Sunday Musings

[Nicky, Riley & Boris]

'Don't Tell Dad'

 

Twenty seven years ago I had a Four year old daughter Jessica, a baby son Jordan, a husband and a German Shepherd Chris.  tragedy struck our family when my baby son died, suddenly and unexpectedly on my first day back to work.  Jordan was 15 and a half weeks old and in the care of a lovely French Au Pair for just over two hours when I returned home to find him in his pram, not breathing and lifeless.  He was still warm and my frantic drive home was the result of a panic attack I had when I felt there was something terribly wrong.  Our family life changed from that moment on.  My husband was away in London on business and had to be told by phone and make the long and lonely journey home in shock.  I felt overwhelming grief coupled with enormous guilt.  After all I was his mother and I had failed to keep my baby alive.  I wanted someone to come and accuse me of murder.  I would happily have been lead in chains to a prison.  Instead everyone from my wonderful Family Doctor to the Police, friends and family told me what a wonderful mother I was and how SIDS (Crib death) could not be prevented or indeed understood.  My breasts filled with milk for the baby who was no longer there and Jessica who was four years old at the time must have been in shock and bewildered too.  She shared my guilt coming to tell me that she had caused Jordan to die when she had made him cry. " I bounced the baby chair too hard Mummy" she said.  " I must have bounced it too hard and that's why he died".

I remember sitting at the kitchen table, Chris at my feet and Jessica age four sitting opposite.  The house was full of people, family and friends and it was after the funeral which is still a total blur all these years later.  Jessica said to me.  "Mummy, look into my eyes"  I looked up at her.  "Now" she said, 'I want you to copy me.  When I smile, you smile too and I will look after you".  I've never forgotten that conversation and it was pivotal to the arrival of Maltese Terrier, Rosie into our family.  I remembered years earlier seeing a little girl carrying a Maltese Terrier in a basket and stored the memory and started the search for a Maltese terrier puppy to ease Jessica's pain.  Chris was my saviour and that dog walked with me day and night.  I literally walked away the grief with a wonderful companion at my side.  I found a puppy.  She was the runt of the litter and so very tiny.  I knew that my husband would never agree to a second dog.  We were struggling financially and times were stressful indeed but I did know this was the right move and that once he saw Jessica with the dog he would give in.   

I kept the secret until a few days before I was due to collect the puppy and I did something rather risky.  I told Jessica who at four was an extraordinary child.  I told her not to tell Daddy that she was getting a new puppy and that this was a secret she mustn't at any cost share.  The day came.  Jessica was in her bedroom, Chris was in the back garden and I was in the kitchen.  I heard the window in Jessica's bedroom opening and heard her shouting down to Chris.  'Chris, Chris, you're getting a new friend today"!!!!  Luckily my husband was out front and didn't hear anything.  

Rosie and Jessica were inseparable for a further 18 years.  Truly a therapy dog who came into our home at a very difficult time and who helped a little girl deal with the loss of her baby brother.

[Pam and Ginger Snap]

This story rings a bell for me.  This past summer we lost own son.  Our younger son was upset and my husband felt the loss in the family.  In walks Ginger, a bouncing ball of fluff that was so easy to hold, pet and love.  She has helped us in so many ways.

 

Dogs can be little angels on earth!!

[Jennifer and Jack]

What an incredible story and testimony to the power of love,  It can come in all different forms, human, animal, God, whatever.. I am so grateful you had Rosie. My mom is getting a new puppy and she has decided on the name Rosie. I pray Rosie brings comfort and joy to my mom the way your Rosie did for your daughter.

 

 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Nicky, I am so sorry about the loss of your child. I cannot imagine anything worse. I am glad Rosie helped your family and Jessica when you needed it most.

[Gail+Kathleen,(Sydney+Olivia:)]

Nicky, we are so sorry to hear about your loss.  We could only imagine that your pain never goes away.  We are glad you joined Doodle Kisses and we can't wait to see you new puppy Doodle as soon as you bring him/her home!  We hope the love you get from your Doodle will help ease some of your pain.

[Dori & Rua]

Oh Nicky.  So sorry for the loss of your son...even after all of these years I can only imagine there are still so many "what ifs".  Your daughter Jessica was so wise beyond her years.  Rosie was sent to help both of you!  Thank you for opening your heart and sharing.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I'm so sorry that your life was touched by such a devastating tragedy.   Our dogs do have a way of helping us to move forward.

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

Tragic and touching rolled into one event...  We, ourselves, were nearly touched by SIDS.  On her third day of life, my daughter stopped breathing.  Fortunately, we were still in the hospital and she was whisked away immediately, revived, and suffered no lasting problems.  A day later we would have been home and the story would likely have had a much more tragic outcome.

[Jean, Rylee and Cooper]

I am so sorry for your loss and I too am sitting here with tears rolling down my face. Very touching.

[Kate]

Nicky, I'm sitting here with my cat in my lap and tears running down my face. I am so sorry for your loss and so glad that you have made it through. I cannot even begin to imagine... And what would we do without our cherished pets to help us through!? Thank you for sharing this heartbreaking, yet touching story.