The Vacation From "HELL"

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I'm posting this as a discussion rather than a blog because I really am looking for some input and suggestions.  Parts of our experience are actually pretty funny, but much of it is concerning.  Two weeks ago today we loaded up the two cars with "beach stuff" and headed out to the house we rent in the Summer at the shore.  We've been doing this our whole married lives, and our kids and grandkids join us and LOVE IT.  Usually it is wonderful family time....but this year not so much.  Dogs are welcome on the beach...they can be unleashed in the early morning and late afternoon and evening to swim and romp together.  Sounds perfect, right?  It actually was great for Guinness, but Big Murph came as close to a nervous breakdown as I think a dog can.  He was paranoid from the time we entered the beach house....smelling, pacing, running to the porch to "guard" his territory.  This house is literally right on the ocean, so there are always lots of people right in front of our porch...and dogs, and noisy seagulls, and boats, oh and the ice cream man who rings the bells several times a day.  All this was too much for Murph.  He guarded, and he barked, and he growled, and he barked some more, and then he paced and jumped at the screen....over and over for two weeks.  Here he is "on patrol" with Guinness....

You'll notice that Guinness has to stand on the picnic table to see out..it was his favorite spot.  Our DDs were totally disgusted with this.  They insisted on cleaning with antibacterial spray before allowing the kids to sit there with food.  That seems a bit excessive to me....I pushed the table cloth to the side while Guinness was up there...what more can they want.

Anyway, it all started on the first day.  My brother also rents a house  at the same time, and he comes with his family so all the cousins can be together.  He has a very sweet yellow lab, and he brought her over to our house for a little "visit" with our boys.  The minute Murph saw Maddy come through the door he went berserk.  He "herded" her into the corner barking and lunging the whole time.  He scared her so badly that she started to shake, cry and then peed.  She was actually cowering.  So I grabbed Murph as quickly as I could and he took Maddy home.  She didn't eat for the next three days.  Murph never showed any teeth, but it was the worst display of dominance I've ever seen from him.  Needless to say, we never put them together again.  I have no idea what brought this about...Maddy is a very submissive and calm dog who should not have been threatening to Murph.  He continued to react to every dog he saw on the beach.  I worked with him every day, correcting when he would start to bark and lunge and then rewarding when he stopped.  It would work for a while, but the next day we would have to start all over. 

Then there were the kids.  All six grandchildren were with us the first week.  We had a "house full" which I know because at any given meal I was usually cooking for 20.  That's a story in itself.  Have you ever tried cooking burgers for twenty (and they eat multiple burgers at any given meal) when they're shouting out while I'm sweating over the grill "I want medium...pink but definitely NOT rare"...or "make mine really well done".  Oh yes, there were many special orders.  All this with crazy Big Murph tethered to me.  Murph was fine with the big kids, but he did not like the little ones AT ALL.  We had a very frightening incident (also the first day) where the 18 month old went over to pet him, and he snapped at him.  No teeth, but clearly a strong warning.  Now there's no way to explain to a toddler that he needs to avoid the dog, so the entire rest of the time, Murph was leashed with me or DH holding him.  There was no way he could be trusted around the kids.  Our daughters were not happy, and they clearly don't understand why we would want to keep a dog who is this unreliable.  They managed to share with everyone that "their Mom loved Murph more than her own grandkids".  Now that just hurts.  They love to point out that we've spent a small fortune on training, and Murph is still "wacky"...their word, not mine.

I could go on and on with the stories, but this is already long enough.  I've been reading trying to understand what is going on with Murphy.  He is so sweet with us, so how can his whole temperament change like we saw these past two weeks?  Is it just genetics, or was he not appropriately socialized in those early weeks? I read where a "traumatic" event in the early weeks can cause problems that emerge later...maybe it's that.  Because he's a rescue, I really don't know about his parents.   I did have his thyroid checked, so I know it's not that...but is there some other hormonal cause?  My trainer has been on vacation and won't be back until Thursday, so I'll be interested in his thoughts.  Needless to say, this is all very difficult.  I love Murph so much, and he will always be with me.  I could never, ever consider any other option.  I just hope and pray that eventually we can get to the root of his problems, for his sake as much as ours.  Poor Guinness seems to get really scared during Murph's "outbursts".  He usually finds a place to just hide.  Here's his "safe place" at the beach....he spent a lot of time sitting on this basket.

So that's it.  If anyone has any thoughts or insights about what may be happening with Murph, I would love to hear them.  I'm feeling pretty "lost" right now.  I just want to do what's best for this guy, but I don't really know what that is.

 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

F, You just had to throw that cruise reference in, didn't you?? I think that sounds like a great idea about just you three and two dogs in one house and maybe it could be further off the beaten path.

[Lynda Kamrath]

Maybe instead of stressed, you might consider Murphy overstimulated.  He just didn't know what was expected of him or how he was supposed to behave.  It sounds like you might have been stressed and he was picking up on that and didn't know how to behave.  You might try taking him on shorter excursions, even the beach, when nobody else is around.  IT is just too much for him with the new environment, all the kids, etc.  I wouldn't take him on another family vacation with all the family around as it is too hard for both of you.  Someone else suggested monthly boarding so he gets used to the boarding facility and knows you will be back for him.  Guiness is pretty smart to just hide out.  Don't you just wish you could have done the same thing?  Maybe inviting smaller groups to your home where Murphy is comfortable would be a good experience for him too.  But I really think it was a case of overstimulation.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

You make a great point, Lynda.  I do think Murph was faced with new things and he really had no clue HOW to react.  He is such a creature of habit....that's what gives him his security.

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Jane, I am so sorry you had a rough vacation, I am sure there were moments of happiness in there as well but the negative is seeping through.

I am sure you want Murphy to be with you but probably he would be better at home when you take this trip next time. If you have a care giver you trust it will be best for both of you.

And even though we know your DD's love you and probably Murphy too they were not very nice....seems to me that you take on an awful lot from grown kids (hey we all do it) but we are on the outside looking in. I hope they they come around and help next time instead of hindering.

The beach really does look beautiful....you deserve to relax. And I like the idea of you and your little family do a week on your own, Murphy included, if that is feasible.

Our old dog Zach was reactive that way, in the end we had to leave him behind. He was a wonderful dog and guess what, he didn't care we were on vacation, he was just fine and soooooo happy when we got back. I don't think dogs can relate to time.

You are such a good doodle mom, I am sure you are just as good at being a Mom and Grandma.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Thank you, Lisa, and you do make some great points.  We'll never do this beach vacation the same way again.  In the meantime, I need to keep working with Murph.

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

Oh and Guinness here on the basket - so friggen cute!

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I'll second that!

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

Oh, and Jane here is a article you can share (or not!) with your DD's...might give them a different perspective on the affects of dogs and germs on children...

 

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=116852&page=1

[F, Calla & Luca]

Amen.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Love it Ricki....I'll be forwarding it to them.

[Christine & Camus]

It sounds like you could use a quiet, non-stimulating, relaxing vacation, to recoup from your vacation! 

I totally agree with Karen's advice to get him out and about with people, big and little, crowds, etc.  My Camus is a very sensitive doodle, but his sensitivities present as fearful.  In the beginning he was hyper alert, head constantly turning to all sights and sounds, pulling away from anyone who tried to pet him, running out the dog door to hide on the patio whenever anyone came to visit, and more.  That being said - he has improved immensely, but I have to be diligent with what I call his therapy.  Desensitizing him was a must.  I adopted Camus when he was ~ a year old, so like Murph I do not know anything about how he was treated in the beginning.  He has been with me for a year now and is a happy, wonderful doodle.  I don't think he will ever fully trust adults, but he now loves children and after many months he has learned how to and loves to play with dogs of all sizes.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Thank you Christine....it sounds like you've done a great job with Camus.  It's a big plus that he loves children...that is actually my biggest worry with Murph.  I'd love to hear more about your "therapy".  I'll send you a PM.