Vern and His Manhood!! Slightly R Rated!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Four weeks ago, Vern went back to training class. We are in a group class with the same trainer we have worked with before. He is a breeder of Belgian Malinois dogs.  The trainer is a macho kind of guy, loves to tell his “war stories”, and thinks his dogs are the best breed of dog ever produced by man.  Privately, I call them Mallomar Bars, but feel it is not necessary to publicly agitate a man who trains police dogs. 

 

The class has been good for Vern.  This is the first class, besides puppy class, he has taken without Fudge and initially it was hard for him.  Vern takes a lot of his cues from Fudge and is even less brave when she is not there. The first class he went into like a man being led to the gallows and the trainer talked about fearful dogs and went on about Labradoodles and Goldendoodles.  I felt badly that the Doodle representing all of Doodledom was sitting at my feet with buckets of drool hanging off his face.  It was hard to pipe up and say, “Doodles are brave, outgoing dogs!” while I was searching for a Kleenex or some way to rid Vern of the spittle dangling off his chin. 

 

After the first class, I came home slightly wound up and ranted to my husband that this trainer had a lot of opinions that irritated me. I liked and respected all his training techniques, but his opinions about Doodles being designer dogs and breeders that breed Doodles, rankled me enough that I finally asked him after class one day if he thought there were any good Doodle breeders.  He sidestepped the question, and just said he had trained a few with problems this past year.  I guess I could have asked him if he had ever seen a Belgian Malinois with a problem, but I just decided I don’t have to go to dinner with this trainer, or exchange birthday presents with him, or care what dog he prefers, as long as Vern benefits from this class.   So far, the trainer has been great with Vern and for Vern, and he is kind and fair and very knowledgeable and each class, Vern has gained more confidence and that is what counts to me.

 

This does not mean that I don’t feel a little competitive and want Vern to do well and change the trainer’s mind about Doodles, because I do.  For that reason, every week before class I tell Vern that just because he is missing some manly body parts does not mean he cannot man up and show those other dogs a thing or two.  Well, lately it seems like Vern has taken my advice to heart because almost every time we train and I praise him, his “business” makes an appearance and there he sits wagging his tail and smiling and looking like he is thinking, “you said to man up!” I don’t know who remembers Mr. Big from Sex and the City, but for the purposes of this blog and to avoid any confusion, I will refer to Vern’s “business” from here on out as Mr. Red. 

The other day my husband and I were working with the dogs in the park and sure enough Mr. Red showed up and I pointed it out to my husband with an “ewwww,” and my husband patted Vern on the head and proudly said, “that’s my boy!” I certainly didn’t think reinforcing this behavior was the way to go, especially since my husband does not attend classes with Vern and a trainer who already thinks Doodles are genetically inferior.  It is getting embarrassing and the thought of standing across the training room from Vern and his best friend, Mr. Red, and yelling, “Come, Vern!” makes me feel like his name should be Kern and my name should be Kaurie and we should be filming an episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

 

On top of that, Vern has gone to the dark side and developed a crush on a cute little female Belgian Malinois in the class.  Vern went from being the dog that sat quietly by my side to the classroom Lothario in a matter of three weeks.  Last class, when we were sitting listening to the instructor, I saw him skooching over to get closer to his girlfriend.  He wags his tail a lot more and watches her every chance he gets.  She likes Vern, too, and play bows to him and I get the feeling they are just biding their time until they can blow this training class and get outside and wrestle. I thought at our next class I would ask my trainer what his opinion was regarding mixing his much loved Belgian Malinois breed with a Doodle and calling it a Belgian WaffleDoodle.  That ought to give him something to think about before he falls asleep at night.

 

Meanwhile, we are out every day doing all kinds of fun new things to open up Vern and Fudge’s minds to new experiences.  The trainer suggested in class everyone look for a small area like a picnic table, etc. and have your dog jump up on that and go through basic commands with your dog confined to that small space.

I figured we might as well try it, in case Vern ever decides to join the circus and work with the clowns, but I am still not sure he is going to be able to fit in a clown car for the finale. 

This week we went to the park and went down a children’s slide and Vern wasn’t scared at all and wanted to go back for seconds. We also found an old construction horse back in the woods and have been trying to get the dogs to jump over it. 

Fudge loves this exercise and is beautiful and graceful to watch.  Vern runs full speed towards the horse and then right UNDER it every time.  He is so proud of himself when he gets to the other side and dances around and nudges Fudge like he is saying, “I did it, too!!”

 

You have my daughter (the one in Oregon) to blame for this blog. I tried to tell her about my dogs and the construction horse and all the fun things we did at the park and when I finished, she pretended like her French Bulldog, Jazz, was speaking and said, “Grandma, this story is boring and stupid.” Can you imagine what Jazz would have said if I told him about Vern and Mr. Red?  Luckily, I have all of you to tell instead.

[charlotte bednarsh]

What is a belgian malinois?  Are you sure Mr. Macho trainer didn't make up his own designer breed?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Bonnie, If only those grandkids were not going to be in Oregon...LOL!!

Nancy, I will have to tell Vern that Ned and Clancy have an even better way :)

Leslie, I know...when will my family and dogs learn that everything they do can and will be used against them :)

[Leslie and Halas]

Poor Vern. He finally decides to prove he's a man, and it just gets used against hi. In a blog. WTD?

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

How fun to take Vern to a class.  I am sure the macho trainer would be open to a mixed marriage - NOT!  Ned and Clancy think Vern just works too hard going under the saw horse. They say veer around it and he won't even have to duck.

[Bonnie and Kona]

Oh Laurie, You are going to love it! 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

F, I am telling your brother you said he has a deficit gene :) LOL

[F, Calla & Luca]

No offense to the part of the population with Y chromosomes but the spelling deficit gene resides on that chromosome I believe and it is a  dominant gene : ) JK

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

F, Lots of really smart people are not great spellers. Your brother comes to mind, so I wondered if it ran in the family! I am so glad you know how to spell genius correctly....LOL!!

Bonnie, I can't wait to have smart grandchildren, too :)

Jen, I agree and I love all dogs, too. I would never say anything bad about someone's dog, so I don't understand some of these trainers, but it is their loss. Fudge and Vern are my heart dogs and nothing anyone says would ever change that about them :) LOL

[jen w.]

Deanna...the stuff about people thinking doodles are "designer" dogs (your trainer)  is so spot on! I've heard that one so many times -- including from the shelter where I got my other "mutt" (breed unknown). ! I hear things like, "Oh...they're all crazy. What do you expect when they put poodles with any other breed..." etc, etc.. All I can say to that is this...How the heck does anyone think we came to develop any of the true "breeds" of dog? Mark my words.... a few decades from now, the idea that doodles are mutts will be a thing of the past at Westminster! I love all dogs, purebred or otherwise but the dogs themselves don't care what they are! Just ask Beasley!

[Bonnie and Kona]

Deanna, True BRILLIANCE! Isn't it wonderful that we each have the smartest grandchildren who have ever lived. Yes, Vern definitely has chosen the wiser path even though it may not be the chosen path of the trainer.