Vern and his Diet!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Not too long ago Vern went to the vet and we found out his weight had skyrocketed to 108 pounds.  The vet was fine as long as he hovered around 100 pounds, but once she saw the 108, she declared that Vern needed to lose weight.  Unfortunately, this is a scene I am all too familiar with in my own life and I was determined to handle this with more grace and finesse than my mother.  Fat is the most heinous F word in the English language according to my mother and just the other day she was lamenting to me that we were all cursed with the fat gene.  The “we” lets me know that I am included in her thought process and a member of the fat group list she keeps in her head.  Well, no way was I going to tell Vern he was now a member of this club, so I explained to him on the ride home that the vet meant to use a different F word, fluffy, and he was just overly fluffy. I could tell by the way he wagged his tail that he thought fluffy was a fun word.

I'm Vern and I'm Fluffy!

Now, I will take some of the blame for Vern’s fluffiness, but I really feel like Fudge is almost 90% to blame for Vern’s heftiness.

It's Not my Fault!!  I'm innocent!

I will hear no arguments that I should be in charge.  I could leave food out all day and neither dog will touch it until dinnertime.  An opened bag of dog food would not entice them either and neither dog gobbles up their food when we finally put it down. They want to eat at dinnertime….period.  Fudge is one of those dogs that never gains weight and eats like a little bird and is not ruled by thoughts of getting enough to eat.  The problem is when I put their food down, Fudge won’t eat until the stars align, the kitchen is quiet, and a rather large fluffy dog has vacated the area.  She doesn’t guard her food or anything of that sort, she just prefers to be alone.  I feel the same way when I eat my morning oatmeal and I hate when other people are coming in and out of the kitchen and please, not one question until my oatmeal is finished.  While we are on this topic, I can one up Fudge, because I also like the TV to be on something I want to watch if I am in the kitchen and nothing irks me more than to be searching for a Modern Family rerun and hear some stupid show come on in the living room that I do not want to watch.  On Saturday mornings, it could be Norm’s voice from This Old House.  It makes no difference that time and time again I have said the only Norm I want to hear with a Boston accent is the one that parks himself on a bar stool on Cheers, no one seems to care. Don’t get me started on Sunday nights when he remembers 60 Minutes is on, or as I like to call it 59 Minutes Too Long, and the sound of that ticking clock fills the downstairs accompanied by my groans.

 

So, I definitely get that we all have our own hang ups when it comes to eating, but Fudge’s need for privacy and Vern’s tendency to keep track of what Fudge is doing and eating is not a great combination.  Many nights you will find me imploring Fudge to eat as she makes her familiar loop through the living room, dining room, and kitchen, trying to decide if everything is “as she likes it” or another loop is needed or if she should just return at a later time. We have all hurried up and eaten at one time or the other because the looping and pacing can drive you quite mad and is the equivalent of someone standing over top of you and screaming, “HURRY UP!” as you try and enjoy what you are eating.  I think it is a testament to my strong will that I am able to consume the number of calories I do.  Come to think of it, Fudge may be the reason I am overweight, because I am bound and determined to not let her push me out of my own kitchen.  I’ll show you who’s boss. I am going to have another cookie and take my time.   I think you can all see my point and see now why I blame Fudge for anyone being overweight in our household.

Guilty as charged! I'll eat later.....right after my nap!  Being skinny is hard work!

Well, since the vet’s recommendation, I have cut Vern’s food down considerably, measured every morsel, done a much better job of watching who gets what, and put all food up at night.  Imagine my surprise when having done all this, Vern’s next vet checkup found him one pound HEAVIER!  So, back to the drawing board, and I went out and got Fromm’s Weight Management food, cut it back a tad more, and anxiously took Vern in for another appointment and Vern had gained another pound. Oh, and guess which skinny dog preferred the lower calorie food....not Vern. Vern turned up his nose at it for a couple of days, much like I do when someone puts a piece of grilled fish and broccoli on my plate and says, "eat it and like it."

Don't judge me, people!

Back to Vern's unexpected weight gain, when this happens to me at the Doctor’s office, I can blame my shoes (no comment) or the heavy clothes I am wearing, and I have the liberty of saying to the person weighing me, “deduct 10 pounds right now for clothes and shoes, or I strip naked and have you re-weigh me in my birthday suit.”  Unfortunately, Vern doesn’t have that option, since he is already au naturel when he gets weighed. Keep in mind we walk in ALL weather and have continued to do so even with this hard winter.  The vet does not think it is his thyroid because he does not meet the other symptoms and in fact, when she asked if he was lethargic, I said, “we wish!” Vern is the busiest dog I know and is not a couch potato by any definition of the word.  The vet was not too upset and said she did not want Vern to lose the weight too quickly and I told her that based on that criteria, it was pretty safe to say Vern was not going to have that problem and seemed to be on the right path.  Of course, my mom said Vern has that dreaded fat gene that she feels runs in our family and seemed able to ignore the fact that Vern is not a blood relative. 

 

Oh, and in case you are wondering, green beans are not the answer for Vern’s diet.  He hates them.  The dog that will eat grass, mud, sticks, Kleenex, and goose poop, draws the line at green beans.  Go figure!  As of now, I am not willing to cut his food down anymore and we have tried to increase his exercise.  If anyone knows of a good DVD workout for dogs, please let me know.  We tried the Pussycat Dolls DVD, but once Vern found out it wasn’t real cats, he lost interest.  All the Golden Retrievers in Sweatin’ with the Goldies just made him stare at the TV and bark.  My friend came over yesterday and hadn’t seen the dogs in quite some time and immediately said that Vern was three times the size of Fudge.  I guess her comment brought back the time one of the residents at the Assisted Living Place where I volunteered said that two of her made one of me and I asked if I was allowed to slap an old person, which made her laugh all the harder.  I told my friend that we were against the F word in our house and when she got a puzzled look on her face, I explained I meant F-A-T.  She said she was happy I clarified since she originally thought this was another example from me of do as I say and not as I do.

 

 

Hopefully, Spring will be here soon and with that, more exercise for Vern.  I have not ruled out the treadmill and already explained to John if I have to increase our daily walks from two to three, I won’t have time to cook dinner.  All he said was he knew somehow that was coming.

My mom told me girls like fluffy!

[Lonnie & Libby Lu]

Vern, fluffy is good on you and I'm with you on the green beans.  No thank you ever! 

[Stella]

I cut Hartley back to less than one cup of food per meal (Acana), he eats two times a day. We have also battled through the frigid winter to walk and play outside every day and he has gone up to 78lb. The vet isn't too concerned but because we do agility I like to keep him lighter. I would like to get him down to below 74lb. I worry that if I cut back his food anymore he won't be getting all the nutrients he needs, and he is hungry. So, I guess it is time to try the green beans until I can get to my food store to pick up some "Acana Light and Fit". As he is now six, I think he is giving in to his Labrador genes!! Chase, my multi-gen, is like Fudge, very picky about when he eats and I can't get him to gain weight!

[Donna K & Quincy]

Vern we love you a ton no matter how fluffy you are. We feel your pain Vern, both Quincy and myself are a bit fluffy ourselves and need to go on that green bean diet. We do go out every day but this winter our walks have been shorter than they usually are. I keep telling myself that we will up our activity level come spring. Spring had better hurry up, if this continues I'll have to find a nudist colony to join because I won't have anything left to wear that fits me. I will have to move however as we don't have a lot of nudist colonies in Newfoundland. :>)) 

[F, Calla & Luca]

Poor Vern. Calla sends her sympathies. I was just poking her the other day and I convinced myself I felt ribs. I made a vet appt. for mid May, for an annual, but she gets groomed mid April, the day before a vet visit would be better. Hair has to weigh something. I think that's Vern's problem, his coat needs trimming : )

[Joanna, Zoe & Bender]

Oh Vern!  I love all 108 lbs of you!  

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Yes, Vern girls DO like fluffy when it comes to handsome loveable Doodles like you.  It's just "Winter weight" and it will go away by June....I promise.  I have it too and so does little Guinness (not to mention Dave and Tim)...we all just need good weather and then everything will be fine.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Vern, I love you no matter how fluffy you are. There's just more of you to love. :)

[Pat and Traveler]

Hilarious, Laurie!  Love the 'fluffy.'  I wonder if I can be fluffy...sure, why not!  Trav is more like Fudge when it comes to eating.  Sometimes I put his bowl of food down, and he just looks at me with a puzzled expression.  I try to get him to approach the bowl, and he doesn't seem to get it.  Strange dog!