Do You Have An Arch-Nemesis?? Fudge and Vern, Or Should I Say Laurie, Have Two!!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I have had it with two creatures that share this earth with us. We walk everyday up at our nearby State Park and I have never killed (on purpose) an animal, but I am about to start packing (think Jane) like Elmer Fudd and start taking matters into my own hands. 

I am just not sure I can operate a weapon, hold poop bags, control two large dogs, and hit my target.  What has got my dander up?  Well, I will tell you! 

First of all, that park is loaded with geese and the main reason they seem to exist is to generate enough poop on the sidewalk, in the grass, and on any stationary object, that it forces humans to become nimble on their feet and hones our dog training techniques.  I am starting to wonder if every morning the head goose stands around and passes out Ex-Lax to make sure they have a very productive day.  We have all heard of a fleet of geese, and there is even a laxative called Fleet and if I worked in Marketing at the Fleet company, I would suggest their slogan be, "Makes you poop like a goose!" 

Possibly, the solution is to find the pill dispensing goose and either hand it a supply of poop bags or convince the goose that distributing Imodium capsules would allow her to live a longer life.

Yesterday, I was screaming, "Leave It!" so loudly at Fudge and Vern that I think I saw an old lady drop her purse. Our entire walk consists of me on high alert for evidence that some goose with an overactive digestive system has walked this path before and then convincing my dogs that leaving gross stuff alone would be in their best interest. I can tell you I see no let up with these goose pie dropping beasts because they are multiplying by the dozens.  Sure, the babies are cute, but it is just a matter of time before they get bigger and say to themselves, "this is as good as place as any," when the urge strikes and we all know that is somewhere on a sidewalk. 

Next up, we have the groundhog, or as I like to call them, the moving rodent from hell. This little guy serves one purpose and that is to come out once a year, either see his shadow or not, and predict the weather. 

The rest of the time he is digging holes big enough to swallow a human whole, or running from hole to hole while you are walking your dogs and trying to engage them in a game of Red Rover, Red Rover, Send Fudge and Vern Over.  He has no regard to the human attached to the other end of their leashes.  I am all for working with distractions, but fifty mounds of goose poop and fourteen groundhogs running willy-nilly would tax even Victoria Stillwell or Mother Teresa, especially since I strongly believe in another life, Fudge and Vern were hunting dogs.

So, I ask you, can anyone come up with one good reason why I shouldn't start carrying a rifle and put these creatures out of MY misery?  I will consider all suggestions, but don't bother bringing up the fact that I don't know how to shoot, have never hunted, and am prone to nervous tics.  I need valid reasons only.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I laughed as I read this, but I really do feel for you, Laurie. We have to deal with the geese and their droppings for a small part of our morning route, and it's extremely challenging. I hate guns, but I wish there was some way to get rid of the geese. You would think that being approached by an 85 lb dog accompanied by a loud, shrilll voiced woman would intimidate them enough to at least move out of our path, but apparently geese have nerves of steel. Maybe they are handing out Valium along with the laxatives.

Thank God I don't have to deal with groundhogs in this immediate area. The rabbits are enough. Their taunting of JD is escalating, and he has not figured out yet that he cannot go under a fence the way a rabbit can. Maybe if he bangs his head against the fence enough times, he will figure it out. :) 

[F, Calla & Luca]

Actually, the geese can be very aggressive when they are protecting the nests or maybe just when they feel like it. Nasty creatures. They have attacked people.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Maybe I should start being nicer to them. Or at least start saying "Please" when I tell them to get out of my way, lol.

 

[Ann Kendig]

Ha ha

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

There was actually a guy killed by two swans...he tipped in his kayak and drowned. The swans were there to get rid of the geese, if I have my facts correct, and he was the caretaker. I will try and find the article.

[Bonnie and Kona]

Our family was attacked by swans while in a row boat... not, not nice.

[Lisa, Daisy & Dexter]

I read this article, very sad, young children.

HATE THE GEESE and the poop that comes with it.

We have just a few, even they don't like our swamp!

[Leslie and Halas]

They really are mean.  One hissed at me one time because I walked by her nest.  I told her that maybe she shouldn't put her nest on a tiny grass island in the middle of a mall parking lot.

[Bonnie and Kona]

Oh goodness, drug dealing gesse... first the laxative and now the Valium. They are as bad as humans!

Poor Jack... rabbits and fences... this is a cold, cruel world.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

LOL

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

And to add insult to injury, the word is out amongst the neighborhood rabbits that our yard is a good place to make a nest, because there is a big dumb gentle doodle there who is too slow kind to hurt the babies. I have a yard full of empty holes (the last litter left their nest over the weekend) and all of my violets have lost their heads.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

You have to love a big ol' sweet Doodle :)