Having to possible give up puppy...long post

[Nicole L]

Our Buddy is 7 months old.  He is a very active but sweet dog.  We live in Atlanta with our 3 kids, ages 9, 7 and nearly 3.  Hubby never really wanted the dog but said yes for me and the kids.  It has been very challenging to go through the past 5 months with our little guy.  I felt so guilty with all the time he was in the crate when I was tending to the toddler or away at the school with my other kids.  I got so frustrated when house training took so long.  I got upset when the kids forgot to pick up their toys and the puppy ate them.  I got angry when the 2 year old would hit the dog with his tractors and think it was funny.  Buddy never showed any aggression towards him and that is what makes this so hard.   I want to just love and cuddle this puppy, but just find myself mostly frustrated with my kids, frustrated with him and all the extra work and stressed that he is stressing my husband out (not to mention the holes he digs in the yard...my husbands pride).  I know it would be a lot of hard work to get a puppy, maybe I was just fooling myself that I could be superwomen??  Summer is now here, and we are in Wisconsin with family in out in the country.  The puppy gets to run like he never does at home.  There are 3 other doodles on the road for him to play with.  We have a family member that has offered to buy him from us.  Hubby is very happy to "recoup" some of his cost and eliminate this one stress from our lives.  I am so torn.  I look at his cute little doodle puppy face and burst into tears.  But then when I really think about it, am I being selfish because I don't truely have the time to give him that he deserves and know that this family would.  Their kids are grown and gone and they have always had a golden retriever, but their last one has since passed.  I know I will be breaking my kids hearts, but I am trying to explain to my oldest why it would be best.  We would get to visit him every summer when we come up to Wisconsin, so he wouldn't be completely gone from our lives.  Oh, please help, I  just am so torn as to what I should be doing.

[Jane, Rooney & Stuart]

"Hubby is very happy to "recoup" some of his cost and eliminate this one stress from our lives."  Please GIVE this puppy to the family member that has offered it a better home.  This line says it all and I am saying that this puppy shouldn't be looked at as a "cost" - this is a family member that deserves way better than it is getting. 

[Sandy Aicher and Bailey]

Very well said Jane!!!  

 

[Bonnie and Kona]

Dear Nicole,

We have always had dogs but there was a time in our lives when my DH just did not want a dog. One had passed and a new one presented itself. I insisted I wanted this dog. The stress on our marriage was awful. Our children were 4 and 1 1/2. I was able to find a wonderful home for this dog after having him for almost two months. It was torture but the wisest thing. We got a dog a couple of years later and it was good for all of us. We've had dogs ever since and at times as many as 4. I hope you will be able to decide whatever is best for your family and the dog. You will be in my thoughts. Many blessings.

[Cathy w/Shiloh~Cody]

Do not beat yourself up-as an outsider it sounds like his new home would be perfect. You want

all family members on board, and the timing for him in your lives is not ideal. Please do not

regret your unselfish decision and let him go to the new better home for him.

[Lori]

I have to give you credit for writing to all of us Doodle Lovers for advice...very courageous! I do think you know in your heart the right decision - do what is best for the puppy...it also sounds like it would be best for you and your family as well. I can't imagine how hard it would be to do, but think of how HAPPY the puppy would be. I wish you the best and Buddy too, he deserves a great life. Who knows maybe in another few years will be the right time for your family to have a new best friend...

[Nicole L]

This decision has been terribly difficult on me and I really appreciate everyones kind words.  The grandparents have offered to take him and that is the best decision for me, however my husband wants to sell him to our other family members.  We would not, nor could not ever ask the grandparents to pay for him.  In the end my husband is the one working and the one who feels the most finically responsible for all of us and I completely understand where he is coming from.  I know he looks at it as a business decision since he has never been attached to the dog.  With either family the dog would have a fantastic life, so that isn't an issue.  For me, if Buddy is with my parents, I know me and the kids would see him a lot more.  But then, I don't know if that would just be hard on us or not.  For my husband, there is the only one choice and he says he can't gift someone something so expensive.

[Bonnie and Kona]

If you are going to let this puppy go, do you think it would be helpful for your relationship with your husband to sell the dog to the family members willing to love an care for him? The reality is that once you let the dog go to another family he will no longer be yours and the focus needs to be on your family for a period of time. Even if you give him to the grandparents he will not be your dog and you will not have the attachment that you have when he is living with you. I'm sorry this is so complicated.

[Sorana, Darwin and Chance]

I would try reasoning with him further.  If he's thinking from a purely monetary perspective, then you can argue the following: (1) vet bills, grooming, training, toys, treats all have a big cost, and they can add up quite a bit.  In a few years you might spend the purchase price all over again in those consumables.  Therefore, (2) by giving the puppy away you would be recovering the purchase cost anyway.  You are also saving yourselves time and stress, and how much is that worth?  Finally, I would argue that giving the puppy to your grandparents would mean you still have lots of access to him - so (3) that's a part time puppy for free!  Lots of monetary benefit in this decision, if that's all he's looking at.

[shelly]

Nicole - I think you are very brave and UNselfish to post this HERE in front of all of us Doodle fanatics...  The 'cost' of the stress and your children's disappointment  can not be measured in dollars...sometimes we have to just take the loss... the grandparents sound like the best decision for all involved - you can tell your kids that just like their grandparents are family and live in another house, so will Buddy.... tell your husband to think of it as a "SAVINGS"... if you would have your way - and kept the dog, he would be spending MUCH more (in dollars) on food, vet bills, etc with the dog living 'free of cost' with grandma and grandpa. ALSO, I hear that you are weary with the 'paying for the dog' idea... is it because you don't work outside your home?  Think of it this way....if you put a salary on what YOU do at home and with your children, it would be WAY more than the cost of any doodle.... you have more than 'worked off' the money spent on Buddy!  Sometimes "the all mighty dollar' is not always TANGIBLE!   Good luck!  I hope you find some peace with all of this!

[BG and Gavin]

What an agonizing position you are in.  It sounds like you have already made the decision.  And it sounds like you are doing what's best for you and the puppy.  I hope that you find peace quicky in this situation.  It's always tough when your partner is not on the same  page.

[Lynda Kamrath]

Good luck!  I know you will make the best decision for all of you.  It is great that you have some possibilities that will work out well for the dog also.  Your 9-yr-old child will be able to understand that it is a lot of responsibility to have a pet and you are the one who has been most responsible for the puppy.  I hope everything works out for all of you.

[Carla, Lucca and Izzy]

It sounds like the decision has already been made. It may be hard for awhile but Buddy will be in a good place. We didn't get our first dog until my 3 kids were 12, 10, and 3. The older ones took alot of the responsibility for Mia, our Golden Retriever. I wouldn't have done it if they were any younger. When she passed 14 years later and we got Lucca I had commented that I really don't remember a lot of the training part with our golden because she was with my boys so much. You were brave to try to do it "all" but you have had a reality check. Whatever decision you make will be best for all of you.