Vern and Fudge and the New Trainer!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Last week I wrote a blog in the training group because I was so upset about Fudge and Vern on a recent walk. It seems we do fine individually, but when I take them together, all hell breaks loose. I deleted the blog within a few hours, because I thought it sounded whiny, but not before a few people read it. Later that night, I got on DK and found I had several nice supportive responses in my Inbox. One was from a member who I will not name, that recommended a trainer to me that lived near me.

Yesterday, I went to meet the trainer at her house and to say she was a salty character would be an understatement. Before I write any more, I will state emphatically I liked her a lot and feel like we are going to work well together. That being said, here is what happened.

I was early, so it gave me time to scout out her location. There were no signs out front, but what I did see was a man picking up dog poop in her yard and an out building that looked like a very strong wind could blow the whole thing down. I pulled in the driveway and the man went inside to get the trainer. While waiting, I let both dogs out of the car to do their business.  Soon, Fudge starts to bark and Vern starts to growl and I look up to see a woman coming towards me wearing, what I can only describe as lumberjack clothes, along with a ski hat. She was an imposing figure and Vern was petrified. When I told her that he was scared of people wearing hats, she did not offer to remove it, but said, “It’s not covering my face” and left no room for further discussion. She took one look at Fudge and Vern and said Vern had fear issues. I was going to ask her what gave it away, was it the cowering, the leaking pee, or the fact that he was trying to get away from her, but I was starting to have fear issues too, so I kept my mouth shut.

Next, she had me put Fudge in the car and wanted me to bring Vern to her garage. Inside the small garage, was a large motorcycle with a black drape over it and as I was walking toward the cycle, she said, “Don’t let your dog pee on my motorcycle, or I will get really pissed.” I wanted to ask her how she felt about pee on her garage floor, because I was pretty sure if this kept up, either Vern or I was going to let loose.  Instead, I made a mental note to self: buy Vern doggie diapers for next training session and possibly Depends for myself.

She worked with Vern a little and he gradually was feeling less fearful and then she said to me, “Let’s see how you handle Vern.” I was so ready, as he and I have been working, and I was sure I was going to impress her with our team work and skills. Approximately, one minute after I started, she said, “I can already see the problem.” At that point, I felt so badly for Vern, because I knew it was him, and then she said, “It is you.” WHAT???  In the space of two minutes, she ran off about 10 things I was doing incorrectly. Finally, I turned to her and said, “Why don’t you show me what you want me to do?” and she said, “That is not how this works.” I might have muttered, “I want my mommy” at this point.

 

Meanwhile, in between coaching me with her sweet, easy way, she was talking to the man still in the yard. I have no idea who he was, but he seemed to have two roles. One, he was the poop picker upper and two; he acted as a distraction while she trained Vern. During the training, she kept telling him where he could locate the poop to be picked up.  I think her exact words were, “There is a large turd over to the right.” Once in awhile, she would help him out a little, by giving him a description about the turd she was referencing. I started to feel a little sorry for him and thought about passing him a note to see if he needed help.  The note would read, “If you are being held against your will, yell that you can not find the large brown turd in the yard, and I will call the police.”  In the end I figured if it came down to him or me getting picked on, I voted for him any day.

 

Finally, Vern was issued a reprieve and next up was Fudge. Fudge is my reactive dog and doesn’t pull like Vern, but she finds other ways to pluck my nerves. I have no proof, but I feel like she telepathically directs Vern into doing bad stuff along with her and since he is bigger and let’s just say, not as bright, he usually gets caught. Fudge is very smart and definitely the brains of the operation. Vern follows her lead and supplies the brawn. The trainer went to get her dog to see how Fudge would behave. I just knew she was going to be impressed when she saw me handle Fudge when her dog came out. I mean, what’s not to like about a snarling, barking, dog whose owner is walking besides her red faced and apologetic.

 

Out she comes, and tells me to do what I normally do when we see another dog. I said something like I was pretty sure she was not going to like it and she said nothing.  What I really wanted to say was, “so it is ok then, if we get in the car and leave,” but I suspected that was not what she wanted to observe or hear either.  The two of us forged ahead and Fudge barked at her dog, but not nearly to the degree she does when we are alone in the park.  She often does this to make me look like I am exaggerating the problem.

 

Finally, we are done. The trainer talks a little about what we are going to do in training and says that the only thing she asks of me is that I clear my head of everything I have learned about dog training and we start from scratch. I told her that was going to be no problem, since I did not know that much and with that statement, I got my first smile of the day.

 

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Laurie, next week do you think you can get a picture of "scary lumberjack" for us?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Jennifer, I really did like her and felt like she was going to be a huge help to me. I can't handle another dog..LOL.

Cheryl, Michele, Deanna and Sharon, Thanks for the comments. She probably won't like me taking notes for the next installment.

[Jennifer,Chloe & Myla]

So so funny! I can't even believe it. Laughing but loving it and very scared for you too!

You must follow up on this experience you could write a book it's so interesting and funny. ( I hope you can laugh)

Are you still speaking to the person who sent you there? Just kidding. Can I ship Chloe over?? I'd be WAY too scared to go it alone. I bet she's really expensive too hey?? Keep us up to date, can't wait. Oh, by the way I whine everytime we walk our dogs together. Myla is an angle by herself some psychotic idiot walking with Chloe and my husband.

[cheryl & oliver]

Laurie, I was hysterical reading this, the picture you paint with words is just amazing..I would have been scared to death of this lady (?) too.  This is going to be a good one to follow and end up in the book, lol...I bet that the "boys" were thrilled to get in the car and leave, lol....

[Michele, Biscuit & Mo]

You are now under orders to write down every story that stems from your training adventures.  I haven't had this good a laugh in a long time, and I can't wait to read more!

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

You need to call TLC or Animal Planet and pitch your adventures as a new reality TV show.  It could be a huge hit and make you tons of money.  I'd watch!!!!

[Sharon & Monty]

Oh my, this is gonna be a hoot!  lol  Absolutely does sound like the movie A Dog Year with Jeff Bridges, which in my opinion was excellent.  Best of luck for your new adventure with Fudge & Vern.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Ricki, I will remember that always :)

Donna, I will try and see if my daughter can get it off of Netflix

Colleen, It is good to laugh :)

[Colleen, Jake & Baxter]

 

I think I am going to have to borrow my Mil's depends just reading this........too funny but probably not at the time!

[Donna K & Quincy]

Laurie, you need to check out the movie and you will see exactly what I mean, it immediately came to mind when I read your description. I don't know if you can find it on line. You have such a gift for story telling that I have no trouble seeing it play out in my head.