I think all this cruise talk may be starting to bug people and so, I would like to change the topic and report some really big news. This news is so big, it is going to blow the roof off this joint.
If you are drinking coffee (Doris), put it down. If you are only half paying attention (F), give me your undivided attention. If you are cuddling with your significant other, STOP right now and listen up. As all good news goes, it might need a little build up....a written drum roll, so to speak......a story to go along with the biggest news ever. So, here goes. Hold onto your hats, ladies and gentlemen, except Clark Gilligan, let your hat blow away :)
As the weather has been getting cooler, Fudge has taken on a bit of a macho personality. Usually, she lets Vern rough her up a little and almost goes limp as he grabs hold of her and tosses her around like a rag doll. She never seems that concerned and often looks at me like, "just let him get it out of his system and then we can all move on." Vern tries to go for the element of surprise in his attacks, but usually Fudge is one step ahead of him and springs away from him. Vern never seems to realize how Fudge knows he is lying in wait in the van, although it is not hard to spot a 96 pound dog crouched down waiting to spring. He will exit the front door in front of her and then turn as if to say, "I bet you can't guess that I am going to jump on you in about two seconds." Fudge, for the most part, likes to be chased, but sometimes doesn't appreciate all 96 pounds on top of her, IF Vern is able to catch her.
All this has changed with the change in the weather. I don't know if Fudge has been taking steroid pills or using testosterone cream, but now she bounds out the door ahead of Vern and as he jumps in the van, she prances around and around taunting him and looking like she is thinking, "You want a piece of this, big guy?? You had better bring your A game." Even when she finishes going to the bathroom, she kicks back so much grass, that yesterday, I had grass all over my pants and I feared for my life.
I finally had to tell her to stop and even then I felt like she wanted to give me the Z snap and a piece of her mind.
When Vern pushed his way through the deer fencing yesterday and was outside of the gate in a panic trying to figure out how to get back in the yard, it was Fudge who alerted me by running back and forth along the perimeter. Once, I let Vern back in, she pounced on him to let him know next time he had better include her in his next adventure.
What does all this have to do with the biggest news ever on DK. Not much, but I thought while I had your attention, I might as well tell you something new about Fudge and Vern. I know the suspense is killing you and if you are just about to stop reading this and saying to yourself, "hurry up, you pompous windbag!" I am almost there.
Right after I showed Vern the video of Natalie picking him, Vern started strutting around and acting too big for his britches again. This can be the only reason I can think of to explain why my Vern, who will be 3 in January, and has peed like a girl dog since the day I brought him home, lifted his leg on a tree yesterday and peed like a man, or should I say, a male dog.
My enormous dog, Vern, is growing up and meanwhile, Fudge is having a gender identity crisis. We just need to find her Steroid supplier. I hope it is not one of the billy goats down the street. That's it....the biggest news ever to be released on DoodleKisses!!
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