On the Road Again!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I should have known better by the looks Fudge gave me all last week that she knew something that I didn’t.  My dogs were out of sorts all week because our luggage made an appearance and nothing ever good happens for them when that happens.  Fudge stayed close to me all week and slept with us every night snuggled up to me. At times, I would catch her just looking at me and other times, when I sat down she would sit right up against me until I gave her some hugs. One night Vern kept coming into the bedroom and staring at me. I kept telling him to go tell daddy what he needed, but there he stood until I got up to see what he needed. He wouldn’t go out and instead sat in front of the sofa until I sat down and then he lifted his big paw to get me to hold it and later I cuddled with him IN HIS BED until he fell asleep. They both must have known that we would have been better off staying home with them, instead of making a trip to Portland, OR, to see our daughter and her husband, their two French Bulldogs, and two cats. 

Can I just preface this by saying I HATE TO FLY!! I don’t even do passenger in a car well and would probably be a back seat driver on a horse if I could find one to ride. I told you to stop galloping and you just missed our turn.  I just don’t like to think that someone I don’t know is in charge of my well being at an altitude of 35,000 feet.  Even if I was sitting in the cockpit with the pilot and had no clue what all the buttons and knobs meant, I would be positive I could fly better than the pilot. I complained most of the week that I did not want to get on a plane and got mad at anyone who said something dumb like, “it will be fine.”  Oh, and don’t quote a fearful person statistics and say the probability of a plane crashing are a million to one, because you are just reinforcing that planes do crash and I could be the one. I just don’t like odds because I am not a lucky person, except when it comes to the odds of having a slowpoke in line in front of me.  The odds are always good that when I am in line to buy a pack of gum or a Starbucks gift card and I am holding cash in hand, the person in front of me will be ordering a “One Grande, Nonfat, Half-Caf, Extra Hot Latte with Whipped Cream, Light Foam, 1-1/2 packets of Sweet 'n' Low, 2 packets of Sugar, 1/2 pack of Equal, and can you name all your sauces?” and paying for it with a credit card that they can’t find in their purse.  So, to be fair, when you take into consideration the stress I generated all week combined with my combative remarks said after any comment made to try and make me feel better, was it any wonder that when I asked John if I should wear my wedding rings so nobody stole me out from under him, he said rather quickly, “ I thought we were on vacation and going to have fun.”

When you are a nervous flyer the last thing you need to see at the airport is the attendant asking a quite elderly couple seated at an exit aisle if they are able to open the exit doors should an emergency occur and see the frail looking man shake his head yes.  I would much prefer to see a large, strapping, youthful individual manning the exit doors, because even though I have been taught to respect my elders, if that old man can’t get the door open you had better believe I will be first in line to toss him aside.  The other exit door person was a foreign lady who seemed to speak or understand very little English; right up until they told her she would have to get her ticket changed if she didn’t want to man the exit doors. After that, she agreed to the job, but then tried to board with an enormous piece of luggage that they told her twice would have to be checked and even was tagged to be checked. Somehow, she got the checked piece of luggage all the way to the airplane door and finally got the message when the stewardess refused to let her board and had to take the luggage back to where she started.  She was either dumb as a fox or dumb as a doornail, but either way, I did not want someone who had to be told something four times to be in charge of the other exit door.

 

Despite all this, I got on the plane and was feeling pretty good, and then the pilot announced that we were not going anywhere just yet, because there was a mechanical problem, something about hydraulics, and maintenance had been called. Two and half hours later we were still sitting on the plane, because once the mechanical problem finally got resolved, Houston was getting hit hard with bad weather and that just happened to be where we were catching our connecting flight to Portland, or so we thought.

I did get really excited when they said they were passing out cookies, because cookies have gotten me through many stressful situations, until I saw they were coffee flavored cookies which I would rank up there with communion wafers as a refreshment item.  I told John that was the last straw and we laughed. We did survive the flight and made it to Houston in one piece and I did get one laugh from the woman next to me, when the pilot seemed to accelerate upon landing only to screech to a terrific stop and I said, “that is how I stop at a red light!”  John seemed too numb at that point to answer any more of my “is that sound normal?” questions or even respond to my voice, so my joke went over his head, but I appreciated the woman’s laughter.

 

Yep, if you guessed we missed our connecting flight and had to stay a night in Houston with no hope to get to Portland until 6:30 pm the next day, you would get one point for being correct.  Oh, and in case you thought we were put up in some swanky hotel, I think you had swanky confused with skanky and to say it was a dump was a step up from actuality. In fact, the first thing I noticed besides the smell was a LIZARD on our wall.  As I was screaming that we were not staying in this hotel for even one night, John calmed me right down by saying there were lizards everywhere in Texas and probably in other rooms and hotels as well. He then fell into bed leaving me no hope that we would be exiting this hell anytime soon. We slept with the light on that night so I could see any lizards coming at me and I can only hope that each time he awakened during the night, the sight of me in my bra and underwear (we did not have a spare change of clothes with us) scared him as much as the thought of lizards in our room scared me.

The next day, Doris (Knox and Flash) was sweet enough to offer to drive the 200 mile trip to take us to lunch, but I told her that was too much trouble, so she sent her sister to keep us company in the airport.  I think that just proves you can make true friends right her on DoodleKisses.  I also think all that goodwill brought us good luck, because we were able to fly standby on an earlier flight and made it to Portland in time for dinner out with our daughter and son-in-law.  Despite our initial troubles, we have had a glorious time with my daughter, son-in-law, her two French Bulldogs, and two cats.

The only downside has been her car and the fact that it takes me 30 minutes to unwind out of it and another 30 minutes to get my hair to stop sticking up from her putting the top down once I eventually get on solid ground. I plan on kissing my blue van first thing when I get home and the subtle clues I have been giving off, “put the damn top up!’ have fallen on deaf ears.  Their apartment is actually a studio size with loft and to say we are quite cozy is an understatement. I could stretch from one end of her bathroom to the other, so I have just taken to saying, “I will be changing now! If you don’t want to see me naked, close your eyes.”  I have noticed that all three adults squeeze their eyes shut when I yell that out and once they told the dogs and cats to close their eyes, too, which I thought was overkill.  I always ask one last time, “Doc, are you sure you are not looking?” and last time I said it, Megan said, “Mom, Doc doesn’t even like to look at you with your clothes on, so get over yourself.” Sometimes, I wonder what I miss about her and she made great fun of me when I was showing her pictures of Hayley and Fudge and I said, “I really miss Fudge.”  I also thought it was funny when she told us what a great air mattress she had gotten and how her friend said it was the most comfortable air mattress she had ever slept on, and I said, “Well, I hope you enjoy sleeping on it.”  She did, but sometimes the overflow has spilled over to our bed and Jazz and her cat, Scooby, seem to prefer sleeping with us. 

 

We have had much fun and John and Doc have taken to high fiving each other when one of them says something about the two of us being so much alike.  Yesterday, after we said they were like twins, they almost dislocated their arms slapping each other when one of them said, “well, we are the good twins and you are the evil twins!” and really, who even thinks that is funny?  I prefer to side with Megan rather than against her, because she can rattle off some zingers and I seem to be her main victim. Every time I looked in my over packed suitcase and said, “I need to find something to wear to make me look pretty,” she said back, “Do you have a Burka in there?”

I asked John to admonish her, but all he said was, “that was a good one. I’ll have to remember that one.”  She is already saying she will miss us and I guess we will be asked back. The first night I knocked the fan over twice into the dog food and water and I thought she was going to ask us to go to a hotel, but she didn’t, and when I offered, she about had a fit.  Despite even the Burka comment, the last thing I plan on saying to her at the airport is, “we’ll be back!” I just wish we could bring Fudge and Vern next time, because they never crack jokes at my expense.  

Megan and Doc!

This happened the day we finally arrived!

[Pat and Traveler]

Hilarious, Laurie!

OMD!  That was the trip from hell!  Amazing how the dogs always know when we're going out or away.  Of course, the luggage is a big clue.  :)  Love how Vern always wants to 'hold hands' when he's worried.

The French Bulldogs are so cute--they look like refrigerator magnets!  Remember those black and white Scottie magnets? 

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Oh this trip sounds like such a nightmare...right up to the part where you get to be with your DD (I'm sure that made it all worthwhile).  Laurie, she looks so much like you....does she have an orange bikini?

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Laurie, Laurie - only you!  This is too funny but just look at this trip as a warm up for October.  You'll be flying again, oh and Florida is just crawling with lizards, let's just hope they can't get on the ship!!

[Lori, Quincy & Frankie]

My sister lives in Houston.  When she first moved into her house, there were water bugs that came out at night to watch TV with us...The lizards were cute compared to water bugs that were big enough that you could saddle! 

We are flying down to see our son in Disney-so I feel your pain...plus we are leaving Quincy for the first time.  I am starting to hyperventilate...

I only hope I can find the humor in it all as you always manage to do!  Please make sure you keep writing these blogs to get me through the trip!  

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

Rough start but hopefully things are looking up now!  Enjoy your trip!  If I had a bucket list Oregon would be on it.  However, I'd be driving as the girls would have to go as well!  Have a great time and a safe trip home.

[Lonnie & Libby Lu]

Oh my Laurie you have had a few obstacles on your trip so far!  I'm with you on the flying, nothing I hate more!  I would rather have a root canal then fly and I beg, borrow and steal to try and talk us out of flying.  Does not work:(  Now the lizards would be the final straw in my book.  No sleeping for me with those things crawling around.  One thing for sure you are with your daughter and son and law in a beautiful state and it does not get better then being with family.  Have fun on the rest of your trip and enjoy your vacation! 

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Not a good start to a vacation, but there was no way to go from lizard infested rooms but up.  The rainbow is certainly a good omen for the rest of your trip.  Next time - DRIVE.