The Things We Do For Our Dogs, Including Not Yelling During a Football Game!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

The other night the dogs and I were in bed watching Criminal Minds and flipping channels to catch what we could of Modern Family.   I was also playing WWF and doing my normal computer stuff while watching television.  At some point, Vern got up and I had to stop what I was doing to rub him until he fell back asleep.  In the middle of all this, my husband walked into our bedroom and was ready to come to bed.  He took one look at Vern sprawled out in his spot with his head on John’s pillow and Fudge hogging the bottom half of the bed and mumbled something about coming back later.  I had too much in my lap to chase him down, but I did yell for him to come back and we would make room for him.  After all, he is the king of the castle.  Surprisingly, he didn’t come back until I wore him down by periodically calling out to him, “John, come back to bed.  I mean it!”  I felt a little like Mrs. Roper harassing her Stanley. 

 

When he came back to bed finally, he stood there for a minute and shook his head and I told him to climb into bed on my side.  I knew I had to make a choice at that moment between my husband and my computer, so I only asked him once how he felt about juggling one half of my computer and operating the left side of the keyboard while I operated the right side.  I added that we could hold hands then since we would each have one hand free.  I was pleased with this solution because I pride myself on my multitasking abilities, yet I know how important it is to keep the romance alive in your marriage.  Unfortunately, John had something different in mind for both of his hands, which meant when he turned on his Kindle; I was forced to shut my computer off.  Besides at that point, Vern kept repeatedly stretching his paw out over my chest and it was necessary to either hold his paw or be prepared to take our relationship in a whole new direction. 

 

This isn’t the first time my husband’s bedtime has been delayed because of Fudge and Vern.  Both dogs have proven on more than one occasion that they are the “Human Whisperers,” when it comes to my husband, although in fairness, they have my number, too.  Fudge used to come to bed with me almost every night, but since Vern has decided that is the place to be now that it is colder, she sometimes decides the living room couch has far more room to stretch out on without Vern in the way.  I think she also figured out without Vern there might be a chance for some one-on-one attention from someone she loves in the living room.  It seems to be working for her and I am starting to worry that Fudge is using mental telepathy to get John to do her bidding, because he keeps coming to bed late and blaming it on Fudge.  He will say, “Do you know what Fudge made me do tonight?  I had to cuddle on the couch with her until she fell asleep.”  Vern seems to prefer to manhandle him, because he sometimes says, “Do you know what Vern had me do tonight?  He pawed me until I laid down on the floor beside his dog bed and made me rub him until he fell asleep.”   For some reason this does not shock me or make me say, “you do know Vern and Fudge are dogs and you are an engineer, right?” 

Who could say no to these faces??

I can sympathize because just this morning I fell prey to Fudge’s wily ways when she came back to bed with me and cuddled right up to me, only to start that infernal scratching.  Sure enough, as soon as I put a hand on her and started rubbing, the scratching stopped.  Fudge is that good.  Yesterday, I decided to play hardball with her.  My bathroom time seems to be when she decides she needs someone to lift her up onto our bed.  It is unnerving to be getting into the shower or worse and see her standing there with her two front paws on the bed and looking at me like, “a little help, please.”  Well, yesterday I shut the bathroom door and informed her if she needed help to go tell her daddy.  When I opened the door up a bit later, she was still standing there with those two front paws on the bed and looking at me like, “what took you so long?” and I found myself apologizing to Fudge as I helped her onto the bed.  Note to self: ask the training group if I handled that situation correctly.

 

So, while I can sympathize, I am still surprised by a man who can ignore entire conversations happening right before him, but seems so in tune with what two dogs are thinking.  It isn’t that he doesn’t care about his surroundings or the people who he lives with, but after a stressful day at work he needs to unwind and I swear Lazy Boy added some kind of calming drug into the fabric of his chair that gets absorbed whenever he sits down.  I have no doubt if I walked into the living room stark naked holding lit firecrackers IF he even glanced up from his Kindle all he would probably say is, “blow those firecrackers out before that old dress you are wearing catches on fire.”  Poor Hayley comes up from her bedroom to see what is going on and he acts as if a dangerous intruder has just breached the security of our house and he is negotiating for his life.  Why are you here? What do you want?  All I have to offer you are some Swedish Fish and part of a Gatorade.  The person you want is in the bedroom.  Please leave me in peace.  Yet, somehow, two dogs have the power to move him out of that chair and onto the couch or floor at their demand.  I wish I knew their secret.  I tried the mental telepathy thing to no avail… Empty the dishwasher!  Take the trash out!  Turn off a light!  Stop covering your ears when I am talking to you…and it doesn’t work for me. 

 

The morning after the Ravens/Patriots game I was telling my mother that John made the mistake of yelling very loudly about some play and scared the dickens out of Fudge.  Fudge came into the bedroom with me and wanted up on the bed.  I told my mom I yelled out to John that he was scaring Fudge and she immediately said, “Did he tell you he can yell if he wants to and give you the foam finger?” 

Since she tells me all the time we have a screw loose when it comes to our dogs, I really hated to tell her that he came back and gave Fudge a hug and told her he was sorry he yelled and would try and control himself for the rest of the game and he did.  No, these dogs have our numbers and know just how to play us and if you want to tell us a sucker is born every minute or call us Mr. and Mrs. Stradivarius, go right ahead, because it wouldn’t be the first time and we suspect it won’t be the last.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Wow, Laurie, you are going to have a lot of doodles heading to your house! JD says he would love to join them, but being boosted onto the bed and having someone rub you whenever you want them to would not make up for having to wear a pink wig or a monkey costume, so he is going to stay naked and neglected here in Illinois.

Seriously, any man who can be wrapped around a doodle paw is worth having and holding! You are a lucky woman and F & V are very lucky doodles!

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Fudge and Vern definitely do have your number.  Ned and Clancy are saving up for a train ticket to live visit. Ned says one thing he is good at is teaching independence.  While he is impressed with Fudge looking sad with her front paws on the bed, he thinks he should teach her to jump on it.  Being able to jump well has tremendous advantages he says - like jumping onto the counters for bread or hot dog buns, or retrieving the Nylabone his humans took away from him or Clancy. Both he and Clancy are all for getting extra tips on  bellyrub begging and humans putting them to sleep.  And the yelling during a TV watching event is somthing they hate.  They want to live visit where the humans are more considerate of their sensitive ears.

[F, Calla & Luca]

My two may move in with you also. Of course I say that because only Luca is on the bed, far from me at the moment. So the newspapers, laptop and tablet are not a problem at the moment. It's a different story towards morning when they have me "pinned" and I don't want to disturb them. But eventually I do.

[Camilla and Darwin]

Fudge and Vern are smart dogs to have this all figured out. Also Darwin says that I am a difficult to train human and he'd rather live with you guys. :-)