The Chair Stealer Came Back!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

My mom was visiting for Thanksgiving.  She arrived on the Monday before Turkey Day.  I picked her up from the airport in my van and she hadn’t been in the car five minutes when she announced my van smelled like dog.  She didn’t say it in a nice way either like, “the smell is lovely inside your van.”  Nope, she screwed up her nose and went on to add, I guess for emphasis, that it smelled badly like pigs and she felt like she needed to take a bath. 

Since I couldn’t accommodate her with the bath at that moment, I hunted around for my hand lotion and told her to stick it put some on her hands and suck it smell it for awhile.  After that, she kept oohing and aahing that the lotion helped and she thought she could survive the trip home.  When I told her I had heard closing your mouth kept bad smells at bay, she must not have believed me because she kept on talking most of the way home.

 

Next, when we got home, before she even got out of my car, she said, “oh dear, now I have to be greeted by the horses.”  Pigs and horses….I was starting to sense a pattern.  Since my mom is now reluctantly using a walker and is a little more wobbly than previous visits, I had her sit down on our outside chair before I opened our front door and released Mr. Ed and Brown Beauty. 

Since my dogs did not know that Grandma had already been calling them names, they were thrilled to see her and obviously remembered her from previous visits.  I did have to stop the excited wrestling that ensued because I didn’t want Grandma to end up face down on our sidewalk and have her telling her lawyer at the hospital about two wild bulls that caused her accident and how she wants to sue the two jackasses who own the bulls.  

 

Once inside, we got my mom’s things settled in her room and Fudge and Vern went ahead and inspected her luggage for contraband.  Since Vern is taller than Fudge, he was able to get his snout into every nook and cranny of her luggage in the hopes of finding something to eat or steal.  Sometimes, both dogs sneak into her room and run out with her knee high panty hose and then I have to track them down and hope Grandma doesn’t ask later why her socks are damp.  She is too smart to believe the dogs had nothing to do with it, and I can just hear her saying, “this house has really gone to the dogs.”  She says that a lot when she looks around and sees the throws on the couches, the numerous dog beds out and about, and especially when they are both snoozing on my antique sofa in the foyer.  Usually I don’t say much, but sometimes I pretend I’m a ventriloquist and Fudge and Vern are my dummies and I say back, “gee Vern, let’s find a sock and see if we can get Grandma to catch it in her mouth,” and then Vern says something back like, “Fudge, make it a big sock!”  So far, it has not scared her enough to keep her opinions to herself.

We didn’t have too much trouble this time with the chair, although Vern did make a couple half-hearted attempts to paw her when she was sitting in his favorite chair.  She would look at me and ask what he was trying to tell her and I didn’t have the heart to tell her Vern probably gave her his paw because he didn’t have a finger.   No, this time Vern lucked out because she spent more time stealing John’s recliner chair every time he vacated it and then would innocently say, “Oh John, am I sitting in your chair?  Hold on, let me get up, it just hurts so much when I try to stand up,” when he came back into the room.  A couple of times I thought John would like to give her his paw, but she was always sipping her hot coffee and I guess he was afraid to take the chance.  If she did let John have his chair, she would make us move Vern’s dog bed away from her second choice chair so she wouldn’t trip.  Poor Vern.  He is like Monk when it comes to his stuff.  Moving his stuff is almost as bad as sitting in his chair.  It reminds me of my husband and his change.  He keeps various change jars on his dresser and if you take so much as one quarter out of any one of them, he knows the minute he gets home.  He is constantly accusing me of stealing his quarters and I am not saying if he is right or wrong, but since we are married isn’t his money my money? 

Anyway, it must be a guy thing because if Vern sees his bed has been moved one inch, he gets the same accusatory look in his eyes that John gets about his quarters.

It also just might be a girl thing that Fudge loves to walk by his bed and pull his blanket or bite the edge of his bed just because she can.

Fudge loved having my mom rub her and actually sat next to her chair frequently, but being Fudge, often sat just a hair’s breath out of reach so my mom had to lean forward in her chair.   Vern loved to roll on his Coolaroo bed right next to her chair and always ended upright with his hair on the top of his head sticking straight up.  A couple of times my mom said he looked unkempt after his roll finale and she kept telling Fudge to move closer. But, even an unkempt pig/horse Doodle and an ornery, not too close, cuddle hog Doodle can work their magic, because before she left, my mom said, “those two dogs have personality plus.”

[Sue, Murphy and Bella ()*o*()]

I know Laurie, 3 Long weeks, 21 whole days, 504 hours, 30,240 minutes, 1,814,400 seconds! I totally agree with the fish analogy too, except flying them from Florida to Az. Is such a major traumatic experience for them that they need to make the most of it. I offered to pay for a hotel for the whole time, but they just want to be where the action is, so they'd be here day and night anyway and the thought of them having to drive at night is scary. Heck, them driving during the daytime is scary! My dad "forgets" to stop at stop signs....... yes I'm sure it will all be funnier AFTER they leave too.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Ricki, LOL! Love the picture. I think Vern is bigger than both of those horses :) I think you are on to something.

Deanna, OMD...poor Seblona :) I don't know how anyone can't love a dog. I have been dippy about them since birth. LOL

Sue, THREE WEEKS. I will pray for you :) What is that old saying....fish and guests start to stink after 3 days. I have found more humor since the visit is over, but you are right, I don't want a last visit to go badly. Thankfully, my guests love my dogs. THREE WEEKS....OMD!!

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

Photo of Fudge and Vern aka "The Horses" sleeping in Thanksgiving morning...

Your blog just answered my question about why the family seems so much better at a distance...LOL!

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

Glad you all survived the visit and the "chair wars".  Even though my mom had a dog when she was a child WAY BACK WHEN, she's never been much of a dog person as an adult - and certainly not during my "formative" years.  When we first got Sedona, my parents tolerated her when we'd visit.  Shortly after my dad passed and we moved my mom closer, we were all at my daughter's for a 4th of July party.  Sedona kept pestering my mom - for pets, kisses, fetch, etc.  At one point, I heard my mom say to her (in a sweet, quiet voice), "Go away Seblona, I don't love you".  I'm not sure if that was my mom's stroke talking or if she really meant it!!     

[Sue, Murphy and Bella ()*o*()]

Thanks for another fun blog. Perfect timing as I am preparing for my parents 3WEEK visit in Dec! The same parents that HATE dogs. The same 2 that ask, at least 50 times a day, each, "Do those dogs sleep outside at night?"
I made a joke of sending mom "House Rules" for this visit and #1. Talk nice to the dogs, they understand what you are saying and it hurts their feelings, it's their home too. She said they will be nice to the dogs, if they don't get up in their faces, they hate that. Geez, keeping Bella away from a potential petter is like keeping her away from eating poop!
I am grooming them today so baths will be easier while they are here as they complain, at least 99 times a day that "These dogs stink". Although we sleep with them and can't smell a thing.....yes, maybe we are just used to the smell?
So I enjoy your blog so much as it hits home and reminds me to keep laughing and find humor in everything that happens during their stay, because they too are as old as Santa and I would never want our last visit with them to be thought of as "She thinks more about those dogs than she does US!"

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Bonnie, Thanks for agreeing with me that our dogs smell good...most of the time...LOL! I am glad to see I was missed. My company wore me out. I am still recovering, at least that is what I am telling John as to why I can't cook much :) Poor Owen...who doesn't appreciate a hard working member of the TSA?? LOL

F, Another reason our dogs should be happy they live in the USA!

Bonnie, I can't imagine being immune to our dog's charms.

Linda, Thank you! There would be no sitting down if both Jewel and Vern were around.

[Linda and Jewel]

ROTFL!! Great story!

Jewel is usually the chair stealer around here. Get up from your seat, come back and it will be gone. She gives you the look like "you left its mine!"

Several people have referred to Jewel as my horse. Never thought of introducing her a a new breed --Horse doodle.  LOL

[Bonnie and Kona]

Zenebe won't even touch the dogs, F. He daughter is 30 and kisses them! ;o)

[F, Calla & Luca]

That's interesting. I have a neighbor whose father visits from Turkey and dogs are "outsiders" there too. Yet he loves my two and often plays a sort of soccer with Luca.

[Bonnie and Kona]

OMD! I was getting worried. You seemed to be MIA for too long. I was just about to FB you to find out how the visit went and here it is... Phew! Glad to hear the visit went so well... You counted "personality plus" as a positive sign anyway. 

People refer to our doodles as horses too. What's up with that? I think they mean it in a regal way. 

I think the walker has improved your Mom's aim... now that she is going to John's big recliner instead of Vern's chair. 

Owen is cheering for Vern's luggage search. Owen thinks he is part of the Transportation Security Administration and required to inspect all baggage that enters the house. Our visitor from Ethiopia was not amused. Dogs are just for guarding property there and always relegated to the outside areas only. 

I don't understand the smell issue. I swear my dogs smell like Fritos and I'm stickin' to it. I bury my face in Kona's coat and inhale.