The Vacation From "HELL"

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I'm posting this as a discussion rather than a blog because I really am looking for some input and suggestions.  Parts of our experience are actually pretty funny, but much of it is concerning.  Two weeks ago today we loaded up the two cars with "beach stuff" and headed out to the house we rent in the Summer at the shore.  We've been doing this our whole married lives, and our kids and grandkids join us and LOVE IT.  Usually it is wonderful family time....but this year not so much.  Dogs are welcome on the beach...they can be unleashed in the early morning and late afternoon and evening to swim and romp together.  Sounds perfect, right?  It actually was great for Guinness, but Big Murph came as close to a nervous breakdown as I think a dog can.  He was paranoid from the time we entered the beach house....smelling, pacing, running to the porch to "guard" his territory.  This house is literally right on the ocean, so there are always lots of people right in front of our porch...and dogs, and noisy seagulls, and boats, oh and the ice cream man who rings the bells several times a day.  All this was too much for Murph.  He guarded, and he barked, and he growled, and he barked some more, and then he paced and jumped at the screen....over and over for two weeks.  Here he is "on patrol" with Guinness....

You'll notice that Guinness has to stand on the picnic table to see out..it was his favorite spot.  Our DDs were totally disgusted with this.  They insisted on cleaning with antibacterial spray before allowing the kids to sit there with food.  That seems a bit excessive to me....I pushed the table cloth to the side while Guinness was up there...what more can they want.

Anyway, it all started on the first day.  My brother also rents a house  at the same time, and he comes with his family so all the cousins can be together.  He has a very sweet yellow lab, and he brought her over to our house for a little "visit" with our boys.  The minute Murph saw Maddy come through the door he went berserk.  He "herded" her into the corner barking and lunging the whole time.  He scared her so badly that she started to shake, cry and then peed.  She was actually cowering.  So I grabbed Murph as quickly as I could and he took Maddy home.  She didn't eat for the next three days.  Murph never showed any teeth, but it was the worst display of dominance I've ever seen from him.  Needless to say, we never put them together again.  I have no idea what brought this about...Maddy is a very submissive and calm dog who should not have been threatening to Murph.  He continued to react to every dog he saw on the beach.  I worked with him every day, correcting when he would start to bark and lunge and then rewarding when he stopped.  It would work for a while, but the next day we would have to start all over. 

Then there were the kids.  All six grandchildren were with us the first week.  We had a "house full" which I know because at any given meal I was usually cooking for 20.  That's a story in itself.  Have you ever tried cooking burgers for twenty (and they eat multiple burgers at any given meal) when they're shouting out while I'm sweating over the grill "I want medium...pink but definitely NOT rare"...or "make mine really well done".  Oh yes, there were many special orders.  All this with crazy Big Murph tethered to me.  Murph was fine with the big kids, but he did not like the little ones AT ALL.  We had a very frightening incident (also the first day) where the 18 month old went over to pet him, and he snapped at him.  No teeth, but clearly a strong warning.  Now there's no way to explain to a toddler that he needs to avoid the dog, so the entire rest of the time, Murph was leashed with me or DH holding him.  There was no way he could be trusted around the kids.  Our daughters were not happy, and they clearly don't understand why we would want to keep a dog who is this unreliable.  They managed to share with everyone that "their Mom loved Murph more than her own grandkids".  Now that just hurts.  They love to point out that we've spent a small fortune on training, and Murph is still "wacky"...their word, not mine.

I could go on and on with the stories, but this is already long enough.  I've been reading trying to understand what is going on with Murphy.  He is so sweet with us, so how can his whole temperament change like we saw these past two weeks?  Is it just genetics, or was he not appropriately socialized in those early weeks? I read where a "traumatic" event in the early weeks can cause problems that emerge later...maybe it's that.  Because he's a rescue, I really don't know about his parents.   I did have his thyroid checked, so I know it's not that...but is there some other hormonal cause?  My trainer has been on vacation and won't be back until Thursday, so I'll be interested in his thoughts.  Needless to say, this is all very difficult.  I love Murph so much, and he will always be with me.  I could never, ever consider any other option.  I just hope and pray that eventually we can get to the root of his problems, for his sake as much as ours.  Poor Guinness seems to get really scared during Murph's "outbursts".  He usually finds a place to just hide.  Here's his "safe place" at the beach....he spent a lot of time sitting on this basket.

So that's it.  If anyone has any thoughts or insights about what may be happening with Murph, I would love to hear them.  I'm feeling pretty "lost" right now.  I just want to do what's best for this guy, but I don't really know what that is.

 

[Christine & Camus]

I am more than happy to share.

[Bonnie and Kona]

Jane, This vacation does sound like a nightmare. I am so sorry. I hope you get some really concrete and helpful answers from your trainer. I hope you are able to relax this weekend and put all of the stress behind you! Hugs and kisses to you and the boys from me and my boys.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Thanks so much, Bonnie.

[Nicky, Riley & Boris]

Looking at all the comments and reviewing them all I think that Murph simply reflected what was going on.  Put simply it was overload and the poor Doodle reacted in the only way he knew how.  He has probably taught us all a valuable lesson.  Us women tend to take on too much and try to be all things to our families.   I think the two Beach House idea is definitely a runner and the only way to go for next year.  Everyone will be calmer and happier.  Thank you Jane for sharing this with us.  I hope you are feeling a whole lot calmer now and that you will resolve the issues with your family so everyone has a brilliant holiday next time round.

[Stella]

I have two LDs and they are at oppsite ends of the beahvioural spectrum.  My F1 LD is a relaxed type of guy, he gets along with almost every dog he meets, and he will sleep anywhere as long as he has his blanket and we are there with him.  My multi-gen is just like Murph - hyper sensitive to everything.  We have had him since he was 9 weeks old and got him from the same breeder as our F1 so  know he wasn't badly treated in any way.  We have been through puppy classes, three levels of obediance training, and basic agility with him and we take the dogs everywhere that dogs are allowed to go.  As he has got older he has got worse, he is terrified of new people - at home he just about loses his mind barking and frantically running in circles if anyone comes over, on leash he cowers behind our legs.  New dogs, forget it, he is extremely reactive towards other dogs - barking, growling, snarling etc (fearful aggression).  When we were moving house we had to stay in a motel for a few nights and it was a nightmare.  Our F1 LD was cool and calm, happily sleeping on his blanket, while Chase was so distressed - he barked at every sound outside our motel door.  I was so worried we would get thrown out for all the noise he was making that I ended up sleeping on the floor with him to shut him up.  I think that some dogs are just made that way, just as some people are nervous types, so are some dogs.  Unfortunately, many dogs that are nervous are mistaken as being aggressive.

Your trip was probably just a bit too much for him - too much new stuff all at once.  I think that with time and gradual introductions to all parts of the experience rather than everything at once, he should get better.   But, it may be that he is never comfortable in certain situations. 

We have started a new technique with Chase regarding new people and new dogs and it is working!!  Our agility trainer suggested that we feed treats to Chase whenever he is being approached by a new person or a new dog, even if he is behaving badly - which we initially thought was rewarding bad behaviour.  So, whenever he has a new person or dog coming past him (we never allow introductions with other dogs for Chase) we feed him, as soon as they have passed and are moving away we stop feeding.  He comes to associate new people or dogs coming near him with the treats.... so new person/ new dog = pleasant experience and food!!  We don't let other people touch him yet (he will cower away if they try), but he gets rewarded if he approaches or tries to sniff them.  He is making amazing progress with this technique.  We were recently able to take him to a (small) agility competition and have him around all the dogs there without any negative outcomes - a huge milestone for us!!  I don't think he'll ever be happy to greet a strange dog, but if we can get him comfortable just with other dogs around him I will be happy.

I am sending you and Guinness and Murph a big hug, and hopes for the future.  I know exactly how you are feeling as I have been there with Chase many times.

[Nicky, Riley & Boris]

It is so good to know that dogs can be helped and that Chase is making progress with this technique.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Oh thank you so much for this posting.  So, there is hope!  I guess I had a "dream" that the boys would have a blast at the beach, running, swimming and playing with the other dogs and kids.  Guinness did, but for Murph it was just a frightening nightmare.  I need to let go of that dream for Murph and create a new (more realistic) one.  I've done this before when I had my Down Syndrome son, so this should be a "piece of cake".  Right?  I should be happy that Murphy has done so well with his training in controlled situations....this was just too much too soon.  Maybe he'll never be the kind of dog that can just love doing "dog stuff".  I need to learn how to be fine with that.  This is all helping me to understand that I'm really the one who has to change.

[DeeDee and Sheila]

Very good and considerate of you.  I didn't even need to post.  I had to adjust expections also with Lauren.  So I think YOU WILL be better at adjusting to the situation in a good way for everyone.  I'm just deciding that I cant take the chance on the cruise, I know myself, and I know I would get motion sick, anxious and might spoil the trip for whoever would go with me.  My deaf daughter would love to go.  But I am going to find some other fun trip for the family to go on.  Not ideal, but unfortunately more realistic.  I HATE disappointments.  Going in for yet another surgery on Wed. Oy!

[DeeDee and Sheila]

Very good idea, Stella.  My mini ALD has ALWAYS been shy.  I am going to try this technique when people come to the door also.  And I've taken her everywhere since she was a baby.  I don't want it to get worse, though.  So I'm going to try your idea.

[DeeDee and Sheila]

My lab rescue was EXACTLY LIKE THIS.  We had her on doggie antidepressants and they worked well.  But the minute we moved and she was in different circumstances, she changed.  I worked and worked w/ her.  It was heartbreaking.

I have to admit I love hearing about your vacas.  Jane, you are a JEWEL.  I mean it.  I'm surprised you didn't have to go to ER for some xanax.  The burger thing is just a hoot.  Could you send me a slider here in IL, just cooked will do.

Now when you think about this, I think Murphy would be happier in a place that he knows, like his usual boarding kennel.  I hate to say this and please don't get mad at me, ok?  He is being set up for failure in the midst of this.  He wasn't born to it like Guinness was.  Honestly, I don't think very many PEOPLE could survive this if they were not born into a big, rabble rousing home.  Murphy was telling you every which way that this is not for him.  Hey, we're all different, right?  

I'd like to be able to walk 5 mi. every day, but with my feet I JUST CANT.  I've tried EVERYTHING and I just can't go thru the pain anymore.  I am disappointed, but a fact of life.

The only other thing would be heavy tranquilizers and they sometimes make the dog more unpredictable.

I'm so sorry.  I just have to stick up for poor anxiety ridden Muph.  If a solution CAN be found I iknow YOU will find it.  And I really hope you can.  But I ended up having to put Sunny down over something like this and that is BEYOND WORDS HORRIBLE.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

DeeDee, of course I would never be mad at you.  I do think you're right....this was definitely NOT for Murphy. Quite honestly though, I didn't expect this from him at all.  He had been doing so well with all of his training, but I guess this was a whole different thing.  Love your ER comment....may have been a good idea. LOL

[DeeDee and Sheila]

Oh, and Guinness lording it that HE is such a good boy!!!! Love it.