The Unmovable Fudge and a Broken Bed!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Our bed broke last night, which might not seem like that big of a deal, unless I tell you it was the middle of the night, we were sound asleep, when John’s side ended up on the floor.  I can tell you, from firsthand experience now, that having your bed make a loud noise and crash works better than any snooze alarm I have ever had in waking a person up.  The thing is the bed has been telling us something was wrong for quite some time, but since John’s motto has always been, “let’s pretend everything is fine until it isn’t,” it got ignored.  We have a great bed. It is comfortable, big, and does not squeak.  That may not seem that important unless you started out in your grandma’s old bed which made so much noise as you tossed and turned that I am sure anyone nearby thought John and I were a couple of sex starved teenagers with the mating habits of rabbits.  Well, recently our great bed has started to squeak. It squeaked when you got in it, it squeaked when you rolled over, it squeaked a lot, but the only thing that happened was occasionally John would say, “I ought to try and figure out what is going on with our bed,” and that was that.  Now, if he wants to take a look under our bed, he is going to have to hoist his side up.

 

The thing is over the years I have tried to stop nagging about some things that don’t get done.  Our guest bathroom door does not lock.  I can’t tell you how many times my friend, Rose, has tried to use the bathroom only to have Fudge and Vern barge in to see if she is giving out any hugs while doing her business. I now keep a heavy Santa door stopper in there and advise all guests to use it unless they don’t mind having the door opened by two noisy canines.  Last week our lights were so dim in the kitchen that I finally asked John to stop off at a medical store and see if he could get me a white cane so I could navigate my way around the stove and refrigerator.  It isn’t that I cannot change a light bulb, but the kitchen lights involve a ladder, special bulbs that I can never find in our house, and sometimes, I just feel like making a point.  He has known about the bed for quite some time because he has commented from time to time that something is wrong and he has heard me say to Hayley stuff like “just remember if the bed is squeaking, don’t come peeking….if grandpa gets cheeky, our bed gets creaky……oh goodness, all this squeaky makes old folks leaky ” and you get the idea.  Sometimes, the best part of my day is hearing Sister Mary Hayley tell me I am disgusting.  What can I say?  There has to be some perks to having adult children live at home.  

 

The other thing that has been happening at our house this past week is I decided to go through all of my clothes.  Sometimes I get these big ideas that I live to regret and I have been in the middle of “how did all these clothes shrink?” hell since Monday.  The whole process has convinced Fudge I am packing for a trip and she has been uncharacteristically clingy to me at night.  Normally she sleeps at John’s feet and he will sometimes complain that his feet were off the bed most of the night, but since I slept fine, I usually smile and say something like, “that’s too bad,” when what I really mean is, “better you than me.”  Well, this week, I have felt like a rock and Fudge is the barnacle attached to me. Several times I have gotten up because I couldn’t take it anymore and gone in the other room when pushing her off of me failed to work.  Fudge is only fifty pounds, but for some reason her size seems to triple when she is asleep and she has the ability to dig her body into the bed until she proves unmovable.  Then there is the stupid part of me who doesn’t want to disturb her sleep or misses her if all the pushing and pulling bugs her enough that she gets up and leaves.  I have been known to plead with her, “Fudge, don’t leave. I just need more room. We can work this out!”

 

Like most things that John ignores in the hopes that it will just go away, it almost always come back to bite him in his procrastinating butt. This is exactly what happened last night. That bed let us know that it was not going to be ignored in a big way.  The funny thing was when John’s side fell, he actually tried to get back in the sloping bed and go back to sleep.  Because he is a college graduate, it only took him a matter of minutes to realize sleeping on a slide could be hazardous to your health and before long I heard him say, “this isn’t going to work.” Luckily, my side of the bed was in pretty good shape and while John made himself comfortable in the guest bedroom, I convinced the unmovable Fudge to let me move her to higher ground and we all went back to sleep.  Surprisingly a slanted bed can be quite comfortable and I never once felt like I needed to set up some kind of rock climbing portaledge to remain in place.  In the morning the dogs and I piled in bed with John to talk about the events of the night and we quickly determined that a queen size bed would never work with two big dogs.  I figured it out about the time that Vern stepped on my chest to get closer to John and gave me the equivalent of a mammogram.  Today we pick up the pieces of our bed and try to put it all back together in the hopes that tonight we can be back where we belong pushing Fudge around for more space and sleeping on a level space. Fingers crossed!

[Donna K & Quincy]

Laurie you are too funny. We have had this happen, but years ago when we had a crappy bed. Tell John next time to just duct tape himself to the bed, that ought to work. You can fix anything with duct tape. I can vouch for the fact that doodle mammograms hurt more than the real thing. Luckily they don't last as long. Say Hi to Sister Mary Hayley for me, we don't see enough of her around here. :<)

[Cheryl and Finnegan]

You are too funny! I'm still laughing at the visual of John thinking he could sleep on a slant until morning…and what the expression on your face must have been. That's admirable denial.  Please tell Haley we work hard at finding new ways to annoy our kids :)  So nice when it's appreciated :)

[Bonnie and Kona]

Laurie, Just in the "Making Your Kids Crazy" category. Ask my son about how good I am in that category. He might give me a gold medal.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Becka, That is the part that made me laugh. He honestly tried to get back in and go to sleep! I can also tell you Doodle Mammograms hurt :) LOL

Bonnie, LOL....are you saying I am like my mom?

[Becka]

I love the idea that John tried to get back into a broken bed. And also, you should see if your insurance covers doodle mammograms ;-)

[Bonnie and Kona]

I think annoying our kids is a life-long work of art, Laurie. You seem to do a great job of it. I think you got your particular talent for it from your mom. xo

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Carol, It is a cross to bear for Sister Mary Hayley :) We all annoy her. LOL

Thank you, Shoney and Ruby!! What a nice compliment. 

Nicky, Thank you!! It was an unforgettable event :) LOL

[Carol and Banjo]

What a perfect way to begin my week!   Thanks for the great laughs Laurie.    Sister Mary Hayley must be near sainthood by now, living with you two all these years!  

[Shoney & Ruby]

Oh you make me laugh. You are the Erma Brombeck of DoodleKisses.
Please consider publishing with photos!

[Nicky, Riley & Boris]

That happened to us once, It's one of those event you never forget Lol and as far as having the equivelant of a mammogram I have a similar feeling every morning as Riley comes to get a good morning hug :) Love this blog Laurie X