Who Wants Fudge and Vern? Jumping on the Bandwagon Here!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

There have been several discussions lately about what happens to your dogs if something happens to you.  I know this will surprise all of you, but I had actually written a blog about this same subject back in November and never put it out there because I was waiting for the right time.  Someday, I will post that blog, but for now I need to know who is going to take Fudge and Vern if something happens to me and my husband is too busy celebrating grieving to properly care for them.  Sure, he says now that no one is ever getting his dogs, but what if he meets some floozy who uses her feminine wiles to have her way with him and keeps whispering in his ears, “there is more where that came from IF you get rid of those dogs.”  A part of me doesn’t know if he will fall for this ruse because I have not had much luck when I whisper in his ears.  In fact, the other night I tried it and first he said, “Did you just spit in my ear?” and then when I blew again and said, “just looking at you turns me on, “ he started clapping his hands together and said, “Clap off!”  On the other hand, if she whispers in his ears, cooks a good home cooked meal for him, and happens to mention she loves to watch the Tour de France, it is only a matter of time before Fudge and Vern will be watching the two of them ride off into the sunset on their tandem bike with a string of Gatorade cans dragging behind.  

 

Before I choose Fudge and Vern’s guardians, and keep in mind, my husband has said on more than one occasion that if he ever gets out of this marriage, he is never ever dating or marrying again, but just in case, I want a backup.  I also want all of you to be on the look out for a change in my moniker and if you wake up one day and see Bunny, Fudge and Vern or Bambi, Fudge and Vern, you know I have been replaced and I want all of you to swarm my house like a bunch of brides running for the big sale at Filene’s Basement and get my two doodles to my approved DK guardian home. He might put up a fight, so I want Karen and F to lead the way. The best time to spring Fudge and Vern is either early in the morning when my husband is in the bathroom, right after work when he is in the bathroom, or between 6-7 pm when Daniel Boone is on or he is in the bathroom.  

 

Some things I am NOT looking for, because it will confuse Fudge and Vern and make the transition harder, are the following:

 

• Thin, sexy people.
• A good dresser.
• Someone with a good singing voice.
• Someone who drives cautiously and within the speed limit.
• A good dog trainer. Must be willing to fight on walks with spouse about dog training and who is doing it correctly.
• A jogger. Prefer a person whose jogging and/or running looks exactly like their walking.
• A quiet person.
• A patient person.
• Person who likes to stretch out in bed.
• Person who values their privacy in the bathroom.

 

 

Other than that, Fudge and Vern stay together and should get lots and lots of hugs and kisses every single day. Also, the last thing I say every night before falling asleep is, “I love you, Fudge…I love you, Vern….oh, and I love you DH!”  I would like this to continue, although you can leave out the "I love you Laurie's DH," part.  We are now open for applications and I would prefer a short essay telling me why you think your home would be good for Fudge and Vern!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

OMD.....I never thought of you....LOL!!! The dogs come with your sister. They are inseparable. Case closed!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Read my stipulations....we don't qualify :) LOL

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

Wow!  I don't stand a chance of "winning" Fudge & Vern.  I only meet one of the non-qualifiers.  I'm a thin sex goddess who is always impeccably dressed. I've NEVER gotten a speeding ticket and I jog 10 miles a day.  I'd NEVER dream of fighting with my spouse, especially over something as trivial as dog training.  I have a bashful bladder, so must have complete privacy in the bathroom and love to stretch out by myself in my king-sized bed.  My resume clearly states that I'm shy, quiet, and have the patience of Job.  In fact the only non-qualifier I meet is that I'm not a very good singer.  I know that for a fact because fifty years ago in Girl Scouts, our leader - Mrs. Bisconer, a trained opera singer - told me just to mouth the words when we got to the high notes.  She scarred me for life!!!!

[F, Calla & Luca]

Sad to say but Mrs. Bisconer the b@#$%, saved you from the scary state of perfect.

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

How true!!!  Imagine how incredible I'd be if my thin, sexy, patient, fabulous self could sing Madame Butterfly!! 

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Or better yet, "Rolling in the Deep". More $$$ in that genre, lol.

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

Maybe I should learn to rap.  Rappers clearly don't need to be able to sing.  A 59 year old white rapping grandmother - I'd have my own niche!!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Practice, so we can hear something on the cruise :)

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

That is what my fourth grade choir teacher told me to do, Deanna.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

It seems like choir teachers can be very mean :)

[Deanna & Desi & Cori]

I guess back in those days, teachers didn't care about wounding fragile little egos.  It's a wonder we all survived to adulthood with any kind of self-concept intact!!

[F, Calla & Luca]

Truly, I have two friends from elementary school and we still speak of our evil 6th grade teacher.