The Garden of Eden!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I grew up in a suburban area and never saw much wildlife out and about in our neighborhood.  When we moved to our first house, also in Suburbia, I came home one night and couldn’t believe the number of frogs or toads (just to keep Pat off my back) lined up on the walkway leading to my house.  Not having much experience with frogs and what causes them to hop, I weighed all my options about how to best get into the safety of my house and eventually just made a run for it.  As time went on, the frogs never bothered me and I got used to them.  Once, we had a fox walking about while we waited to get out of our car and it seemed a bit off, so that was scary. A few times we spotted a turtle and there were some snake sightings.  I never saw a snake, but did have the kids run in the house a couple of times, whisper something to their dad, and watched as he followed along behind them.  When I asked what they were doing or where they were going, they would all answer with some vague response about showing their dad something and for me to stay put.  Part of me always knew that meant snake, but the other part of me, the part that wanted to pretend she lived in a world without things that scared her, was more than happy to stay inside and bury my head in the sand.  Our neighbor came out of her house once and threw her purse in the air when she looked down to see a snake and we all laughed at her husband’s instant replays, but secretly I was laughing only because it happened to her and not me.

 

I hear people say all the time, “it’s only a snake,” which for me, is like telling an arachnophobic it is only a spider.  Or try telling someone with stage fright to snap out of it and get up there and talk and see what happens.  Or my very favorite is, “that snake is more afraid of you than you are of it.”  Those people I would like to smack upside the head and yell directly into their ear at ear-splitting decibels, “you wanna bet?” It’s not that easy to get over deep seated fears and that is how I feel about snakes.  I don’t even remember any snakes when we were growing up, but I did go to Lutheran Parochial school and maybe all those years hearing about Adam and Eve and the apple-giving serpent affected me in more ways than intended.  I just know I hate them, yet we bought a house in the country, next to a cornfield.  The first time my young nephew came to visit, he said, “you know what a cornfield means, Aunt Laurie….corn snakes,” which was almost as bad as John saying something about the “children of the corn,” thinking he was being funny, until an argument ensued about people who say stupid things and the poor wives who married them.

 

I now have two Doodles who don’t care about silly fears and think walking at the park is great fun and exploring all kinds of areas is even more fun.  If there is a patch of tall grass, untouched weeds, or any place a snake could easily blend into, that will be the spot that Vern is driven to pull me into in order to do his business.  Fudge will back kick for 30 minutes to cover up the area where she went potty and often times, hit us with grass or mud as we stoop to pick up her mess until we tell her to stop, but Vern prefers to drag you into the most remote areas and let nature cover up his mess without all the back kicking.  All that would be fine, if I didn’t have to reach in and scoop the poop.  All I can say is I am hyper vigilant and before the other day, would have safely said I am on top of my game in the woods and ready for anything.  Now, I realize I was just living in a fairy tale and I can be easily distracted.

 

A couple of Fridays ago, I was walking my dogs at the park and noticed a couple of things.  First, there was a kayaker loading his kayak up onto his truck and next there was a young couple lying on the grass together in full view of the Oarhouse.  I watched the kayaker for a bit because he was in a white truck and since Fudge can be reactive to white trucks I wanted to give him time to leave before I approached.  I tried NOT to watch the couple, who obviously thought they were alone, which seemed odd, since they were on the grass very near to the road in broad daylight.  It made me mad, because they were right where I wanted to go with the dogs, but I felt funny about saying, “excuse me, do you mind if we step over you before you have sex?”  I finally gave up on the truck and figured he was never going to back out, so I continued to walk behind him and sure enough, as I passed him, he backed out and started honking at me.   I am not overly fond of being honked at and it could be because John likes to do it when I walk in front of the car to make me jump.  I usually let out a loud curse, which makes him happy. So, being honked at by a guy in a white truck while holding the leashes of two dogs could end badly for all, but instead of screaming, “what the honk do you want?” I plastered a confused look on my face and tossed my hands (not my trusty finger) in an upward fashion that clearly meant, “I don’t understand what you want. Why don’t you just roll down your window and tell me.”  This guy preferred to mime, rather than speak, and as he pointed ahead, I took my eyes off of his car and looked forward and there it was….a big, black snake within a few feet of me. Wouldn’t it have been easier to just tell me BEFORE I passed his car?

 

The part that gave me the willies all day after that was I thought I would never be caught unawares.  I am hyper vigilant on our walks and can often be heard spouting…man with dog just up ahead….groundhog running….biker on the left….jogger coming behind us….uh oh, Vern spies a Kleenex….turn right, too much goose poop. I am usually more focused on what’s around us than the conversation and have been known to reply, “This looks like a snake trail,” when John finishes telling me about his day.   The only thing that saved me from jumping into the lake that day was A) I would have had to jump over the lovebirds and my vertical jump is not all that high and B) I convinced myself the snake was dead because it wasn’t moving.  I was mad at myself for not having my camera, which I almost always have with me, so I could have some proof when I described the snake as an anaconda to friends and family.  I have one friend who never believes me when I tell her I just saw twenty wild turkeys in our cornfield or a woman walking a goat on the rail trail or a huge turtle in a parking lot.  She always accuses me of drinking Wild Turkey and needing new glasses, so it would have been nice to finally have some proof.  Well, imagine my surprise when I went back by in my car and the snake had moved and in such a way that I couldn’t even trick myself into believing that a large predatory bird had lifted the dead snake ten feet and then dropped it. Plus, the man and woman that had been cuddled up next to each other were now playing missionaries and although they seemed dressed, it was at least an R rated show.  I decided this was too much wild kingdom for me on a leisurely walk with dogs and opted to go home.  When I called my daughter later to relay all that I had seen that day, she said, “geesh mom, just where in the world do you walk?” and all I could think to say was, “the Garden of Eden?” It seemed like most of the main characters were in my park that day.

[Leslie and Halas]

This is why I should take my spear on all of our walks. It would be great protection against snakes and couples who are a little too P with their PDAs. Thanks for the laugh!

[Pat and Traveler]

Ha,ha...yes, I noticed that bit about frogs and toads.  :)   You have some interesting walks, Laurie!  Just never know what's going to happen when you grab the leashes and open that door.  I do feel for people who have those animal fears.  A woman I worked with was so afraid of spiders she couldn't walk down a hallway where somebody had seen one a long time before.  Why would a couple get all cuddly in such a public place??

Trav does that vigorous kicking after he goes potty.  He ends it with a little hop, and I always wait for that and always laugh.  Guess it doesn't take much to amuse me.  :) 

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I'm with you on the snakes, kid. In fact, I scrolled down the full length of this blog in my email notification version to be sure there were no photos before coming here to read it. A photo of a snake in a magazine usually causes me to jump and drop the magazine, to be retrieved later by some non-ophidiophobe. 

My DD is worse than I am, even though I tried so hard not to pass along my fear. Do you have any idea how often Sesame Street features a snake? Neither did I, until I had to sit there looking at them with a calm facial expression. And all for nothing, because my DD is so afraid of snakes that she once left my 2 yr old grandson standing in an aisle at Petsmart when she bolted out the front door hyperventilating; she had turned down an aisle at the exact same moment as a young woman who was wearing a live boa. 

On the other hand, I have no fear of missionaries at all and would love to have tried jumping over the two you spotted in the G.O.E. The broad jump was always my best event during track & field day in Jr. High.:)

I would tell you that you need to find a new place to walk F & V, but then you might not get this kind of great material for your blogs, and I need all the laughs I can get. :) 

[Jennifer & Truffle]

And all you needed to complete the picture would be the tree of knowledge, the apple and a couple of fig leaves. Very funny story! Thanks for sharing.