The Vacation From "HELL"

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I'm posting this as a discussion rather than a blog because I really am looking for some input and suggestions.  Parts of our experience are actually pretty funny, but much of it is concerning.  Two weeks ago today we loaded up the two cars with "beach stuff" and headed out to the house we rent in the Summer at the shore.  We've been doing this our whole married lives, and our kids and grandkids join us and LOVE IT.  Usually it is wonderful family time....but this year not so much.  Dogs are welcome on the beach...they can be unleashed in the early morning and late afternoon and evening to swim and romp together.  Sounds perfect, right?  It actually was great for Guinness, but Big Murph came as close to a nervous breakdown as I think a dog can.  He was paranoid from the time we entered the beach house....smelling, pacing, running to the porch to "guard" his territory.  This house is literally right on the ocean, so there are always lots of people right in front of our porch...and dogs, and noisy seagulls, and boats, oh and the ice cream man who rings the bells several times a day.  All this was too much for Murph.  He guarded, and he barked, and he growled, and he barked some more, and then he paced and jumped at the screen....over and over for two weeks.  Here he is "on patrol" with Guinness....

You'll notice that Guinness has to stand on the picnic table to see out..it was his favorite spot.  Our DDs were totally disgusted with this.  They insisted on cleaning with antibacterial spray before allowing the kids to sit there with food.  That seems a bit excessive to me....I pushed the table cloth to the side while Guinness was up there...what more can they want.

Anyway, it all started on the first day.  My brother also rents a house  at the same time, and he comes with his family so all the cousins can be together.  He has a very sweet yellow lab, and he brought her over to our house for a little "visit" with our boys.  The minute Murph saw Maddy come through the door he went berserk.  He "herded" her into the corner barking and lunging the whole time.  He scared her so badly that she started to shake, cry and then peed.  She was actually cowering.  So I grabbed Murph as quickly as I could and he took Maddy home.  She didn't eat for the next three days.  Murph never showed any teeth, but it was the worst display of dominance I've ever seen from him.  Needless to say, we never put them together again.  I have no idea what brought this about...Maddy is a very submissive and calm dog who should not have been threatening to Murph.  He continued to react to every dog he saw on the beach.  I worked with him every day, correcting when he would start to bark and lunge and then rewarding when he stopped.  It would work for a while, but the next day we would have to start all over. 

Then there were the kids.  All six grandchildren were with us the first week.  We had a "house full" which I know because at any given meal I was usually cooking for 20.  That's a story in itself.  Have you ever tried cooking burgers for twenty (and they eat multiple burgers at any given meal) when they're shouting out while I'm sweating over the grill "I want medium...pink but definitely NOT rare"...or "make mine really well done".  Oh yes, there were many special orders.  All this with crazy Big Murph tethered to me.  Murph was fine with the big kids, but he did not like the little ones AT ALL.  We had a very frightening incident (also the first day) where the 18 month old went over to pet him, and he snapped at him.  No teeth, but clearly a strong warning.  Now there's no way to explain to a toddler that he needs to avoid the dog, so the entire rest of the time, Murph was leashed with me or DH holding him.  There was no way he could be trusted around the kids.  Our daughters were not happy, and they clearly don't understand why we would want to keep a dog who is this unreliable.  They managed to share with everyone that "their Mom loved Murph more than her own grandkids".  Now that just hurts.  They love to point out that we've spent a small fortune on training, and Murph is still "wacky"...their word, not mine.

I could go on and on with the stories, but this is already long enough.  I've been reading trying to understand what is going on with Murphy.  He is so sweet with us, so how can his whole temperament change like we saw these past two weeks?  Is it just genetics, or was he not appropriately socialized in those early weeks? I read where a "traumatic" event in the early weeks can cause problems that emerge later...maybe it's that.  Because he's a rescue, I really don't know about his parents.   I did have his thyroid checked, so I know it's not that...but is there some other hormonal cause?  My trainer has been on vacation and won't be back until Thursday, so I'll be interested in his thoughts.  Needless to say, this is all very difficult.  I love Murph so much, and he will always be with me.  I could never, ever consider any other option.  I just hope and pray that eventually we can get to the root of his problems, for his sake as much as ours.  Poor Guinness seems to get really scared during Murph's "outbursts".  He usually finds a place to just hide.  Here's his "safe place" at the beach....he spent a lot of time sitting on this basket.

So that's it.  If anyone has any thoughts or insights about what may be happening with Murph, I would love to hear them.  I'm feeling pretty "lost" right now.  I just want to do what's best for this guy, but I don't really know what that is.

 

[BG and Gavin]

Your post brought tears to my eyes.  How terribly frustrating.  The show of non-support from your family must have been heart-breaking.  Although I do understand that their need to "protect" thier children can make for some pretty strong reactions.  So sad though.  I hope your trainer can help you and shed some light on why he behaved this way.  Best thoughts.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Thanks, BruceGirl.  I can't wait to talk to my trainer on Thursday, although I've been thinking a lot about this today, and I think we clearly should have handled things differently.

[Linda]

I have SO appreciated this discussion today as I can relate to many of the same issues you had with daughters and Murphy. It was comforting to read the comments your daughters made about you loving your dogs more than the grandchildren, etc. as I had heard the exact same words from one of my daughters this past month. It was the first time the family had been introduced to Fitz, our doodle rescue we brought into the family through the DRC last October. This year our daughters wanted to come 'home' rather than vacation at the beach as we have done the past two summers. As expected, it was very difficult for Fitz to have SEVEN new people in the house. Next year we've decided to rent a beach home, take Webster (our Labradoodle), and board Fitz. Even though I plan to continue to work on his fearfulness this next year, we agree that it will be best for ALL to give Fitz a little more time to adjust to being around so many people.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

It's so amazing to me how many others have experienced the same thing.  You have my sympathy for what must have been a difficult "family visit".  I think you're making a good decision about next year.  Thanks so much for your post, Linda.

[Carol and Banjo]

Oh poor Jane......I'm so sorry you didn't get the vacation you soooooo deserve!!!     I wish I had some advice offer you but I'd be at a loss too if I were in your position.    You've given so much of yourself to both your dogs and especially Murphy (what a lucky doodle he is!!!).  I hope you don't feel too discouraged.  This is a bump in the road.   It sounds as though you're already on the way to finding some answers.   I love that you're planning to "simplify" your vacation in the future.   It is, after all, YOUR vacation too!      I hope that your trainer has some good, solid advice for you (so far he's been on the mark) and that combined with the knowledge that Murphy seems to have "situational" issues will lead you to answers you're seeking.

The pictures are wonderful, I'm so sorry you didn't get to enjoy yourself!!!   : (       Sending you ((((HUGS)))))

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Thanks, Carol, for your words of support.  I was feeling discouraged, and now I'm just more determined than ever before.

[Donna K & Quincy]

Jane it sounds like you need to have a vacation to recover from your vacation, hope everything is back to normal.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Thanks, Donna.  No more vacations for a while....

[Ann ~Oliver & Rosie]

Jane! You are my Doodle Training Idol! Not to mention a "do it all mom" You have made enormous progress with your boys! I'm so sorry your vacation was so chaotic! It definitely sounds like over stim for poor Murphy. I agree with others.. next year , separate cottages, time to relax with your doods and DH with visits from your kids and grandchildren, OR I'm sure Ben would have loved to join you on a "training vacation"!

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Believe me Ann, if Ben wasn't on vacation himself I would have paid him ANYTHING to come down to the beach and help us.  I've spent the better part of today just thinking about what I think he's going to say.  I already have a pretty good idea of some of the "mistakes" that Ben will point out (in his usual nice way).  You know how he does that so you don't feel like a total idiot.  LOL  I really think that Murph would have just taken one look at Ben and he would have been "scared straight" for the rest of the vacation.  I'm not even sure how he does that.  Thanks for your support.

[Ann ~Oliver & Rosie]

:) I don't know how he does it! He always makes our doodles look so smart and well behaved! Next year strive for "controlled chaos"..

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Can Ben move to PA??