computer, and no one better try and wrestle it away from me :)