Who's Your Alpha?

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Right off the bat, I am going to tell you that I hate the name “alpha”.  In fact, I would go so far as to say I don’t care for the names Spanky, Darla, Buckwheat, or Porky, either.  Now, before you start yelling at me that I mean to say Alfalfa and not Alpha, I know that, but I like to open with a joke. I also know very little about The Little Rascal kids, but I am betting Alfalfa is the one with the hair that sticks up.  The reason I have deduced that is, because on several occasions, members of my family have said, “Hey there, Alfalfa, what have you got going on with your hair?” when I walked into a room and then they snicker.  For some reason, no matter how hard I try, it seems I have a perpetual cowlick on the left side of my head.  At the last wedding, Megan actually tried to explain to me the correct way to blow dry my hair so the sides would go under and slowed down her explanation in such a way that made me feel like she didn’t think I could understand simple instructions if given too quickly.  When I said, “I am not an idiot.  My hair just has a mind of its own,” one of them added, “well, it looks like it outwits you on a daily basis.” 

Luckily, It is never quite this bad!

Back to this alpha thing that gets brought up time and time again. I don’t know why it bugs me so much, but it does.  It is usually the misuse of the word alpha that gets me worked up and especially when someone says it about a puppy. I am sure, in some cases, there are some dogs that need this kind of regimented training, but when I hear about a puppy exhibiting normal puppy behavior and some inexperienced dog owner wants to roll it on its back, it makes me crazy.  What happened to common sense and gentle guidance? I know it is hard not to panic when that adorable puppy you brought home turns into something you saw on Shark Week right before your eyes, but just remember this too shall pass.  Most of the time someone is talking about wanting to be the alpha, has read about it in some training manual, or knows somebody who told them they must be the alpha to their dog. I hate when I hear that someone is following a person’s advice based on the fact that it worked for them and they have owned dogs for years. There are some things we did years ago that we have since learned is not the right way to do things.  Rubbing your dog’s nose in a mistake he/she made on your floor is one of them.  John went to Catholic school and had his hands smacked with a ruler by a nun and nowadays you aren’t hearing many teachers at Parent/Teacher night telling mom and dad how they hope they will be understanding if Johnny or Susie comes home with broken fingers.  I don’t want my kids or dogs afraid of me and if that means they don’t behave perfectly in all situations, so be it. Of course, I have dogs that don’t come when called most of the time and kids who tease me on a daily basis, so what do I know?

 

The closest I have come to purposely humiliating my kids was when I used to show up to their school during American Education week.  This was a week when parents could shadow their children in their classrooms and observe them learning. Parents had the option of coming to any class or staying for the day. Quite frankly, this was my favorite week of the school year and I used it to my advantage often during the weeks leading up to it.  Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t really want to sit in a classroom again all day, I just loved using it as leverage and the power it wielded me, if only for a short time. If my kids stepped out of line or irritated me in any way, I would start talking about what I might throw on before appearing at school or how I couldn’t wait to share fun antidotes with their classmates.  By the time this week rolled around, we had clean bedrooms and near perfect children.  This week was a godsend right up until Megan hit sixth grade and asked me specifically to show up for one particular class.  I should have known something was up by her excitement level, but I fell for it, and walked into that class with a smile on my face.   Well, that smile got wiped right off my face in no time when the teacher informed all of the other poor patsies who had been tricked by their children and me that we would be expected to participate in class and the topic was longitude and latitude.  When I looked over at Megan she had a big smirk on her face and made sure to make a big show of covering her answers.  I mouthed, “you are dead when we get home,” and tried not to make eye contact with the teacher for the rest of the period.

 

I like the term Pack Leader so much better than Alpha, because in both cases while you are trying to be in charge, pack leader seems to be someone who has earned the respect of others and alpha is someone who demands it.  Again, these are just my opinions and although I am very rarely wrong, feel free to disagree with me, but most of the time when that happens, I just decide in my head that you are not very bright.  For those of you who disagree with me, I will tell you the same thing I used to tell my kids, “because I said so, that’s why!”  As they got older, they used to question my authority and say stuff like, “mom, an algorithm does not have anything to do with an exclusive Rhythm method of birth control used by the Catholics or a new dance craze.”  Sometimes, the “because I said so, that’s why,” elicited snickers and back talking and I am not just talking about John.

Another method of dog training I don’t really like is aversion therapy, although I will admit to squirting my dogs with water when they bark on the boat.  I guess I also have to fess up that I honk at them and kazoo them on occasion and have even used the water aversion therapy tactic on Hayley when she wouldn’t stop eating on our boat.   I don’t mind eating on our boat, but I hate when I am helping John dock the boat or getting water for the dogs or anticipating a dog meltdown when a goose swims by and Hayley is reading her book and stuffing Old Bay Popcorn into her mouth like she is on a cruise and we are the staff.  Oh, and when she finally turns and says stuff like, “how was I supposed to know Fudge was leaning way over the seat and almost fell into the water?” I came up with a way to get her attention.  Instead of pointing out that she sits inches from Fudge and probably would be more aware of her surroundings if her hand shoving the popcorn into her mouth and her book weren’t blocking her view, I just decided to squirt her with water when I saw her hand go up.  So far, she has not been much more help, but I feel better.  I guess I need to amend my aversion to aversion therapy methods and say I am all for it when it helps my nerves.

(P.S. Take my advice and DO NOT Google "Squirting someone in the face!" to try and get pictures to insert here. I can't wait to see the ads I get next! )

What does all this mean and please don’t say that Laurie has no idea what she is trying to say.  It just means that when you are given a puppy or a child, most of the time they really want to please you, and they are not plotting a world takeover when they cry or act out.  Megan had colic for two months when we first brought her home and I was so tired if I thought she would have fit in the library’s night book drop off slot, I might have tried it just to get some sleep. Now, before you call me a bad parent, I can assure you I would have gone to check her back out in the morning.  Fudge had razor sharp teeth that latched onto my arms and legs on many occasions and the person who said to turn your back on a misbehaving puppy must have thought it was just better not to see it coming.  Sometimes, firm or gentle guidance may be needed and other times, a sense of humor goes a long way in diffusing a situation.  There will always be exceptions to the rule, but in most cases a puppy is just being a puppy and most love teething on your arms and legs, are going to react when a child runs by, and have meltdowns periodically when they are tired.  There is no need to start rolling them on their backs to show them who is boss and sometimes, a simple time out in a crate will go a long way in giving everyone a break and a time to regroup.  Consistency, calmness, and common sense, are just as important for our dogs as the three R’s are to a child’s education. 

 

John would laugh if he heard me preaching about consistency, because he attributes 90% of our dog’s bad manners to me. His word for my training method would be contradictory, to which I say, “well, maybe, that might be an accurate estimate.” See what I did there?  Who’s the alpha now?

[Stella]

Love this blog, and heartily agree with Karens reply (not the alfalfa one!!).

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Okay, now somebody has to Photoshop "Alfalfa Laurie" 

[Becka]

or my alfalfa. one of the two, for sure :)

[Becka]

You, Laurie. You are my alpha!

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Great blog, Laurie. I so agree. I think that most people who use the word "Alpha" as it relates to dogs, and especially those who are new to dog ownership, have no idea what "alpha" really means or what being an alpha really looks like. It really isn't about forcefulness or overt dominance, it's about confidence and leadership. In fact, I think "confidence" needs to be the fourth "C". True alphas, whether dog or human, rarely use physical force. 

[F, Calla & Luca]

I am so happy you approve of my new habit of beating my chest while proclaiming that I am the pack leader. But I only was able to use common sense when the last woodchuck episode occurred. I forgot all about calm when I started shrieking. At least I remembered the emergency leashes and if schlepping dogs in the house counts I get consistency too. Loved the blog.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thank you, Leslie!! Think of all the money saved in diapers if we could train our kids that quickly!

[Leslie, Yogi & Maci Bear]

Great way to start my day. Thanks Laurie!

Nice blog, I do hate to see when dog owners are talking about flipping, flicking, smacking.

These are puppies that just want to please, they just need to know what to do.  They are born

puppies, not babies.   Sometimes when I think about it, I'm amazed what a dog can learn by

4-5 months old.  I'd like to a human potty trained by that age ;-))