Dog Haiku

Subject: Dog Haiku

I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.
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I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be
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Today I sniffed
Many dog behinds-I celebrate
By kissing your face.
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I sound the alarm!
Paper boy-come to kill us all
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
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I sound the alarm!
Garbage man-come to kill us all
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
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I lift my leg and
Whiz on each bush. Hello, Spot-
Sniff this and weep
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How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.
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My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle
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I Hate my choke chain
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!
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Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot-no greater bliss-well,
Maybe catching rats
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Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as I do
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The cat is not all
Bad-she fills the litter box
With Tootsie Rolls
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Dig under fence-why?
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's there.
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I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.
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My owners' mood is
Romantic-I lie near their
Feet. I fart a big one.