Sleeping with the Enemy (aka Vern and/or Fudge) !!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

New Year’s Eve was hard on Vern.  For the first time ever, he was frightened of the surrounding fireworks and guns going off all around us.  I hate to be a party pooper, but when something comes between my sleep and me I think it should be outlawed and the offenders cast off the island.  I actually read in the news recently that a costumed nine-year-old girl was accidentally shot by a relative who mistakenly took her for a skunk.  Police said this man had not been drinking, which makes it all the harder to explain how he thought a skunk could ever grow to be the size of a nine-year-old girl.  There are too many stupid people with guns who shouldn’t be shooting anything in broad daylight let alone in the middle of the night after whooping it up on New Year’s Eve.   Most of the noise happened as the ball dropped, or in our town, a frozen chicken up at the local bar, and long after I had gone to bed.  John was nice enough to fill me in on the details when he walked into our bedroom at midnight and woke me up from my sound sleep by asking if I was asleep and telling me it was officially 2013.  I promptly told him I didn’t care, but there was still time to drop another couple of balls if he dared to come closer. Vern used the lull in conversation that followed to jump up on the bed and begin to pant and by panting, I mean the bed was moving as if I was in one of those hotels from the 60’s and had just put my quarter into the Magic Fingers to experience fifteen minutes of bed shaking fun.

Unfortunately, Vern’s panting was not the same fun as I remembered and only meant going back to sleep was out of the question, until we could get Vern calmed down.  Thankfully, our daughter emerged from her bedroom, probably to see why she heard her parents moving about at such a late hour and offered to sleep in the living room with Vern.  I have fallen for this ruse before and thought our prayers had been answered and someone else could deal with Vern’s insomnia and phobias, but I have come to learn the hard way that when she offers to sleep upstairs it simply means she is going to sleep upstairs, and sleep is the operative word.  While she sleeps peacefully in the living room, the dogs often tiptoe right by her probably thinking, “let’s let Hayley enjoy her sleep and we will go get mom up instead.”  We have found that the dogs could set up a racquetball court, invite a few friends over, and hit the ball all around her and she would still cop an attitude when I came around the corner screeching, “what is going on out here?”  All she ever says is,  “mom, why did you wake me up?  I am exhausted.”  On New Year’s Eve, however, after trying to get Vern to settle down for quite some time, we decided to trust her and ran to our bedroom screaming, “no taksies backsies!” before she could change her mind.  I did say to John once, “Do you think we should check on them? What if Vern gets scared and jumps on top of her and she can’t get out from under him or call for help?” All he said was, “She’ll be fine. Vern gets up every two hours. Let’s get some sleep.”

We all got through the night fairly uneventfully after the outside noises died down, but since New Year’s Eve, Vern gets jumpy if he hears any loud noise like gunshots. Since we seem to live in a big hunting area, we hear it frequently and have made a point of not reacting and continuing on with whatever we are doing.  He seems to be less fearful, but if he is out in the yard and someone shoots a gun off nearby, he bolts for the door and runs directly into our room and jumps on the bed.  He also wants to be in bed with us more and early one morning not long ago he jumped into bed with us, followed by Fudge who wasn’t going to be left out.  This is never good because Fudge is an expert at making herself larger than she really is and stretching out to her fullest potential and letting the other three occupants fight for the remaining space.  Our dogs are spoiled and we do a lot of crazy things for our dogs. The other night we were up at the park late to make sure they got their walk in and neither of us thought to bring a flashlight.  At one point, I walked right off the sidewalk and into a gully because I couldn’t see where I was going and another time I panicked and yelled to John that there were two huge things in front of me and he yelled back it was either my feet or those cement parking blocks. 

By far, the fact that we are willing to be uncomfortable in our own bed so our dogs sleep more comfortably and walk them at our peril proves my spoiling point perfectly.  The other morning when they both got in bed with us, there were parts of me hanging off the bed that should never go uncovered.  Fudge left me with approximately 4 inches down the left side of the bed for my allotted bed space and if I pulled with all my might I was able to get the sheet up as far as my waist.  The rest of the covers were tucked comfortably under Vern and her for added cushion. Luckily, the exertion of trying to hang on to my side of the bed and repeatedly drag myself back onto the bed before going over kept my body temperature up and the chills to a minimum.  John had his own problems on his side of the bed because as Vern stretched he would use any exposed area on John’s body as leverage.   At times our eyes would meet across the wide expanse of dog and I just knew he was thinking what I was thinking, “How much longer until you get up, so I can have some more room in this bed?”

Don’t bother offering solutions for us.  We are a lost cause.  Instead, when I come to you to vent, just say, “there, there, you poor girl, it’s going to get better.”  I much prefer that to, “you are an idiot and those dogs are taking full advantage of your kind nature.”  Meanwhile, every night I will continue to say my Hail Vern’s as penance (and forgive me, for I am not Catholic) for losing control, Hail Vern, Go to Sleep and stay asleep, we are here beside you, don’t make us in our dazed confusion misplace you at the local SPCA, please let us sleep, pray for us fools, now and in the wee hours of the night.

[DJ & Chance]

Chance is a little guy but he manages to take over most of my part of the bed. This morning when I woke up he was trying to possess my pillow. Earlier during our sleeping adventure he tugged my blanket off and then decided to stretch out in such a way as to leave no room for my legs!

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Laurie, the grass is always greener. Here, we have one fairly small woman alone in a king-sized bed and a fairly large doodle who will only deign to lie on said bed if he can have it all to himself. Nightly, I suffer the humiliation of getting into my own bed where JD has already made himself comfortable, only to have him turn and look at me over his shoulder for several seconds as if he is trying to place me ("I know I've seen her somewhere before") before deciding that he really prefers sleeping alone on the floor to sharing the bed with me. It's a real ego deflator, I assure you. I would much rather fight F & V for the covers any night than lie here alone feeling rejected by my own dog. There is no gun fire here, so I think Vern would like it, and there's plenty of room for Fudge, too. Let me know when you want to trade doodles for a few days!

[Doris, Knox & Flash]

Hey! Thought I'd respond so y'all would know I'm alive, lol! My DH and I are the newest members of this "lost cause" group with the addition of Flash to our family. He spread out across our bed on his second night with us and has taken ownership of space between the two of us. Knox never slept with us pre-Flash, but he now occupies a bottom corner. My best hour of sleep is after DH leaves for work when I can actually move a little. Oh, the things we do for our dogs....

[Charlotte and Bo]

The dogs take advantage of us all.  Some nights I also have to pry the covers out from under Bo.  I get kicked and serenaded by yips and growls when he is dreaming.  Usually he gets down to sleep on the floor or his own bed eventually, but when I wake up in the morning he is almost always back on the bed.  Bo is also afraid of the fireworks and such but he seems to calm down as long as he can be near me. No hunting around here.  Just the occasional idiot trying to shoot someone for whatever perceived offence in the "projects" behind my property. Luckily this is not a common event.

Bo like Vern has his issues but he is sweet and always looking for some cuddling when he winds down for the night.  If we could just get the rest of the world to let our dogs sleep then we could too:-)

 

 

[Bonnie and Kona]

Oh my gosh, F!!! The pinned butterfly scenario... yes, yes, yes, been there, too! OMD we love these dogs!

[Bonnie and Kona]

"There, there, you poor girl, it's never going to get better." With love and the laughter and freezing uncovered shoulders, your friend, bonnie

[F, Calla & Luca]

I had to chuckle at your attempts to pull the covers out from under a dog and almost falling off your allotted portion of bed. I go trough that often. I don't know what is worse, that scenario, or being pinned like a butterfly on a board under the covers, with a dog on each side weighing the covers down firmly. And suddenly you need some air on your body. And you realize you're crazy for letting it come to this. Oh my doodles.

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Ya' know, Vern just needs his cuddles.  He is saving up his 'braveness' for a REAL problem, like alerting to a skunk or 'Stoopid' invasion.