Major Catastrophe (Wink, Wink) Averted In Pennsylvania!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

My husband has a sprained ankle and was unable to close the gate this morning after he left for work, which turned out to be a blessing in disguise.  The dogs needed to go out and when I looked out the window and saw I needed to close the gate, I added one of his work coats over my t-shirt and cupcake pajama bottoms, slipped on my trusty rubber boots, and set off to close the gate. I try to be quick, because I would hate to scare the neighbors, but something white caught my eye and I went to investigate.  Imagine my horror, when much to my surprise, I see the white object is a pair of my newly washed underwear. WTD!!! 

Now, I don't know how long they were out there or which dog was the guilty party, although I have my suspicions.

Vern does not do anything gross with clothing and I was stupid enough to leave a basket of washed and folded laundry within his reach, so I guess I had it coming.  He is, however, the only sock thief we have in our household and he does like to carry socks outside and drop them in his travels. I have found many a sock out there, but never anything else. I guess he changed his M.O. some time this week, to throw us off his scent, so to speak.

Anyway, I gathered up my personal belonging and thanked the good Lord that I was the finder and got to thinking about all the what ifs.

For instance, what if my mailman, Alvin, had driven up the driveway, gotten out of his car to deliver us some mail, and knocked on the door and said, "Ma'am, did your car cover blow off sometime during the night, because there is something large and white out here?"

What if I had to look him right in the eye and say, "No sir, it appears to be my underwear."  I doubt if he would ever drive up the driveway again and the only thing I might see or hear from him in the future would be notes left in my mailbox, "Dear Postal Customer, You and your dogs scare me. We have a package at the Post Office for you.  Please pick it up at your convenience. Alvin "  In a small town, word gets around quickly, and it is probably best this way, because nobody wants to be known as the woman who has underwear strewn around in her yard. 

Or what if we had a neighborhood association, and the entire board showed up at my house to talk to me about a complaint issued by my neighbors and they lead off with, "ma'am, your neighbor does not like your Satellite Dish blocking his view,"  and I have to say, "Let me explain. It is not a Satellite Dish, it is my underwear, and my dog brought them out of our house and they have blown into a tree and now it is too high for me to reach."

I know fireman come out to save kittens, but I doubt they would respond quickly to a call coming in to save a pair of granny panties in a tree.

My mind kept wandering....what if, my husband had found them first and decided this would be a real hoot and before you know it, our house became a local tourist attraction, all because Vern has a problem with knowing boundaries. 

We are, after all, near Intercourse, PA, and I would hate for our little town to get a weird name like that, and I have to write out Unmentionables, PA, every time I address a letter. Lord knows we already have Thong, Nuttsville, and Blue Ball, out there in the world.

I am happy to say, I do not wear this size YET, although, if I continue eating Auntie Anne's pretzels, this could be my future.

For now, I will be more careful where I put my laundry, because it could always be worse where Vern is concerned.

and don't forget, we have a cat, too.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thanks, Cheryl.

[Joan, Louie and Mila]

Laurie, as usual I'm laughing since I can relate to most if not all of your blog. Love the panties on the tree limbs. I don't always comment but I always read your blog!  Happy Easter and we still need to meet up sometime when I'm in Gettysburg

Would love to meet the usual suspects in person!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Thank you, Joan. Yes, let me know when you are in Gettysburg. Thank you for reading my blogs :)

[Julie, Izzie & Max]

Laurie, I always love your blogs.  This reminds of something that happened to my mother when I was young.  It was before the days of panty hose and my mother had come home and taken off her girdle with her stockings still attached.  We had a dog a the time that we used to play tug of war with her old stockings.  My father had an office in our home and had several men with him that day.  In came our dog dragging her stocking with the girdle still attached. It was a little embarrassing for everyone but we all got a good laugh.

 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Julie, Thank you for another big laugh today.  OMD...I remember those girdles. My mom wore them and I never understood how she could stand having it on. LOL

[Jennifer,Chloe & Myla]

ROFL poor mailman...wonder what he would do? Way to go Vern!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

He never even smiles...so your guess is as good as mine :)

[F, Calla & Luca]

I really find it hard to like people with no sense of humor.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I don't think he has spoken ten words to me since 2004. He is very, very serious. He does wave when he goes by in the car...LOL!!

[F, Calla & Luca]

Poor man, he doesn't know what he's missing.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Why thank you, ma'am :)

[F, Calla & Luca]

Just the kind of answer you must have known I would appreciate : )