The Darker Side of the DoodleKisses Calendar!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

 

Now that the dust has settled and the calendars have been ordered and placed on our walls or given as gifts to some lucky recipients, I think it is finally safe to talk about what went on in our household during this process.  Last year, I submitted one picture only of Fudge and after I read the rules this year, I am pretty sure it was not even in the right format. This year, I took it far more seriously and asked my daughter to help me.  I have worked with this daughter before on other projects and I knew what I was in for, but I really had no choice. She is a far better photographer than I am and I knew with the right threats she would work cheap. When I first told her the good news about the calendar and how much fun I thought it would be to work together, I had a bad feeling when she asked, “Do I have to help? You get too nutty when it involves Fudge and Vern.”  Once I told her that I bet the garage was not that cold in the winter and we could fix her up a space out there between the cars with a nice cot and a space heater and as long as dad warmed up the car with the garage door open there should be no problem, she jumped right on board and said she would be happy to photograph the dogs.

 

She started taking the photos and I helped by submitting them to the Photography group for some feedback and looking at the photos submitted by others. If was hard not to feel overwhelmed when I saw some of the great pictures that some of the other DK members were entering. I felt a little like Tonya Harding must have felt and thought about finding out where some of the members lived and getting hold of their fingers cameras until after the entry date. It was so hard to decide what kind of photos might catch Adina’s eye and even my husband got involved with the process. He seemed to be leaning toward actions shots and suggested the dogs and I go out on the kayak to the middle of the lake and have Hayley count to three and on three, I jump in the water so as not to show up in the picture. When I said, “Couldn’t Hayley just Photoshop me out of the picture?” he said he guessed that idea might work too. He also suggested he throw the ball over the top of my head and yell, “Hey, Fudge and Vern, get the ball,” and have Hayley get an airborne shot right before they landed on me.  When I asked him why that same shot wouldn’t work with him just throwing the ball up in the air without involving me, he said he thought his way might put a smile on the photographer’s face. Needless to say, I fired him as creative consultant.

 

Things got pretty tense around here. My daughter felt her fulltime job was more important than taking pictures of our dogs for a dog calendar. I kept telling her we were missing out on some of the best lighting of the day because of her stupid job and once I stood directly in front of her car before she left for work and yelled, “you are either with me or against me!” and she said if I didn’t move, her car tires were going to be against me too.  We survived, however, and finally submitted our photos and then we had to wait and wait. The waiting was the hardest part for me and when I didn’t hear anything, I started praying to be a gracious loser. When I told my husband that, he choked on his coffee and said there was always a first time for everything. I understood that Adina had just had a baby and was very, very busy, but at least little Blake wasn’t talking yet and saying things like, “Mom, get a grip. It is only a dog calendar.”  She had the option of putting the little guy in his crib for a nap, but the law seems to frown on locking a mouthy photographer in one of the dog crates for a little peace and quiet. Plus, unless I could hold her still long enough to gag her, she has a cell phone and could call for help.

 

The day I got the email from Adina that one of our pictures was selected I went a little berserk. I called my mom and husband and then the daughter that now lives in Oregon.  That daughter is trouble when it comes to my doodles and always lets me know that she prefers her pedigreed French Bulldogs, so I was not at all surprised by her reaction. The first thing she said when I told her was, “Great! What is the calendar called? Nuts with Mutts?” and then she started laughing.  It burns me when she starts her rhyming because I can never come up with anything for French Bulldogs and the one time I said, “well, your French has a stench,” she said, “good one, mom,” but in that sarcastic tone that really means just the opposite. I also thought about posting her comment and email address on DK so all the DK nuts addicts members could send her a cheery little email telling her she is an idiot, but that didn’t seem very motherly, so I just decided to place one of the calendars under the Christmas tree with her name on it.  

 

Next year, I will have an even better idea what kinds of pictures Adina likes. I looked through all the calendars and I have some great ideas for next year. From the Labradoodle cover shot and Diane’s great picture of Dakota, I can see now we are going to have to dip into my husband's retirement fund and buy ourselves a boat or I need to hang around at our local marina and try and pick up a fisherman with a boat. I have been married so long, I don’t know if I can even pick up someone, but I do think I can wear one of them down by sidling up to them and throwing out one liners until they ask me what it will take to get me to shut up.  I figure a few of these….”Hey, my bass is bigger than yours….Does this tackle box make my bass look big?.....last week I caught crabs here….I’ve noticed you really know how to bait a hook….should I call you a great Hooker or a Master Baiter?” and it is just a matter of time until Fudge and Vern are posed in front of their boat

 

I also noticed there were lots of beautiful dogs in some great scenic shots. This puts my dogs at a great disadvantage because it is just not that scenic where we live and unless Adina likes shots of dogs in cornfields, I’ve got nothing.  I suggested moving to someplace like Newfoundland, California, or Colorado, but my husband said it is too long of a commute to his job in Maryland, so the only other option I have is to Photoshop Fudge and Vern into some of those pictures and hopefully, by the time anyone figures it out, the calendars have been printed.

When I saw the picture of Mike and Cedar’s with Cedar and Mike’s son in the tree, I could have kicked myself because I had a tree picture too and I never thought to submit it. 

As soon as I saw that great picture, I turned to my daughter and said, “next year, you and Vern are getting in a tree,” and she said she wasn’t getting in a tree with a 90 pound dog and possibly getting hurt because her insane mother cared more about a dog calendar than she did her own daughter’s safety.  All I know is if I have to have my engineer husband design a pulley system to get Vern into our cherry tree and I have to stick a Coach purse up there too to lure my daughter into the tree with him, then so be it.  Fudge might be the better choice, but she needs to fade a little more to show up in our tree. Hmmn….note to self, check into hair coloring options for dogs and Coach purses for uncooperative daughter.

 

Also, I noticed there were some adorable shots of dogs in costumes and right off the top of my head; Kona in elf ears comes to mind.  Again, I let my photographer have a little too much leeway in selecting photos because I had one idea that I considered my Pièce de résistance, which was met with the most resistance. All I did was ask if anyone thought people would know that the dogs were supposed to be Blue Cheese if I dressed them in blue shirts and had them wear their big cheese head hats and Hayley said she was thinking about quitting and my husband said he thought people would question whether or not I should own a dog. FYI: photographers do not like to hear, “Are you getting cheesed off or is my idea too cheesy?” after they tell you they don’t want to take stupid cheese pictures for a dog calendar.  Oh well, there is always next year for that submission and I certainly have enough time to recruit another photographer.

The bottom line is I learned a lot this year and next year things will go more smoothly.  I also had it all put into perspective when my great niece was here in December and I showed her the DoodleKisses calendar.  I must not have heard what she was saying as we were paging through the calendar and when we were done, I said, “this calendar is for you to take home.” She was very polite as she handed it back to me and said, “Aunt Laurie, I said I want a dog, NOT a calendar!” She does have a point.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thank you, Linda. I am going to tell my daughters you said that...LOL!

[Linda, Webber and Seda]

Hysterically funny, Laurie.  I wish my mother had your sense of humor!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Sherri, I love that mug and you are hired :)

Lisa, Thank you!

Jane, One of the guys I played volleyball with was a fisherman and we always asked him if he was a Master Baiter. Who knew they sold shirts. Darn, that would have been a good gift :) I do think I saw it on a hat once..LOL!

Sharon, Thank you for your nice comment. I hope you didn't wet yourself :) LOL

Thanks, Nina!

F, Sometimes, my "assistants" were not all that helpful...LOL!! Next year, I think I am on my own. I do think if parents paid for a daughter to go to Photography school an exception to any rule should be made :) I like that you laughed at my gutter humor..LOL!! Now, stop trying to bribe Adina and let me babysit!! As to my humor, I think maybe I saw it long ago on a hat or something. That is the kind of stuff I retain.

Doris, I think Adina might luck out on this cruise and get lots of free babysitting. LOL

Carol, Thank you!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jane, I see we are in stiff competition to babysit for Adina's kids and now Deanna is trying to get us bumped. Fair is fair, Adina asked me first and I know she has read a few of my blogs and still she asked me, so she obviously thinks I am sane...LOL!!! The cruise is over a period of days, so surely we could each get one day and one Calendar month each.

Thanks, Kathy!

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

I'd be happy to help you photograph your doodles in exchange for a Coach purse. I will work on my tree climbing skills for next year. And i will not even make fun of you about your doodle obsession. So win-win.

I saw a mug today that said "I Like Big Mutts" on it. I think you get that for your daughter.

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

heheheheheheheh, you've done it again!

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

Laurie - I once bought my DH a tee-shirt while I was on a girls trip to Mexico.  From the Master Baiter store - a charter fishing company.  He loved that shirt but I only let him wear it at home!  Then in Key West - yup there was a store with Master Baiter tees, my daughters boy friend bought one - too funny!!!!!

[Sharon & Monty]

 "felt a little like Tonya Harding."  This alone brought me to tears and serious belly laughs.  OMG Laurie.  Who in the hell thinks of Tonya Harding as a reference, I nearly died choking on my wine..  But no, you didnt stop there, seriously thanks for your humor......Master Baiter......I think i wet myself.

[Nina, Phil, Harlow & Lacey]

Laurie, Thanks for the much needed laugh!  I just love reading your blogs.

[F, Calla & Luca]

As to Deanna, I have a better offer Adina. Leave the kids here in NJ so you can be wild on the cruise and I have 2 beautiful doodles.