The Chair Stealer Came Back!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

My mom was visiting for Thanksgiving.  She arrived on the Monday before Turkey Day.  I picked her up from the airport in my van and she hadn’t been in the car five minutes when she announced my van smelled like dog.  She didn’t say it in a nice way either like, “the smell is lovely inside your van.”  Nope, she screwed up her nose and went on to add, I guess for emphasis, that it smelled badly like pigs and she felt like she needed to take a bath. 

Since I couldn’t accommodate her with the bath at that moment, I hunted around for my hand lotion and told her to stick it put some on her hands and suck it smell it for awhile.  After that, she kept oohing and aahing that the lotion helped and she thought she could survive the trip home.  When I told her I had heard closing your mouth kept bad smells at bay, she must not have believed me because she kept on talking most of the way home.

 

Next, when we got home, before she even got out of my car, she said, “oh dear, now I have to be greeted by the horses.”  Pigs and horses….I was starting to sense a pattern.  Since my mom is now reluctantly using a walker and is a little more wobbly than previous visits, I had her sit down on our outside chair before I opened our front door and released Mr. Ed and Brown Beauty. 

Since my dogs did not know that Grandma had already been calling them names, they were thrilled to see her and obviously remembered her from previous visits.  I did have to stop the excited wrestling that ensued because I didn’t want Grandma to end up face down on our sidewalk and have her telling her lawyer at the hospital about two wild bulls that caused her accident and how she wants to sue the two jackasses who own the bulls.  

 

Once inside, we got my mom’s things settled in her room and Fudge and Vern went ahead and inspected her luggage for contraband.  Since Vern is taller than Fudge, he was able to get his snout into every nook and cranny of her luggage in the hopes of finding something to eat or steal.  Sometimes, both dogs sneak into her room and run out with her knee high panty hose and then I have to track them down and hope Grandma doesn’t ask later why her socks are damp.  She is too smart to believe the dogs had nothing to do with it, and I can just hear her saying, “this house has really gone to the dogs.”  She says that a lot when she looks around and sees the throws on the couches, the numerous dog beds out and about, and especially when they are both snoozing on my antique sofa in the foyer.  Usually I don’t say much, but sometimes I pretend I’m a ventriloquist and Fudge and Vern are my dummies and I say back, “gee Vern, let’s find a sock and see if we can get Grandma to catch it in her mouth,” and then Vern says something back like, “Fudge, make it a big sock!”  So far, it has not scared her enough to keep her opinions to herself.

We didn’t have too much trouble this time with the chair, although Vern did make a couple half-hearted attempts to paw her when she was sitting in his favorite chair.  She would look at me and ask what he was trying to tell her and I didn’t have the heart to tell her Vern probably gave her his paw because he didn’t have a finger.   No, this time Vern lucked out because she spent more time stealing John’s recliner chair every time he vacated it and then would innocently say, “Oh John, am I sitting in your chair?  Hold on, let me get up, it just hurts so much when I try to stand up,” when he came back into the room.  A couple of times I thought John would like to give her his paw, but she was always sipping her hot coffee and I guess he was afraid to take the chance.  If she did let John have his chair, she would make us move Vern’s dog bed away from her second choice chair so she wouldn’t trip.  Poor Vern.  He is like Monk when it comes to his stuff.  Moving his stuff is almost as bad as sitting in his chair.  It reminds me of my husband and his change.  He keeps various change jars on his dresser and if you take so much as one quarter out of any one of them, he knows the minute he gets home.  He is constantly accusing me of stealing his quarters and I am not saying if he is right or wrong, but since we are married isn’t his money my money? 

Anyway, it must be a guy thing because if Vern sees his bed has been moved one inch, he gets the same accusatory look in his eyes that John gets about his quarters.

It also just might be a girl thing that Fudge loves to walk by his bed and pull his blanket or bite the edge of his bed just because she can.

Fudge loved having my mom rub her and actually sat next to her chair frequently, but being Fudge, often sat just a hair’s breath out of reach so my mom had to lean forward in her chair.   Vern loved to roll on his Coolaroo bed right next to her chair and always ended upright with his hair on the top of his head sticking straight up.  A couple of times my mom said he looked unkempt after his roll finale and she kept telling Fudge to move closer. But, even an unkempt pig/horse Doodle and an ornery, not too close, cuddle hog Doodle can work their magic, because before she left, my mom said, “those two dogs have personality plus.”

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jane, John is so much more patient than I am at all times. He even was willing to give up the front seat in the car, but he gets car sick in the back, and I put my foot down. My car smelled bad enough. LOL Vern was not afraid of the walker at all or her cane. You just never know with that Vern :)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Camilla, Now, if only the rest of us could do the same....LOL!!

Jane, Nope...no Bingo. My mom hates Bingo. We went once to our local hall and the caller was too slow for her liking :) LOL

Donna, LOL...I did have the dogs groomed, so the smell was kept to a minimum. I guess I should have detailed my car, too :) We did have some turkey, but I hate to say it, I don't like turkey!  I prefer those mashed potatoes.

Sheila, Thanks!! Grandma says she is not coming anymore. We will see, I guess. I am glad you laugh when you read these blogs. That is always nice to hear.

Thanks, Janie and BG!

Stephanie, Thank you for the nice comment :)

F, I don't smell anything in my car either, so our noses have just gotten used to the smell :) My mom was homesick on day one....our best visits should be kept to 3 or 4 days. She likes her routine and I guess I like mine :) I did make the reservations, but had her on the phone at the same time. LOL Longer visits should be to NJ, I think!

Sheri, I love your idea!! I will tell John...LOL!

Karen, ROTFL....pig/horse Doodle sounds right!! Tell JD welcome to the club :)

[Camilla and Darwin]

Aw, of courses they won her over in the end. :-)

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Wait - wasn't there any Bingo playing or anything?  I need more details!!!!

[Donna K & Quincy]

Gee Laurie, sounds like Thanksgiving at your house was a real barnyard, pigs, bulls, jackasses and horses, I sure hope there was some turkey too. I'm sure if you really start training hard now you could have Vern really flipping the bird by Chirstmas. Quincy is like Fudge, loves to be petted but is always just the right distance away to make it uncomfortable to do so. Your mother is no fool, she knows two good things when she smells sees them.

[Sheila & Finnley]

Oh Laurie, how I wish my kiddo's were around when I read your blogs. Often (when they are home) they get annoyed that I'm not rolling on the floor with laughter, at a movie or sitcom that they think is just hilarious. Of course, when I do finally laugh at something, then they know it REALLY must have been funny. That is why I'd like them to see me reading one of your Fudge and Vern stories, cause at those moments I can't not be ROTFL.

Is Grandma returning for a Christmas visit ? I sure hope so because the kids will be here then, and I want to share the antics of the two pig/horse doodles with them ! Loved the part about the knee hi stockings !

Hugs to Vern and Fudge !

[Janie, Jackson and Jilly]

Sounds like F and V won Grandma over! Glad it went well! Now on to Christmas!!

[BG and Gavin]

Glad everyone survived and Vern and Fudge won the day!

[Stephanie and Jellybean]

Thank you for posting this. I needed a laugh this morning and I have only been awake about 10 minutes...   Something about the paw versus middle finger Laurie.....thanks for the chuckle.  Who wouldn't/doesn't LOVE Fudge and Vern????

[F, Calla & Luca]

So glad the dog/human chair wars are over, let the human chair wars begin :-) It may not seem that way to you but your momhad an awfully short visit. Hmmm, I wonder who made the reservations. I don't think my car smells like dogs, maybe my nose has accomodated (or your dogs smell more :-) ).