Vern and Fudge and the New Trainer!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Last week I wrote a blog in the training group because I was so upset about Fudge and Vern on a recent walk. It seems we do fine individually, but when I take them together, all hell breaks loose. I deleted the blog within a few hours, because I thought it sounded whiny, but not before a few people read it. Later that night, I got on DK and found I had several nice supportive responses in my Inbox. One was from a member who I will not name, that recommended a trainer to me that lived near me.

Yesterday, I went to meet the trainer at her house and to say she was a salty character would be an understatement. Before I write any more, I will state emphatically I liked her a lot and feel like we are going to work well together. That being said, here is what happened.

I was early, so it gave me time to scout out her location. There were no signs out front, but what I did see was a man picking up dog poop in her yard and an out building that looked like a very strong wind could blow the whole thing down. I pulled in the driveway and the man went inside to get the trainer. While waiting, I let both dogs out of the car to do their business.  Soon, Fudge starts to bark and Vern starts to growl and I look up to see a woman coming towards me wearing, what I can only describe as lumberjack clothes, along with a ski hat. She was an imposing figure and Vern was petrified. When I told her that he was scared of people wearing hats, she did not offer to remove it, but said, “It’s not covering my face” and left no room for further discussion. She took one look at Fudge and Vern and said Vern had fear issues. I was going to ask her what gave it away, was it the cowering, the leaking pee, or the fact that he was trying to get away from her, but I was starting to have fear issues too, so I kept my mouth shut.

Next, she had me put Fudge in the car and wanted me to bring Vern to her garage. Inside the small garage, was a large motorcycle with a black drape over it and as I was walking toward the cycle, she said, “Don’t let your dog pee on my motorcycle, or I will get really pissed.” I wanted to ask her how she felt about pee on her garage floor, because I was pretty sure if this kept up, either Vern or I was going to let loose.  Instead, I made a mental note to self: buy Vern doggie diapers for next training session and possibly Depends for myself.

She worked with Vern a little and he gradually was feeling less fearful and then she said to me, “Let’s see how you handle Vern.” I was so ready, as he and I have been working, and I was sure I was going to impress her with our team work and skills. Approximately, one minute after I started, she said, “I can already see the problem.” At that point, I felt so badly for Vern, because I knew it was him, and then she said, “It is you.” WHAT???  In the space of two minutes, she ran off about 10 things I was doing incorrectly. Finally, I turned to her and said, “Why don’t you show me what you want me to do?” and she said, “That is not how this works.” I might have muttered, “I want my mommy” at this point.

 

Meanwhile, in between coaching me with her sweet, easy way, she was talking to the man still in the yard. I have no idea who he was, but he seemed to have two roles. One, he was the poop picker upper and two; he acted as a distraction while she trained Vern. During the training, she kept telling him where he could locate the poop to be picked up.  I think her exact words were, “There is a large turd over to the right.” Once in awhile, she would help him out a little, by giving him a description about the turd she was referencing. I started to feel a little sorry for him and thought about passing him a note to see if he needed help.  The note would read, “If you are being held against your will, yell that you can not find the large brown turd in the yard, and I will call the police.”  In the end I figured if it came down to him or me getting picked on, I voted for him any day.

 

Finally, Vern was issued a reprieve and next up was Fudge. Fudge is my reactive dog and doesn’t pull like Vern, but she finds other ways to pluck my nerves. I have no proof, but I feel like she telepathically directs Vern into doing bad stuff along with her and since he is bigger and let’s just say, not as bright, he usually gets caught. Fudge is very smart and definitely the brains of the operation. Vern follows her lead and supplies the brawn. The trainer went to get her dog to see how Fudge would behave. I just knew she was going to be impressed when she saw me handle Fudge when her dog came out. I mean, what’s not to like about a snarling, barking, dog whose owner is walking besides her red faced and apologetic.

 

Out she comes, and tells me to do what I normally do when we see another dog. I said something like I was pretty sure she was not going to like it and she said nothing.  What I really wanted to say was, “so it is ok then, if we get in the car and leave,” but I suspected that was not what she wanted to observe or hear either.  The two of us forged ahead and Fudge barked at her dog, but not nearly to the degree she does when we are alone in the park.  She often does this to make me look like I am exaggerating the problem.

 

Finally, we are done. The trainer talks a little about what we are going to do in training and says that the only thing she asks of me is that I clear my head of everything I have learned about dog training and we start from scratch. I told her that was going to be no problem, since I did not know that much and with that statement, I got my first smile of the day.

 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Lisa, Now I get it....duh!

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

OH no ha ha, I meant the trainer could be on a wanted poster somewhere not Jane (but ya never know so could anyone of us)!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Lisa, Thank you for taking the time to look at my blogs :) I just got back from IN and I could write one about my DH cementing fence poles in a different location than we had talked about, but I fear I would not follow DK  guidelines and bad language would be used :) We keep getting rained out with the trainer, but we are back in business on Tuesday for 2 hours. Poor Fudge and Vern. Could that be true about Jane....LOL?

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Oh and Laurie, don't listen to Jane (of Guinness and Murphy) she may not like her picture taken, she could be on a wanted list somewhere.

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Um, I just don't know what to say except if I don't get my weekly dose of Laurie, Fudge and Vern antics I feel deprived...I was getting desperate so I looked at a post I missed - woo hoo, I hit the jack pot.

Just so you know I would leave and never go back, you are braver than I.

:-0

[Linda, Webber and Seda]

Hysterically funny, as usual!  You are a hoot, Laurie.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Tina. She was protective of that motorcycle...haha!

[Tina, Clover, Plus 5 More]

I just got home from a Lyme Disease awareness fundraiser and needed a good laugh.  This is hilarious I almost needed the depends myself.  You just described a third of the people at the fundraiser.  I keep picturing a lady riding a harley with her husband on back. LOL  I shouldn't be talking since we have a couple of harley's in the garage.  My DH has trained all our dogs "NO MARKING THE TIRES".  Our last lab Woody would mark DH's tire when he was mad at him.  Can't wait to hear about your next training session.

[Becky, Savannah, & Raleigh]

Laurie, you are so hilarious! Who and where is this dog trainer? Maybe she can scare the pee out of Raleigh too into behaving better! don't get me wrong, he is a lot better than before, but he still needs some work!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jane, I don't know about that one...LOL