The Real Dirt About the First Doodle Cruise!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

In another life, I think I was probably a reporter, so I took notes on the Doodle Cruise so I could report back the facts to all those unable to attend the First Annual Doodle Cruise starring Fudge and Vern.  I uncovered some things we never knew about our DK members and luckily I was not sworn to secrecy.  I urge you to remember drinks were flowing freely.  I would also like to note it has taken me an entire week to blog because I knew it was important to say everything correctly (lawsuits) and I have a lot to say, but I want to say it right, so I have been thinking long and hard and please no comments that most of my blogs don’t seem to take much thought.  This is a long one, folks!

 

Let’s talk first about our fearless leader, Jane of Jane, Rooney, and Stuart.  Jane is a take charge individual and had everything under control and thought to bring everything we might need.  She reminded me of one of those traveling salesman who opens his suit jacket and inside are pockets galore displaying all of his wares.  She had sunburn stuff, liquor, tape, liquor, markers, liquor, Band-Aids, liquor, Tylenol, liquor, memo boards and post its, and liquor.

I can only imagine her walking her dogs in alligator and wild pig country lassoing a wayward pig or wrestling a gator into submission while simultaneously sipping her morning coffee.  I know she is strong because I saw her wrestle the microphone from the Piano man in the Piano bar to announce to the audience that you could order banana splits off the kid’s menu in the dining room.  One minute he was singing Remember Me and the next minute he was scratching his head and living the song. She also knew where everything on the ship was and for a couple of first time cruisers like John and me that came in very handy.  I will admit, though, that the first time she told us to go aft, we thought she said daft and until we cleared that up, John and I were walking around telling each other knock knock jokes. 

 

Dori of Dori and Rua was somehow, exactly like I imagined.  Dori was such a nice person, very amicable, and got along great with everybody.  Dori was our DK recruiter on the cruise.   When we met a young couple in the Piano bar who had two Doodles, Dori was all over them like white on rice.  In a matter of moments, she knew more about them than they knew about each other and had all of their relevant information written down on her cocktail napkin before they could say, “We are on our honeymoon.  Who are these crazy Doodle people and how do we lose them?”  Dori roomed with Jane and I am not sure how much sleep she got.  Jane had them up early one morning on our Half Moon Cay day to make sure they were the first ones over to the island for their cabana rental.  I can’t be certain, but I know they were in line long before the boats were leaving our ship to get us over there and those of us not in as big of hurry would not have been surprised to look out our window and see Dori and Jane bobbing along in the blue water with their life jackets on and umbrella drinks in hand to beat the crowd.  Dori, in case those drinks Jane mixed up for you made you forgetful, John and I were the smokin’ hot couple who won the door contest.

Jane, Dave, and Tim of Jane, Guinness, and Murphy stayed in the room right next to us and we ate dinner with them every night.  The minute Jane walked into the lobby at the La I am Scared for My Life hotel, I knew it was Jane.  I yelled, “Jane,” and she yelled, “Laurie.”  I would have known her anywhere.  She is one of my DK heroes and she did not disappoint.  The only thing I thought was odd was she immediately put John and me into a down stay whenever we walked into a room.  She also showed me a couple of corrections to try on John when he got out of line, which I plan to make good use of on the next cruise.  I loved Jane and Dave as a couple and as parents. No dirt on these two except Dave has wild taste in bathing suits and seemed to have to match his drink cup colors to his bathing trunks.  At Grand Turk, I swear I heard him tell the bartender, “What drink do you have that matches my bright pink shorts?” and I think the bartender said, “Hold on. I think I have some Pepto Bismol in the back.” 

I loved Tim, but he was a bit of an instigator with my John.  I don’t like to blame Tim for John’s out of control behavior, because we are all responsible for our own actions, but it was all Tim’s fault.   On more than one occasion I overheard Tim tell John to do a cannonball in the 4-foot deep pool and to wrestle with his Dad.  I also think John only danced with the waitress in order to protect Tim from her flirty ways and in his own way was trying to mentor Tim.  There could be no other reason, in my mind, that John shouted out to Tim, “that’s how it is done, Tim,” when the dance was over.  I can’t explain all the fist bumping the two did, but I am sure it had something to do with testosterone and women performing in skimpy outfits.

Ann and Bill of Ann, Oliver, and Rosie seemed like wonderful people at first glance. I really thought we were going to be good friends right up until they hung the Fudge and Vern magnet upside down on their room door and wrote, “sorry, Fudge and Vern,” on the masking tape they had the audacity to borrow from me.  They weren’t embarrassed either and went so far as to ask for more tape. At the photo shoot with all of us wearing the Fudge and Vern shirts, they showed up with their dog’s photos taped over my dog’s faces and big, goofy grins on their own faces.

Later, Ann wrote me that she found the perfect place for the Fudge and Vern magnet….on their trash compactor. 

WTD!  I wasn’t born yesterday and in all my years, I have yet to hear someone else say, “We just had our new family portrait done.  Go take a look.  It is hanging in a place of honor on our trash compactor.” I will say Bill impressed all of us at the Grease sing-a-long.  He knew every single word of the movie and was not ashamed to admit it, although we did ask him to sit in the row behind us.  The only other thing I would like to say about Ann and Bill is they seemed desperate to get on the cover of Journeys magazine and were constantly walking around holding up the magazine and asking people to take their picture.  I am sure Fudge and Vern and their article in Pontoon and Deck Boat Magazine were their inspiration.

Doris of Doris and Knox and her fun friend, Brenda of Brenda Stone, were wonderful.  Gorgeous inside and out.

Doris is just the sweetest person in the world and if I had not played her in Words with Friends, I would not know there is another side to her.  The thing is Doris has the cutest voice and with so many of her sentences peppered with y’alls, a lesser detective than me could miss the competitive nature that lies under that adorable exterior. I have actually had her say to me in WWF when I told her I had the worst letters imaginable, “I wish I could feel sorry for y’all, but I don’t.”  When she found out I won beautiful collars and leashes for winning the door contest, she was green with envy and sat right there while I was choosing my bounty and said, “why does she get to pick two collars and two leashes, y’all?”  Oh my goodness, I had on the tip of my tongue to say, “put a sock in it, y’all.”  Brenda was a hoot.  She insisted on being called Brendalicious and it made me smile every time I heard someone say it to her. At one point, in the piano bar she told us she OWNED our corner and we were all glad to see her come out of her shell.

 

Deanna and Kathy of Deanna and Sedona were by far the most adventuresome of the group.  While the rest of us were content to float in blue water, they were off riding horses or exploring their surroundings. 

We found out the first day Kathy was an Indiana University graduate and since John and Amy are both graduates of Purdue University and these two are big rivals, it could have been a dicey situation.  Luckily, Kathy seemed to accept the fact that she was outnumbered and Purdue University was the better university AND we really liked her.

(Vern wearing his favorite shirt)

Oh boy, them’s fighting words to a Hoosier.  Sorry, Kathy.  I don't know what came over me. Deanna was a joy and I enjoyed spending time with both of them at dinner, however, now that I think about it, whenever I said what we were doing for the day, they always told me they were already busy. 

 

I had no idea what to expect of Clark and Adina of ClarkP and AdinaP, Rosco, and Boca.  I knew little about Clark other than his mysterious profile picture and rare comments.  Adina is always very diplomatic on DK and seems very knowledgeable about all subject matters.  You could tell they had not been married as long as the rest of us, because when Clark put his arm around Adina and held her close she did not say, “ I hope that is only a monkey head drink in your pants I am feeling, John Clark.”

She also seemed happy to let Clark be his own man and nowhere was that more evident than when Deanna reported back to us that she had seen Clark in a Speedo on the beach.

(No actual photos..this is a reenactment only.)

They walked a fine line, too, because of the Doodle Calendar.  Most of us had submitted pictures, but we knew it was not the time or place to bring it up and Adina and Clark were too honest to take bribes.  Well, almost all of us, except Doris, who kept sidling up beside them and whispering, “pick Knox, y’all.”  I just hate when someone shamelessly tries to promote her dogs.

Amy of Amy, Cubbie, and Ollie was very jealous of our suite.  She all but asked us if she could room with us and found several excuses to come down and visit.  Once, for introductions and another time, to pretend she did not want the Fudge and Vern magnet I had placed on her door.  She later told me how much she loved that magnet.  I believe her exact words were, “I can always use it to put a drink on or stuff it under a leg of an uneven table.”  Wait, that might have been Bill of Bill and Ann who said that one, but I bet Amy thought it, too. Amy brought her dad, John, and he had been on many cruises and I think hopped off one boat to hop on ours and was hopping on another shortly after our cruise.  I hate to admit that Amy was young enough to be my younger sister and like most younger sisters do, seemed to really look up to me to the point of adulation.  She was so subtle about it, that I am sure not many people noticed.

I tried to take her under my wing like a good big sister and I think it was very nice she chose her dad to bring along on our first Doodle cruise.  Amy and her dad and John and I were content to let Tim be our cruise director and we all could be found most nights enjoying the entertainment that Tim had picked for us to attend.  I loved her sense of humor and hope we cruise again together and this time she stays in her own room.

 

Eva of Eva and her husband, Brian, were the mystery guests as far as I was concerned.  I kept asking what were her dog’s names and asked everyone when we first boarded the boat if they had met Eva.  Eventually she turned up and told me her dogs are Willow and Malibu and we spent one evening looking at her pictures of her adorable dogs.  I tried to show her pictures of Fudge and Vern, but she kept saying, “not now, here is another one of Willow and Malibu.”  I did not get to spend much time with Eva and Brian because they ate at the late dinner and Eva used the gym, which I avoided at all costs.  The one night she asked me to go with her to the gym, I had to decline because it was too close to our dinner hour.  I also liked her because even though she wanted to take pictures of all the ladies feet with their painted nails and fancy shoes, she did not scream, “clown feet,” when I stuck in my size 12 gym shoe.

Eva, next cruise, we have to eat one dinner together and I will allow you to take a picture of my feet uncovered, just maybe for the sake of your health and the other passengers, not at the same time.

 

All kidding aside, I really feel like this was the opportunity of a lifetime.  I was able to put faces and personalities with DK names and what a great bunch of people.  Tim, especially, made every day better than the last and said some of the sweetest things to all of us and melted our hearts daily.  Occasionally, he did point to me and say, "sit way down there and John will sit beside me," and once, "why don't you go pack and leave John here with me," when I said we had to pack that night, but honestly how could I compete with all of John's dance moves?  I can't do the John Travolta point in the air move or the bump and grind quite like my husband.  He had moves I had never seen before on this cruise and some that I hope go back in the vault until the next one.  Even another woman from another table was drawn to his hips one night and came at him saying, "don't hurt me, Poppa," before they launched into the bump. Tim's a dancer and so is John.

Half Moon Cay was my favorite day and as we all stood around in the beautiful water or floated on our rafts, Tim looked over at his mom and said, “This is the best vacation ever. Thank you for everything.”  I think he summed up what we all had been thinking. His unbridled enthusiasm and sweetness were infectious and he can be our cruise director anytime.  On our last day, I knew exactly how Dorothy felt when she said her goodbyes in Oz and told the Scarecrow, “I think I will miss you most of all.”

 

Unfortunately, it had to end and the only bad part besides saying goodbyes to dear friends was I got a terrible sunburn.  My back hurt so badly, I told John I might not be able to wear a bra home and if airport security patted me down and I screamed not to be alarmed.  He said he would only be worried if the security guy screamed.  I am now in unpacking hell, but it was so worth it and I can’t wait for the next one.

 

[Anna and Achilles]

WoW! how I wish I could have been there to meet you all in person. Sounds like a good time was had by all.

[Doris, Knox & Flash]

Laurie, I think you did an excellent job with this blog! Honestly, I was so glad to get home so I coould be MYSELF!!I knew you were going to be taking notes the entire time so I tried to be as good as possible. Let me tell you, the performance was exhausting!!! Look out on the 2013 cruise -- I'm not going to hold anything back!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Joanne, Yes, John was looking for oars the entire cruise :) Someone spill the dirt for Joanne. I tried, but failed. LOL

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Land Ho. Did John look for the oars? This is too tame. Looking at this for days hoping someone had real dirt. I guess you are all safe.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Donna, I think your notes are perfect. You now know all you need to about having fun on a Doodle Cruise. I need to get on the ball and figure out my poster for next year. It seems some others are gunning for me :) I would love to cruise with you, but I don't need an adorable Quincy poster as competition. LOL

[Donna K & Quincy]

Laurie, I do love this blog and like I said before, I am just a tad jealous that I wasn't there. I think your poster was a hoot and it just cracks me up looking at it. I've been taking notes as well and I've learned that if we should decide to cruise, I need to learn the words to Grease, get DH some really funky swimwear, learn how to drink in the day time ( without gettting tipsy), dust up on doing the bump while trying not to break a hip. :>)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Ann, Ok, now I feel better :) I guess I did not realize how you display valuable photo magnets at your house...LOL!! I hope it is at least not upside down. I am so glad David loves his t-shirts. I told you I could outfit the whole family :) I need to send you the Journeys picture, so you and Bill can end up on the cover. How cool would that be? I don't think we will ever watch Grease again without thinking about Bill and Tim singing along. I REALLY hope we cruise together again.

[Ann ~Oliver & Rosie]

Laurie, I could barely contain my laughter as I tried to read your blog to Bill:) I'll have you know, having Fudge and Vern on my trash compactor IS an honor in my house. I "don't do" refrigerator magnets as a general rule . And they are STILL being proudly displayed! My son David loves the tee shirts, although he just tells his friends it's Oliver & Rosie :)

As for the "Journeys" magazine, that was all Bills idea. But YOU are an inspiration too.

We'll always smile and remember you & John when ever we watch Grease and Bill breaks out in song!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, BG. I hear Nicky is looking for a roommate. We would love to meet you!!

Adina, I don't want to get on your bad side. I am not a "kiss up" like Doris...LOL!! I would have had more dirt if you would have eaten with the early group. I think we missed all the good stuff. I promise after the 2014 cruise, you are going to look like a total bad a$$ and I will get a picture of Clark in that Speedo, if it is the last thing I do. I put the photo in of you in the F & V t-shirts to make all the other DK'ers jealous. I am so happy to hear Clark is wearing it to bed, but I really need him to start looking at F & V calendar pictures, too :)

Dori, I was boring compared to the rest of you :) My sunburn on my back is still peeling and itching. John is calling me snake woman. The least your sister could do is bring you coffee in bed...LOL!! Can't wait for the next cruise.

[BG and Gavin]

Laurie, you had me laughing at your account of Jane putting you in a down stay and crying at your Wizard of Oz reference.  Thanks for the peak :)