Please Pass the Turkey and Gravy and If You Don't Mind, Stop Coughing!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

 

Every year, we go to my sister’s for Thanksgiving.  I am thankful she wants to do this holiday, because without her, the rest of us would just make reservations somewhere. Everyone brings something and we all have our signature dishes. She goes all out and pulls out her fine china, silver, and crystal goblets. I would be just as happy with Dixie paper plates, plastic silverware, and those cheap throwaway wine glasses you can buy at the Dollar store, so the cleanup only involved a large garbage bag and me saying, “throw your fancy china here, please.”  This year, my mom had to polish all the silverware and she told everyone at the dinner table she would rather clean toilets then do it again.  I made mention of the fact that when she stays at my house, the only thing I have seen her polish off is the last of the homemade cookies and she probably told me to be quiet.

 

We have an eclectic group of people at the table and this year, the crowd had dwindled enough that there was no kid’s table. Keep in mind, the oldest kid will be 28 in April and the youngest is in college. Luckily for me, I was seated next to the one guest who had a very bad cough.  I am not talking about the “I have a slight tickle in my throat” kind of cough, but rather the kind of cough that you fear will produce a lung at any moment.  My sister’s tradition is that we all hold hands during the prayer and I tried getting her attention and miming that I did not relish holding someone’s hand who seemed to have something equivalent to Whooping cough.  Unfortunately, my sister did not seem to be able to lip read the words, “get me a Hazmat suit NOW!” because the next thing I knew we were all holding hands.  Later, while others were asking for the butter or salt, I wanted to ask if someone could please pass the antibacterial soap, a facemask and rubber gloves.

 

The coughing went on all day and at times I had to bite down on another dinner roll just so I didn’t blurt out, “Shut up already, so we can enjoy our mashed potatoes!”  I was also concerned about the direction the conversation was taking because we all know that when someone starts discussing how much phlegm a cough is producing, you might as well have the Poop group in attendance too. My mom was already starting to exhibit signs of extreme impatience, because the food kept hitting a bottleneck two plates down from her.  The gentleman causing it seemed to be oblivious to the fact that most of us were there for the food and not to watch him open a bottle of wine and place bets on whether or not he completed the task by Christmas. Those of us directly related to my mom knew it was only a matter of time before she thumped him on the head with one of those polished forks if he didn’t start passing the food. All that, combined with the incessant coughing, was plucking every nerve my mother owned and she kept insisting that a cough drop or cough syrup would probably help. It was hard to hear what the coughing person replied because at times she was gagging and choking, but I think she said she couldn’t take either or she would have a bad reaction. You could see on my mother’s face that she was thinking she didn’t care if it closed off her airway as long as she stopped coughing. Luckily, we were able to distract my mom with the cranberry salad before she said what was on her mind.

 

One year, someone at the dinner table got sick and because of his location at the table was unable to get out in time.  I felt bad for the person, but couldn’t help wishing he had timed it a little better because desserts had just been served and I rarely pass up a dessert, but I did that day.  From the other people’s reactions, I can also tell you that nothing says, “Thanksgiving dinner is over,” like a heaving guest.  We did learn that night that in case of fire, we could all file out of the dining room in a quick and orderly fashion in a matter of seconds.  Later, I did say to the sick guest that if he did not want to clear the table, he could have just said so, and he responded back that he thought he had done a pretty good job of clearing the table. It was heartwarming to see that a sick person still had a sense of humor. All I know is that the following year, my sister assigned seats and placed this person nearer to an exit and I whispered to her prior to dinner that if she put me next to him, she had better be prepared to defend herself if we had a reoccurrence of the previous year’s entertainment.

 

This is the second year that my oldest daughter and her husband have not been home for Thanksgiving.  Holidays are not the same when your kids are not there and when I told my daughter that I missed her and Fudge and Vern at Thanksgiving, she made mention of the fact that Fudge and Vern were not my kids. She then went on to say she had just watched a movie about a crazy woman who kept getting more dogs and referring to them as people and how I was starting to remind her of that lady.  As she was talking, I thought maybe separate holidays might not be so bad after all, because I would hate to think about her going on and on at the Thanksgiving dinner table about how spoiled her sister Fudge and brother Vern were and interrupting the quiet moments when the coughing finally stopped.  I hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving with their own unique family and friends.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Jane, when are those girls going to take over a bit? Not a moment too soon if you ask me, not that you did. But really!

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

As always, Laurie, I'm rolling on the floor now.  I threw my back out (again) on Thanksgiving morning and since I'm the only one in the family of 20 that cooks, I literally crawled through the day....giving thanks for anything was pretty far from my mind.  It clearly didn't bother anyone else though as they all ate their way through the day.  My nephew brought his Doodle and since his dog and Murph are bitter enemies that meant that the Irish Brothers had to spend the entire day in the bedroom.  Murph decided to show his dissatisfaction with this arrangement by pooping on my bedroom carpet (he hasn't done that since we got his IBS under control).  So while others were eating my poor DH was on his hands and knees scrubbing the carpet.  Everyone said the dinner was great...I wouldn't know because I was too busy serving and waiting on people to eat more than a few bites.  Just when I thought I couldn't take much more someone said...we can't wait till XMAS when the WHOLE family will be here.  Right, I can hardly wait.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Thanks Karen!! Just what I need, more food. I'm trying to remind my body the austerity program needs to begin again. At least I know I could bring the doods.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

F, we would love to have you! My DD would be especially thrilled, and would probably come up with even more food!

 

[F, Calla & Luca]

I may have to give up tradition and come to your house, Karen. Your daughter's turkey beat mine for size by a hair and we were at least 24 people, some are vegetarians though : )

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Laurie, this blog makes me so happy that there were only four of us at our Thanksgiving table!

My DD puts out a spread that would rival anything you'll see on the Food Network. The girl put out "lunch" while she was cooking the turkey dinner; lunch consisted of stuffed portobello mushrooms (sausage stuffing, all from scratch), hot meatballs in a barbeque sauce, also from scratch, roast beef and cheddar wraps with lettuce and homemade balsamic onion marmalade, and a platter of raw veggies with - you guessed it - homemade spinach dip. This is while she's cooking the Thanksgiving turkey, potatoes, stufing, homemade cranberry sauce, rolls, brussel sprouts, green bean casserole, etc. for dinner. She cooked a 24 lb turkey for four people. I have no idea where she came from. 

Anyway, she was complaining all week that she wished we had more people coming. I'm going to show her this blog and tell her to count her blessings!

[Donna K & Quincy]

Laurie, I hope that cough was not the kind of giftt that keeps on giving and no one else gets sick. Love your mom she is so disconcertingly frank compassionate. I really think you should take up drinking wine, every thing looks so much rosier through the alcoholic haze. BTW, tell DD just because you didn't give birth to them doesn't make Fudge and Vern any less your kids. My son asked what I would be giving Quincy next after I had scoured his room for any type of ball Quincy might like, to which I replied " your room".

I also had company this past weekend and while I like to see them arrive, I also like to see them leave. :>)

I do enjoy having them but I miss the peace and quiet DK. I don't know why but they seem to think I'm addicted.

[F, Calla & Luca]

Laurie,I'd opt for the no longer existent kiddie table if I were you. Tell your sister it's for people who live with Fudge and Vern and F and V's grandmother. She needs some special dispensation for putting up with your blogs. Think how quickly the little platters can get passed around a table for four. Also, there's easy escape routes from such a small table. Our Thanksgiving was it's usual chaotic and excessive food fest but not nearly as funny as yours. We did have one sick 2 year old but she merely cried and grumbled. Tom Turkey, my yearly contribution looked so handsome after being carved by a dermatologist and his college age son. Tom had his legs crossed on the platter and looked rather insouciant for a dead carved bird. I've learned to avoid too much hoopla, worry about Tom spoiling, and dogs being alone too long, by arriving around 4pm. Some of the relatives living at a greater distance arrive early in the day. Five and a 1/2 hours of festivities with 80 tons of food and all those relatives is about my limit for happiness : )