Why I Haven't Been Around Much

[Nancie & Gracie Doodle]

To all my Doodle friends I just want you all to know how much of an emotional escape Doodle Kisses has been for me the last almost three weeks.  You have no idea how much it helped me get through some bad times by just taking a few minutes to read all the comments.

 

My mother would have been 90 this September.  Over the last 5 years she developed Type 2 Diabetes, Dementia, could not walk and became incontinent.  We had three wonderful girls who took care of her in her home just three blocks from my house.  The Dementia made my mother mean and nasty and hateful to those who loved her and that in itself was very hard for me because she was my best friend and the last 5 years she was not the same woman.  Also, I lost the ability to talk to her, cry on her shoulder or just vent.  She just was incapable of any love, feeling or conversation unless it was complaining about herself and how she wanted to drive her car, get all these "people" out of her house and she wanted me to give her back her check book!!!  No way...she didn't have a clue what she was doing and eventually could no longer even hold a pen or sign her name.  She didn't know who I was half the time and when she did she would kick me out of her house.  Thank God for my Gracie Doodle.  She is what has kept me sane all these years!  With the help of DH and our two kids.  So, I was in Boston three weeks ago for Mother's Day with my son and grandchildren.  We flew all day back to San Diego on Monday, turned on our phones at the airport and had a message from one of the caregivers.  She didn't know what to do but my mother was acting strangely.  We told her to call 911, took a cab home, dropped off our luggage and drove up to the hospital.  On Thursday the doctor finally did a Cat Scan and said she had had a stroke in the Pons area of the brain.  She could not speak or swallow and was paralyzed.  Only thing to be done was to insert a feeding tube into her stomach for the rest of her life.  My Power of Attorney said no heroic measures and no life support.  Also, what we were seeing in the hospital was the best she would ever get and it was not a good quality of life.  So I had to make the decision to take her off all life support and bring her home to die.  We called Hospice and they transitioned us to home and trained my three caregivers as to what to do and about the morphine.  After that, the watch was on! I have to say that this is the most painful thing a person could ever go through.  I would so much rather a heart attack or stroke where you are gone instantly.  Our lives have been on hold and it is hard to know what day of the week it is.  It took her 16 days to die without water or food.  She died yesterday morning at 9:24 AM in our family home where I grew up and was surrounded with all her family but my son and grandchildren.  They are in Boston and we couldn't keep them out here for two weeks with the kids in school and things.  My son did swing through San Diego by detouring his business trip to the West Coast to see her so they did get to say good bye.  My mother still had her eye sight and hearing for those two weeks and so she knew who was here.  My son is again arriving in a few hours (after the fact) but he needs to for himself.  My daughter drove down from San Jose with her husband and dog over a week ago and she and Luna have stayed on.  We flew her husband back to work but flew him back down last night.  So, I will have both of my children here tonight through the weekend which will be nice. 

 

I hope to get back active to DK soon.  There are still things to be done.  We have a reverse mortgage on her house and now need to empty out 55 years of stuff and memories so we can do some remodeling and put it on the market.  We have one year to pay back the RM from the time she vacates the home.  Lots of sadness, memories and laughing are soon to come as I go through pictures and momentos. 

 

So I just wanted you all to know how much DoodleKisses means to me and how it is my "go to" place when I am sad, lonely or just want to feel like I belong somewhere.  I thank you all for being such wonderful friends.

 

Nancie and Gracie Doodle

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this most difficult time.  I've been down  the Alzheimers/dementia path a couple times now so I can very much relate to what your life has been like.  Please don't forget to take care of yourself and know we are all here for you.

[Bonnie and Kona]

Dear Nancie,

I am so very sorry for the pain you have been through and your loss. Thank you for sharing this with us. I hope you will find comfort and peace. You are in my prayers.

 

[Lynn D.]

I am so sorry for your loss. I have experience with Alzheimer's/Dementia care and have seen all it does to families (not just the patient). I also, have a family member who has Vascular Dementia. It is very hard when the person with dementia becomes mean and hostile towards family. FYI, it is usually the primary caregiver or family they are the closest too.

I am sure I am not explaining this as well as I should but the feelings of love and hate get mixed up in the brain of someone with dementia. When they mean to express love, it often comes out as hate. But what they really hate is the dementia and what it has done to them.

All my best to you Nancie and your family. If you ever have any questions or just want to talk, feel free to messege me anytime.

[Anna and Achilles]

Nancie, I am so sorry for all you have been through. It is very tough for me to read your post. I went through the exact same thing a year and a half ago with my mom. We should chat. the next couple of weeks will be hard, hell the next year will be. No one tells you that. Remember to take care of yourself and let people help you. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Try to remember her the way she was before the dementia. Take it one day at a time. It does get better.

[Kyoko]

My deepest sympathy and prayer for you and your family.....

[F, Calla & Luca]

Nancie, as you know I understand what you have been and are going through.  It is hard now but I hope eventually you remember mostly the good times with your mom and not these years when that awful disease changed her so much.  Thinking of you and I'm glad you have a good family support system.

[Dori & Rua]

Oh Nancie....so very sorry for the loss of your mother and the memory of who she was.  Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.  May you find the strength to get thru each day.

[Suzann, Rosey & Bandit]

Nancie,  I am so sorry for your loss of your dear mom.  Bless you for all that you did in the last 5 years to give her as much comfort and peace as you could.   I am so glad you have your kids there with you this weekend to help you get through this.  And I am sure Gracie is helping out too with all her doodle hugs and kiss...  Hugs and prayers coming your way from all of us:)

[Linda, Webber and Seda]

Dear Nancie,   I am so proud of you for deciding against the feeding tube.  I know what those 16 days were like and you have great courage.  I suspect you actually lost your Mom five years ago, for all intents and purposes, but that doesn't change how bad it feels when she is actually gone.  I am sorry for your loss, and glad that your children are with you. Please know that I am thinking of you and praying that you will have some peace with her passing.  Hug Gracie Doodle over and over again.  XOXO

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Nancie, we will be here to support you during this time, especially if you need to vent.