Please Pass the Turkey and Gravy and If You Don't Mind, Stop Coughing!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

 

Every year, we go to my sister’s for Thanksgiving.  I am thankful she wants to do this holiday, because without her, the rest of us would just make reservations somewhere. Everyone brings something and we all have our signature dishes. She goes all out and pulls out her fine china, silver, and crystal goblets. I would be just as happy with Dixie paper plates, plastic silverware, and those cheap throwaway wine glasses you can buy at the Dollar store, so the cleanup only involved a large garbage bag and me saying, “throw your fancy china here, please.”  This year, my mom had to polish all the silverware and she told everyone at the dinner table she would rather clean toilets then do it again.  I made mention of the fact that when she stays at my house, the only thing I have seen her polish off is the last of the homemade cookies and she probably told me to be quiet.

 

We have an eclectic group of people at the table and this year, the crowd had dwindled enough that there was no kid’s table. Keep in mind, the oldest kid will be 28 in April and the youngest is in college. Luckily for me, I was seated next to the one guest who had a very bad cough.  I am not talking about the “I have a slight tickle in my throat” kind of cough, but rather the kind of cough that you fear will produce a lung at any moment.  My sister’s tradition is that we all hold hands during the prayer and I tried getting her attention and miming that I did not relish holding someone’s hand who seemed to have something equivalent to Whooping cough.  Unfortunately, my sister did not seem to be able to lip read the words, “get me a Hazmat suit NOW!” because the next thing I knew we were all holding hands.  Later, while others were asking for the butter or salt, I wanted to ask if someone could please pass the antibacterial soap, a facemask and rubber gloves.

 

The coughing went on all day and at times I had to bite down on another dinner roll just so I didn’t blurt out, “Shut up already, so we can enjoy our mashed potatoes!”  I was also concerned about the direction the conversation was taking because we all know that when someone starts discussing how much phlegm a cough is producing, you might as well have the Poop group in attendance too. My mom was already starting to exhibit signs of extreme impatience, because the food kept hitting a bottleneck two plates down from her.  The gentleman causing it seemed to be oblivious to the fact that most of us were there for the food and not to watch him open a bottle of wine and place bets on whether or not he completed the task by Christmas. Those of us directly related to my mom knew it was only a matter of time before she thumped him on the head with one of those polished forks if he didn’t start passing the food. All that, combined with the incessant coughing, was plucking every nerve my mother owned and she kept insisting that a cough drop or cough syrup would probably help. It was hard to hear what the coughing person replied because at times she was gagging and choking, but I think she said she couldn’t take either or she would have a bad reaction. You could see on my mother’s face that she was thinking she didn’t care if it closed off her airway as long as she stopped coughing. Luckily, we were able to distract my mom with the cranberry salad before she said what was on her mind.

 

One year, someone at the dinner table got sick and because of his location at the table was unable to get out in time.  I felt bad for the person, but couldn’t help wishing he had timed it a little better because desserts had just been served and I rarely pass up a dessert, but I did that day.  From the other people’s reactions, I can also tell you that nothing says, “Thanksgiving dinner is over,” like a heaving guest.  We did learn that night that in case of fire, we could all file out of the dining room in a quick and orderly fashion in a matter of seconds.  Later, I did say to the sick guest that if he did not want to clear the table, he could have just said so, and he responded back that he thought he had done a pretty good job of clearing the table. It was heartwarming to see that a sick person still had a sense of humor. All I know is that the following year, my sister assigned seats and placed this person nearer to an exit and I whispered to her prior to dinner that if she put me next to him, she had better be prepared to defend herself if we had a reoccurrence of the previous year’s entertainment.

 

This is the second year that my oldest daughter and her husband have not been home for Thanksgiving.  Holidays are not the same when your kids are not there and when I told my daughter that I missed her and Fudge and Vern at Thanksgiving, she made mention of the fact that Fudge and Vern were not my kids. She then went on to say she had just watched a movie about a crazy woman who kept getting more dogs and referring to them as people and how I was starting to remind her of that lady.  As she was talking, I thought maybe separate holidays might not be so bad after all, because I would hate to think about her going on and on at the Thanksgiving dinner table about how spoiled her sister Fudge and brother Vern were and interrupting the quiet moments when the coughing finally stopped.  I hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving with their own unique family and friends.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Okay, bigger rig needed. I think Carol needs to come here first and then we can leave together : )

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

F, I'll be ready...LOL!! The sad thing is I do have two washing machines.....long story :)

Carol, Yes....Doodle Thanksgiving Romp sounds great!! F will pick us all up. My sister would kill me if I showed up with that stuff....LOL!!

Jennifer, Thanks. So far, so good!

[Jennifer,Chloe & Myla]

Awesome! I hope you don't get sick!! Loved the post and I'm glad you survived that! We had no such excitement.

[Carol and Banjo]

Hmmmmm......reading the responses here......are we heading towards a "Doodle Thanksgiving Romp" next year?? LOL

Laurie......would it be out of line next year to come with a face mask and barf bag?   

[F, Calla & Luca]

Won't Karen be pleasantly surprised when four doodles and four humans, assuming you bring everyone, arrive on her doorstep. I'll pick you up on the way, now where do I rent the rig?

I vote for buying a second machine for the rest of them , BTW.

And Jane, Robin McKenzie has great back advice. I may have told you this before. But even if your back is better, let someone else, even if it's Pizza Hut, do the work!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jane, You didn't sound like a grouch, just like you had a bad back :) I have never learned to delegate and still do everyone's laundry because I don't want them touching my machine. I do, however, mention it to others that they don't do their laundry and leave that part out.....LOL!!! Feel better. I vote Pizza for Christmas and the Irish Brothers don't have to contend with another doodle.

Deanna, I did notice the cougher was a coffee drinker. Maybe there is a pattern here....LOL! I think I would have been more forgiving if the cougher had been a doodle owner too :) I am sorry you have had to deal with this and I will tell my mom you agreed about the cough medicines.

[Donna K & Quincy]

@Jane, You're allowed to grouch, it really sucks when your back goes out more than you do. ">)

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

I know this won't necessarily be PC, but I'm going to take this opportunity to defend that poor cougher.  For much of my life, I WAS that cougher.  I know now that it was due primarily to allergies, but I used to think it was just my lot in life to get sick just before Thanksgiving and stay sick through the new year.  I'd usually develop THAT cough - one that, as you described, was apt to produce a lung at any moment.  Over the years, I've coughed so violently that I've pulled muscles in my back and abs and once coughed so hard that I "separated" my ribs.  And literally NOTHING would help.  Cough medicines either hyped me up too badly or knocked me out entirely.  And forget about cough drops - the cough originated in my chest, not my throat!  Anyhow, I'm much better now that I have my allergies more under control.

 

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I just reread my response and realized that I sounded like such a grouch.  I do know that I'm lucky to have such a wonderful family living so close to me....this back pain is just turning me into a big crank.  Of course you're right, F....I need to learn to delegate, and I'm thinking pizza for XMAS sounds good right about now.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

F, I think I will ride along with you next year to Karen's house. The "kids" actually complained that they were at the adult table...LOL! I guess we are boring. My husband has your ideas...he arrives right at dinnertime and leaves shortly thereafter and uses Fudge and Vern as his excuse :) Glad your Tom Turkey turned out great.

Donna, She said it was asthma, so I hope it is not the gift that arrives at my house this week. I do tell my DD that, but she doesn't buy it...LOL! Quincy should have his own room with his calendar hanging on his own bulletin board :) I am totally with you on the company...nice to have....nice to see leave. They all wear me out.

Karen, Your DD sounds amazing. I cannot believe she serves lunch before doing the dinner. WOW!!! The food sounds so good at her house and hopefully, no one was coughing during the whole thing :)

Jane, You need to say no to Christmas. One holiday is enough and let them go get Chinese food like we do :)  Poor Murphy. I would have been mad if Fudge and Vern had to stay in the bedroom, so a dog that didn't live with us enjoyed his Thanksgiving. When they show up for Christmas....don't answer the door...LOL! I hope your back is better.