Continuation of Sherri's Rehome Discussion!

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I have been up since 5:30 am thinking about Sherri’s discussion about all of the recent rehoming discussions.   She is right in that we have to come up with some way to deal with these discussions.  As worried as I am about the dogs in question, I am equally as worried about the way these discussions divide our DK community.  We have had discussions on being nice that didn’t end up so nicely and plenty of arguments as to how a discussion was handled and how it could have been handled better.  Sometimes I agree.  Sometimes I don’t, but yesterday hit a nerve because I felt like I was nice.  I said please and thank you and still we were not nice enough.  Even some of the comments about what we should have done, we did do, and still the poster got upset and closed the discussion and everyone is in agreement that the real loser is going to be that dog.  The bottom line is however I think we handled it or didn't handle it, we didn't get through to that poster and so I do agree, we need a better way.

 

I am not here to re-hash that discussion, because honestly I am mad about it and in the long run, no one should care about that as much as we do about helping the next dog that appears in the next rehome discussion, and we all know there will be another dog soon.  There is absolutely no way to control a discussion like the one yesterday or the others before that because unless we send out a script to all of our members telling them to please not respond emotionally or negatively to anyone trying to rehome their dog for any old reason, someone is going to respond passionately and get someone else mad.  At first, the thing that upset me yesterday is that people who had not read the comments or offered any assistance to the poster were critical of those of us who did, but since those people are some of the ones I respect the most here on DK, I also know they care as much about these dogs as I do and even if we don't agree, they have a right to their opinion.   Trust me, when I say that is a hard one for me :) I also know there is a wide range of people on DK with varying opinions and sometimes we have to put aside our personal feelings to get something done for a dog that needs our help.  I also know that behind every comment is the need to help a dog.

 

It seemed to me that the majority of the responders to Sherri’s post felt like we hardly ever talk anyone out of rehoming their dogs once they post and we should just respond with the facts and keep emotions out of responses.  With that said, I think the discussions are right to be on the front page, but I think we need a link or something to refer the person to the DRC or IDog and after that, I hope the discussion gets closed so no further comments can be made. 

P.S. Please note: if you disagree with me I will close the discussion :)

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I do think that there are many people who have learned something from the discussions that have become heated. If every time someone who acquired a dog on a whim and then wanted to dump him on a whim posted a discussion, and the only responses were links to rescue groups and comments expressing sympathy for the owner instead of the dog, many people who are new, first-time owners (and there are a LOT of them here) as well as those who are just thinking about getting a dog might get the idea that getting rid of your dog at the first sign of trouble or inconvenience is a great idea, that it makes no difference to the dog, and that it is condoned by the majority of dog owners. It might make those who are on the fence about getting a dog think, "Oh, if I try it and it doesn't work out, I can contact a rescue group." I know there are many people here who had never thought about the issues of responsible dog ownership, commitment, rehoming, rescue, etc. until they were thoroughly and heatedly debated here in the forum.

[Sherri, Sophie, Winston, & Kitty]

completely agree Karen. Completely.

[F, Calla & Luca]

I think you are right about this to some degree Karen but I do hope people, in general, think a little bit more about the issue even without the discussion. And it's the heat not the discussing that bothers me. I do think along with the link we could say, calmly, why we hope they might reconsider . Sherri, could even have some low key information in her new page about how it's hard on the dog and offering links to helpful groups like the Training group and Puppy madness etc. I do not think we need to say "Hooray, you are rehoming your dog" but neither do we have to offer vitriolic comments.

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

 I agree, F.

[Elizabeth & Cosmo]

F, thanks for this comment. I agree strongly.

I understand the strong feelings that so many of us have (myself included) about rehoming dogs, and I know everyone here has the best interests of the dog at heart.

But, we have to work through _the person_ to help the dog, and, if we drive the person away, our opportunity to help the dog is gone forever. I don't want us to enable and validate irresponsible people, but we need to keep them engaged to find the best outcome for the dog.

I think the page Sherri is working on is a great idea to provide helpful information in a consistent, calm, and objective way. It will be a great resource!

[F, Calla & Luca]

I agree.

[Adina P]

Reminds me of all the hostage scenes in movies.  To save the hostages, you have to be careful with the criminal in the bank!  Not quite the same, I know :-)

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I think it all goes back to 99.9% are going to rehome their dog no matter what we say, so just referring them to a link is probably the answer. Yesterday, we did try and help, but since no one offered to take the dog, the discussion was closed. They don't want solutions as to how to keep their dog, they just want someone else to take the dog off their hands.  It was a done deal before the post and we now know the dog was already on Craigslist at some point and is now listed with Lynne's group. That part was left out of the original post.  I can only change myself and I am not getting sucked into these discussions any longer other than to post a link and try and help by contributing to the DRC.

[Lynne Fowler-Oodles of Doodles]

Oodles of Doodles is not connected to the DRC but most of you are right in saying that if you get pissy or pushy with these people, they tend to run. Many of us have written to Craigslist Listers and never hear back from them. The only way is to gently persuade them and many times, tell them what they want to hear, then showing them there is another way and have them come to the decisions on their own. Wally's owner has been offered many ideas and says she loves him, I can only hope she does right by him.

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

Lynne, I hope Wally lands in a wonderful home!! Sometimes the older dogs can offer so much to a household, despite the fact that he can leap tall fences :) Super Dog!!  I guess what I mean to say is I am going to try and offer rescue links from now on and vent the other stuff to my DH :) Wait till I tell him the good news!

[Lynne Fowler-Oodles of Doodles]

I know. I explained to Wally's mother that he will be difficult to place because of his age, color and shedding and she, at first, said she was going to take him to the shelter. Once I explained how shelters deal with Owner Surrenders, is when she said she loves him and is trying some of the things I suggested. If someone didn't gently explain the facts, he would be at the shelter now, or worse. I think it is important to help them know, too. Just giving them a link, is not helping, either. IMO. 

[Laurie, Fudge, and Vern]

I hope we can figure this all out!