The Vacation From "HELL"

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I'm posting this as a discussion rather than a blog because I really am looking for some input and suggestions.  Parts of our experience are actually pretty funny, but much of it is concerning.  Two weeks ago today we loaded up the two cars with "beach stuff" and headed out to the house we rent in the Summer at the shore.  We've been doing this our whole married lives, and our kids and grandkids join us and LOVE IT.  Usually it is wonderful family time....but this year not so much.  Dogs are welcome on the beach...they can be unleashed in the early morning and late afternoon and evening to swim and romp together.  Sounds perfect, right?  It actually was great for Guinness, but Big Murph came as close to a nervous breakdown as I think a dog can.  He was paranoid from the time we entered the beach house....smelling, pacing, running to the porch to "guard" his territory.  This house is literally right on the ocean, so there are always lots of people right in front of our porch...and dogs, and noisy seagulls, and boats, oh and the ice cream man who rings the bells several times a day.  All this was too much for Murph.  He guarded, and he barked, and he growled, and he barked some more, and then he paced and jumped at the screen....over and over for two weeks.  Here he is "on patrol" with Guinness....

You'll notice that Guinness has to stand on the picnic table to see out..it was his favorite spot.  Our DDs were totally disgusted with this.  They insisted on cleaning with antibacterial spray before allowing the kids to sit there with food.  That seems a bit excessive to me....I pushed the table cloth to the side while Guinness was up there...what more can they want.

Anyway, it all started on the first day.  My brother also rents a house  at the same time, and he comes with his family so all the cousins can be together.  He has a very sweet yellow lab, and he brought her over to our house for a little "visit" with our boys.  The minute Murph saw Maddy come through the door he went berserk.  He "herded" her into the corner barking and lunging the whole time.  He scared her so badly that she started to shake, cry and then peed.  She was actually cowering.  So I grabbed Murph as quickly as I could and he took Maddy home.  She didn't eat for the next three days.  Murph never showed any teeth, but it was the worst display of dominance I've ever seen from him.  Needless to say, we never put them together again.  I have no idea what brought this about...Maddy is a very submissive and calm dog who should not have been threatening to Murph.  He continued to react to every dog he saw on the beach.  I worked with him every day, correcting when he would start to bark and lunge and then rewarding when he stopped.  It would work for a while, but the next day we would have to start all over. 

Then there were the kids.  All six grandchildren were with us the first week.  We had a "house full" which I know because at any given meal I was usually cooking for 20.  That's a story in itself.  Have you ever tried cooking burgers for twenty (and they eat multiple burgers at any given meal) when they're shouting out while I'm sweating over the grill "I want medium...pink but definitely NOT rare"...or "make mine really well done".  Oh yes, there were many special orders.  All this with crazy Big Murph tethered to me.  Murph was fine with the big kids, but he did not like the little ones AT ALL.  We had a very frightening incident (also the first day) where the 18 month old went over to pet him, and he snapped at him.  No teeth, but clearly a strong warning.  Now there's no way to explain to a toddler that he needs to avoid the dog, so the entire rest of the time, Murph was leashed with me or DH holding him.  There was no way he could be trusted around the kids.  Our daughters were not happy, and they clearly don't understand why we would want to keep a dog who is this unreliable.  They managed to share with everyone that "their Mom loved Murph more than her own grandkids".  Now that just hurts.  They love to point out that we've spent a small fortune on training, and Murph is still "wacky"...their word, not mine.

I could go on and on with the stories, but this is already long enough.  I've been reading trying to understand what is going on with Murphy.  He is so sweet with us, so how can his whole temperament change like we saw these past two weeks?  Is it just genetics, or was he not appropriately socialized in those early weeks? I read where a "traumatic" event in the early weeks can cause problems that emerge later...maybe it's that.  Because he's a rescue, I really don't know about his parents.   I did have his thyroid checked, so I know it's not that...but is there some other hormonal cause?  My trainer has been on vacation and won't be back until Thursday, so I'll be interested in his thoughts.  Needless to say, this is all very difficult.  I love Murph so much, and he will always be with me.  I could never, ever consider any other option.  I just hope and pray that eventually we can get to the root of his problems, for his sake as much as ours.  Poor Guinness seems to get really scared during Murph's "outbursts".  He usually finds a place to just hide.  Here's his "safe place" at the beach....he spent a lot of time sitting on this basket.

So that's it.  If anyone has any thoughts or insights about what may be happening with Murph, I would love to hear them.  I'm feeling pretty "lost" right now.  I just want to do what's best for this guy, but I don't really know what that is.

 

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

Wow Nancy, Nicely written!   No other words but, perfect.

[Melody & Bruin]

I agree with Joanne!  Nicely written Nancy!! 

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Wow Nancy, thank you so much for this comment!  You are so right that the rest of the family will just assume that I'm going to "do it all" until I "put on my big girl pants" (Jane of Rooney and Stuart's saying) and just put a stop to it.  That's a really tough thing for me to do for some reason....always has been.  I allowed myself to feel really torn between Murph's needs and the expectations of the family.  All your suggestions make sense to me...and there will NEVER be another vacation like this again.  I'm definitely feeling better today...I've been so discouraged.  I need to talk to Ben on Thursday and then get back to work with Murph.  Thanks again!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I love this, Nancy!

[F.J. ~ Spud's Buddy]

Hi Jane I have A question  How does he act if you have all these people at your house say for a holiday . Is it just on vacation ? Ive watched your training videos and I am in awe of what you have done

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

He's still nervous around the little kids, but he'll usually just go upstairs to get away from it all...and I've never seen him snap like this before.  He does totally fine with adults visiting our house, although he's nowhere near as affectionate with them as Guinness.  Thanks for your comments on the training videos.  Murph is clearly a situational learner, and he has come so far now in other settings.

[Kyoko]

You know, I was thinking that may be the people who rented that house before you guys had a dog ( dogs ) and murph can smell it(them) and got him all worked up..... I thought this since he ahs been to the beach before with everyone and he was fine....

By the way what a beautiful place!! I love the beach house!!

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

That is possible Kyoko....there are lots of dogs at the beach so it's a good possibility.  I'm still surprised that even if that were true it would cause this significant of a reaction.

 

[Mimi Linna, Lilly and Lolly]

hi, I was just thinking about your daughters and communicating about your expectations about the next family vacation. After you recoup from this vacation.. can you get a massage and a me spa afternoon?  Write them notes and let them know that you were exhusted after this vacation and ask them to come up with a plan for next year. Tell them that you can no longer be all to everyone.Tell them to get together and come up with a plan and let you know what they decide about cooking/cleaning..etc.. step back and let them do it. it won't be easy if you have always done everything for everyone.It is time for the next generation to take over and for mom to enjoy the grandkids and sit ack and watch. I would not do the separate houses because part of the fun and memories is having everyone together..but the is just me. sounds like you have gotten great advice for murph from caring people.. 

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

If I cook, hug the children, be courteous to the adults, not sit on top the tables, will you take me to the shore next time?
No Carnival Cruises for this girl, but I thrive in sand castles and sea shells!
We all love you, Jane. We All Love Our Murphy. Glad to have you home here on DK.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Of course you can come....and you don't even have to be courteous to the adults!  There are lots of shells and plenty of sand....actually I think most of the sand was in our house judging by what we swept up each night after the kids went to bed.  Murph says he loves you guys too....and he thanks you all for talking his Mom "off the ledge".

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

I don't know... Spud does sleep on the patio table. He does.  We will pack the dog table and head up--yeah, that will work