Two Doodles, Two Frenchies, and a Baby!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

December was an exciting month for us.  Last Christmas was the first Christmas our family was split apart for the holidays because of distance, so whatever I say from this point on, just know I wouldn’t have it any other way.  At the beginning of December, Megan and Doc arrived home in the middle of the night with Archer and their two French Bulldogs.  Megan and Doc have long been night owls and when they visit, it is not uncommon for them to go out around 10 pm and arrive back home long after we have all been asleep for quite some time.  The trouble is they could never sneak back in the house because Fudge and Vern would start announcing their return the minute their car hit the driveway.  By the time they got up the driveway and out of their car, Fudge and Vern were in such a state of watchfulness that the whole house was rocking and all the people sleeping were now wide awake and wondering if we were under attack.  It is not the most pleasant way to wake up and often had me on the verge of suggesting a hotel might be a wonderful place to look into for their next visit.  On top of that, Megan likes to say that my dogs are annoying when they bark like that in the middle of the night and seems oblivious to my sarcasm when I respond back, “gee, if only there were some way to make them stop barking at people coming up our driveway at 2 am.” 

 

Well, this time they had a good excuse for their late arrival, as they didn’t leave until after Megan got off work.  Fudge and Vern had not seen Bonzai since 2010 and never met Jazz, so I fretted about the best way to introduce them with the excitement level at an all time high with the late night arrival.  Just a few days prior, Vern had literally scared the crap out of a possum when he shook him in his mouth and I doubted Megan was going to like that if he did that to one of the Frenchies.  I just knew it would put a real damper on their visit if Fudge and Vern started it off by swinging their two dogs senseless.  Megan is real funny about that kind of stuff.  No one else seemed to be worried about the initial meet and greet and in fact, Megan said to just let our dogs out of the house and they would all work it out.  I guess I couldn't shake the fact that a prior "meet and greet" between Fudge and a rabbit had ended up with one dead rabbit being airlifted via our shovel into the farmer's field next door, but for the sake of peace, I agreed to this idea, but I did say a prayer right before I opened the door.  

 

When I opened the door, we had dogs running in all directions.  There was the initial smell check and then Jazz bee lined into the house.  Fudge was in her glory because she realized rather quickly that Jazz was very submissive and Fudge can be a bit of a dominatrix.  It was Fifty Shades of Hey That Dog is a Wuss as far as Fudge was concerned and she spent the better part of the weekend trying to intimidate him.  I starting calling her The Intimidator and I swear I noticed a swagger in her step.  Her favorite thing to do was to run out ahead of Jazz and then stop and turn around and dare him to go by.  She would do it at the bottom of the steps, so every time I tried to take them out downstairs, there would be a minor pile up on the steps when Jazz applied his brakes.  Once, when I was in the shower, I heard all this barking and opened the door to see Jazz sitting right outside the door and Fudge feigning sleep at the entryway to the bathroom door.  For most of the weekend, she answered to Knock it off, Fudge.

 

The other problem was Jazz wanted to be with me above all others.  I have the same problem when I am out and about in the world.  If there is one weirdo in the room, I seem to be the person they want to talk to and hang with while we are waiting.  I am not calling Jazz a weirdo, just making a point, but Jazz wanted to sit by me, sleep with me, and be with me 24/7.  I guess since I am not used to that in my own household, I thought it was weird. The nights Megan was there I would tell her to take Jazz in with her and the next thing I know I would see a little Yoda looking up at me, commanding me with sad eyes to pick him up. 

What can I say? The dog has my heart and so I picked him up and opened up myself to an uncomfortable night of sleeping with a Frenchie.  I am not sure how one small dog can take up so much space, but I think because he wanted to sleep under the covers burrowed up to my thigh like a hot flash and he was causing me to overheat, that I kept scooting over until I found myself on the edge of the bed with the heat source still attached to my hip and no further means of escape.

 

I imagine those rock climbers, who hang in tents off of vertical cliffs to sleep, get a better night sleep than I did mainly because they leave their Frenchies at home. Since Fudge is the dog who usually sleeps with me and I guess it was too difficult for her to sleep and terrorize at the same time, she would often start up on the bed with us and then desert me rather quickly with a backwards glance that I took to mean, “well, you made your bed, now lie in it with a stupid, bed hogging, stinky, hot, dog.” After one particularly sleepless night, I announced at breakfast that the book, Unbroken, would have been called Broken if the Japanese had access to French Bulldogs and made their prisoners of war sleep with them.  Another morning I announced if Jazz had been on Survivor and the other contestants had to win immunity by sleeping with him that would be a true testament to only the strongest, or maybe dumbest, survive and then I said I feared Jeff Probst would be reading the votes…Jazz…Jazz….Jazz…at tribal council that week. Not once did anyone else volunteer to help me out of this situation, even after my desperate declaration and in fact, when I complained to some friends about having four dogs vying for space on my bed, Megan said, “keep in mind, three of the four she has to pick up and put on the bed with her,” like any of it was my fault.

 

Despite the lack of sleep, it was so wonderful having little Archer home that I kept my cracks to a minimum, knowing full well if I wanted to see Archer in the future he came with this posse. Seems it was a good plan, because they came home for 10 days at Christmas.  This visit went smoother with the dogs and we all decided each visit would get better and better as the dogs acclimate to each other.  Fudge still felt her role was to stop any shenanigans before it got started and a low growl from her would have humping Frenchies part immediately and stand at attention.  Princess Fudge got very adept at assessing the situation and deciding what course of action was needed and on more that one occasion, we called her The Fun Killer.

I actually was quite proud of her prudish behavior, because those two little Englesquirt Humperdincks would even try humping each other while out walking at the park, and nothing says I have lost all control over my dogs like trying to separate two R rated dogs on a PG13 (due to bad language) walk.  Between that and Fudge leaping in all directions to avoid having them brush up against her on our walks and Vern stopping, dropping, and rolling at a moment’s notice, I pretty much decided walking four dogs was just about the dumbest thing I ever thought to do.

 

The good thing was both of my dogs were in love with Archer. Neither of them had been around babies and Vern, especially, was so enamored of him our biggest problem was trying to get him to stop giving him kisses.  I started to think the Frenchies were rubbing off on him and when it came to kissing, he thought he was a French Doodle.  Thankfully, Megan and Doc took it all in stride and Archer seemed unperturbed by the lurking presence of an extra large dog who seemed to want to be near him most of the day.  All four dogs behaved wonderfully around Archer and Archer was all smiles when they were nearby.  It makes me happy to think this little boy is going to grow up being loved by and loving dogs.  So, if that means we put up with lots of chaos when they come home, then I guess that means I just need to stock up on the Excedrin.  I noticed John opened a bottle of bourbon during the Christmas visit, so I guess we all have our own way of coping. 

Bonzai taking a nap on Hayley's feet

This is how Archer looks when he sees the dogs!

[Ginny Nightingale]

What a wonderful holiday!! So what if there was no sleep for Laurie! I am sure you would not have it any other way! Lots of fun to read--thanks for giving us a few laughs today--I am in particular need of a few laughs since I am "prepping" for my colonoscopy right now--ew. 

[Bonnie and Kona]

I am exhausted from belly-laughing! I read this out loud to my DD and she said her cheeks hurt. I loved every word. But "It was Fifty Shades of Hey That Dog is a Wuss as far as Fudge was concerned" had me pounding on the couch with my hand and barely able to breathe. Do you know what good your blogs are for those of us who need a laugh? Thank you once again, Laurie. You made my day. And as I have said numerous times, Archer has stolen my heart and I have three of my own completely adorable grandchildren. What a cutie-pie.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, DJ!

Sheila, I will let you know when the show airs on TV :)

Donna, Poor Quincy....it was tense here for a bit at first, but we got it mostly figured out. Who want to be friends with Quincy?? Hayley and I just got back from NC and shared a double bed with each other and the dogs. Tight quarters. I love my king sized bed :) Glad you are home safe and sound. Megan has no cable...luckily, she has Internet!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

You are very welcome, Shoney & Ruby :)

Joanne, Are you saying Fudge takes after John? LOL Happy New Years to you, too! I am glad you were first!

Karen, I really do adore those Frenchies. I think they might win you over IF you didn't have to sleep with one :)

[F, Calla & Luca]

Give a hug to Quincy and take one for yourself. Home seems better every day.

[Donna K & Quincy]

Sounds like a great Christmas! We know you're totally innocent and in no way encouraged any of this behaviour, but apparently you are willing to do anything to be French kissed. Your pictures are adorable and Queen Fudge looks like she was born to rule. Archer is a lucky baby to be surrounded by such love, both four legged and two legged. :>)  I had a similar Christmas, double bed with a DH who slept in a perfect arc covering two thirds of the bed and blaming me for hogging the bed. I guess the top 6 inch square corner of the bed was more than my share. That was the night, the day was spent trying to stop a 20lb terror terrier mix named Henry from trying to take a piece of my dog. While Henry spent most of Christmas tethered to a door knob with Quincy giving him as much space as he possibly could, and despite our best efforts Quincy came home sporting two small puncture wounds and his dad's t-shirt. We had no internet and I so desperately needed some advice.  Christmas wasn't all bad but I was really happy to get back home. :>) I just wish John had been close enough to share that bottle of bourbon.

[Sheila & Finnley]

So much fun! A cooing baby, lots of love, warm snuggles.

Snorting Frenchies,   Dipsy Doodles, and a goofy grandmother!

I would watch this reality show !!

[DJ & Chance]

What a great blog!  I think you were Jazz's payback for control queen Fudge.  Love the photos.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Charlotte, I agree completely :)

Lonnie, Thank you!!

Leslie, LOL...Fudge is that smart and she sure wouldn't let him have much fun :)

Linda, Thank you!

Camilla, Thank you!!

Becka, Pipe down.....LOL :) Everyone knows I am a sucker :)

Nancy, Thank you so much! We are lucky!

Sheri, LOL on the title :) We did have fun!!

Thanks, Jane. I almost messaged you a couple of times about Fudge :)

F, Are you calling me a braggart? LOL Of course, he loved me best...that goes without saying :) Thank you for the NC!

[Gail and Bailey]

What a wonderful holiday visit!  Surrounded by love!  Lucky Archer!!