The Princess and the Pea!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

My dogs need to be groomed.  They have an appointment next week and if I thought my groomer had a drop box I would have left them there last night.   I leave my car at the mechanic’s the night before an appointment with a note stating what needs to be done, so why can’t my groomer be as accommodating.  I have thought about tying them up outside her grooming salon so she finds them in the morning with a note around their necks that reads, “Mom says we can’t come home until we are clean.” The problem with this idea is my groomer has a very long driveway and a bunch of animals along the way.  Most of them are goats, but she has a goat-protecting dog and a goat-protecting llama, so it is hard to sneak up on her.  I am not sure why she has all the protection surrounding her goats as personally, I never felt that a goat would be anyone’s first choice for a pet-kidnapping ring.   “We have your goat.  Please leave $50,000 in a tin can wrapped in cardboard at this address.  We have been running low on tin cans and cardboard since we stole your goat.”  Between the long driveway and the loud, barking announcements Fudge and Vern make as we come down that driveway, there is absolutely no hope for a cloak and dagger drop off.

Fudge is the worst because she prides herself on her clean appearance and preens herself like a cat.  The closer it gets to the needed grooming time the more she preens and she likes to do most of her primping on our bed.  Nothing spoils a TV show like having a large, chocolate dog sitting at the end of the bed directly in front of the TV and pulling the most minuscule pieces of a leaf or something out of her hair.  This morning she curled up beside me and rocked the both of us as she dug around in her hair for what turned out to be a little teeny tiny sprig of something she collected in the yard.  It was sheer luck that I was able to find the microscopic nothing in all that hair and cast it aside so she could go back to sleep.  Or should I say, back to raising her paw in the air to direct me to continue rubbing her stomach until she nodded off to sleep.  Yes, I have no doubt Princess Fudge would feel that pea under the mattress.

Now, Prince Vern is another matter entirely.  I really don’t think he would feel a boulder under his mattress. 

He is happiest when he has half the yard hanging off his body.  He has come back into the house from outside, on several occasions, with a slug riding shotgun on his back.  The slugs probably use Vern like bus transportation for a quicker way to move around.  I can just hear them out in the yard, “You can catch the yellow bus, never the brown bus, over by the tree rolling most mornings at 8:00 am and ride him over to the end of the yard where he rolls to let you off.”  Vern likes to lie down smack in the middle of our sticker bush and we have already had to remove one of our bushes when it ended up having fewer stickers on it than Vern did. 

Somehow, the Vern imprint in the middle of it bothered my husband and he did not care that it was Vern’s home base when he was outside, so to speak.  The groomer is going to take one look at him at his appointment and either say, “I quit,” or “I think we need to discuss a payment plan because this is going to cost you a fortune.”

 

Just so you know, Vern has had three baths and Fudge has had one since their last grooming appointment, which has not been all that long ago.  I have also contemplated biting the bullet and buying one of the Les Poochs brushes I keep hearing so much about and I did think about asking for it for Christmas.  The only trouble is Santa knows my track record with not using things I think I just have to have for my dogs. I did open my food dehydrator and removed it from the box and I actually looked at the directions.  Unfortunately, even though I swore to John that our dogs would never eat another store bought treat, I have yet to make anything for them in the dehydrator.  John calls it my big dust collector.  What was I thinking?  I hate to cook and dehydrating something now seems an awful lot like cooking to me.  Any recipe longer than 4 ingredients that uses words like blanch and julienne confuses me and for all I know, they could be talking about The Golden Girls.  So, I guess, with all that in mind, I should just forget about grooming the dogs myself and investing in any more tools I will probably never use.  After all, one of my dogs is very good about letting me know when I need to make the next grooming appointment.  Just like the princess, she gets grumpy and can't sleep. Meanwhile, the other dog is needed out in the yard for slug transportation.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Julie. My rooster is out front of our house with a Santa hat and bow tie on. I am thinking of stringing him with lights. I say go back and get his twin....LOL!! I also love to buy cooking stuff and HATE to cook. Go figure! LOL

[Julie, Izzie & Max]

I will have to admit that I have bought a lot of dog related items that I do not use.  I have several Les Poochs brushes that rarely get used.  I keep the doodles hair shorter so there is not too much brushing required and take them to the groomer.   I have maybe five cookbooks to make dog treats and dog food but have yet to make any.  I am glad to hear I am not the only one that does this.

Today as I was going to work, I saw a 4 or 5 foot metal rooster out in front of a store.  I immediately thought of your blog.  I almost turned around to go buy it. 

I always love your blogs.  You have a wonderful talent for creative writing.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Pat, Thank you for the laugh...you are a dingleberry rescuer.....do I have my facts straight?? LOL  Yesterday, on our walk Fudge stepped on an acorn or something and got it stuck in her paw. She slumped forward to alert me something was up and lifted her leg until I got it out. She had such a funny expression, it made me laugh. You are right about what we go through for these dogs.

Janie, Vern can have leaves hanging off his face and he never even acts like he notices. He once rolled in horse poop and had it all over his face and was as happy as could be :)  Vern goes way out of his way to get dirty....LOL!!  The groomer also has guinea hens, and those stupid birds drive me nuts. They walk right in front of the car all the way down that driveway. One of these days I am going to gun it....LOL!

Lisa, Give us the facts, ma'am :) LOL

Jane, You are welcome to visit anytime. We can check out the groomer's shop and the local Bingo hall :) LOL  Yes, she has teeth, but many of the people up at Bingo do not :) Once you go, you will never be able to forget the experience.

Sheila, Thank you! Yes, my dogs keep me busy and writing. You sound like my oldest daughter....she is terrified of spiders :)

[Sheila & Finnley]

P.S. Laurie, I'd take a slug coming in on Vern's fur over a big garden spider any day !! :)

[Sheila & Finnley]

Loved  this Blog, it was hysterical ! You are the Mistress of Doodle stories, and it seems that your two stars  always give you plenty to write about.

You know, I can actually envision that trip to the groomer's. There were two that I used to go  to with my last dog. They both lived at the end of long driveways, with similar other pets that greeted along the way in. No goats though !! Maybe it's a groomer thing ?

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Oh Laurie, this is so stinkin funny!  First of all, I'm wondering about where you live....goat protecting dogs and lamas.  We have none of that kind of action around here.  Just wondering....does your groomer have teeth?  Sorry but I'm getting an "image" and I'm having trouble getting rid of it.

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

I was just going to write about Daisy's latest grooming experience, it won't be funny just factual!

Love this!

[Janie, Jackson and Jilly]

I was so surprised that Fudge picks out all the little sticks and leaves! I guess I've got more of a Vern! Jack is a snuggler and while he almost takes over my lap, I go through his hair and start picking, making a nice little pile of outdoor goodies! He doesn't really go out of his way to get dirty, but the longer his hair gets, the more velcro it seems to be!

I love that your groomer has goats and a llama?! I can tell your two must have different thoughts on going there!

[Pat and Traveler]

Love this blog, Laurie!  I'd really like to see the groomer's place--it sounds a lot more interesting than most grooming shops!  Sad that Vern can't have his sticker bush, but he's such a good slug bus!  :)  And the princess must be a real hoot when she wants to get rid of those tiny bits of badness.

Trav absolutely hates getting any dingleberry or potty stuff stuck on his rear.  He just lies down right where he first notices this attachment, and waits for rescue.  Sometimes he has to use his special 'help..junk on the butt' bark to get my attention--a bark I actually recognize--and then I spring into action with cleanser towels and scissors.  Strange the rituals we develop with these dogs...LOL

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Jean.  So far, I haven't caught Fudge picking things off Vern. I think it is just too overwhelming for her :)