Growling at children :(

[Joanna, Zoe & Bender]

Hi All, it's me again...wanting to inquire on yet another bad behavior by my sweet baby Bender :(

Let me start off by mentioning that Bender never really liked loud noises or when there is too many people at our house.  Even from the first time we brought him home he didn't like people with loud voices and too much chaos around him.  My sister is one of those women that are very loud and opinionated about everything and for about the first 4 months he would run away from her if she tried to pet him.  It made her very sad but I thought it was kind of funny.

I guess we haven't really had a large party of people come over since we got him and have only had small dinner parties with maybe 1 or 2 couples.  We did host the last Thanksgiving and he was a wreck!  He stuck by me like glue while Zoe pranced around greeting everyone and showing them how much she loved everyone.

The other night we had a small get together at our house of 12 people.  Bender is always great with women but he seems a little particular about the men he likes.  Sometimes he greets them happily and sometimes he does his low growl and big boy bark and is weary.  He is never aggressive towards men just sometimes more cautious of some than others.  His actions toward men does not worry me because as soon as they walk inside and pet him he gets used to them and goes back to being himself.

My friend came over with her two sons that same night.  They are age 4 and 6 and are very gentle and nice with dogs.  They have a 10 year old Husky at home so they have grown up with dogs around.  Ben apparently did not like them.  He would low growl if they got close and I would say NO and he would stop.  It scared me so I asked the kids not to pet him.  My friend said it's probably because it's his home.  I'm not sure if it's because the kids first came inside with animal hats, or if he doesn't like kids, or if hes being territorial because it's his home.  

This was very odd to me because when we are out on walks, at training class, restaurants/shopping... he has NO problem with kids.  He will walk right up to them or lets them walk right up to him and lick them or let them pet him and hug him, etc.

I need to do something about this asap because DH and I want to get pregnant soon.  It breaks my heart to think that Bender wouldn't like our baby and I would not know what to do if that happened.  Any helpful insights/advise would greatly help me.  I am so sad over this.

[Jen, Lachlan, and Declan]

I'm gonna agree that it's probably the hats, although it's definitely worth getting together with a trainer and I'd ramp up the socialization big-time. I spent some time last fall working with a friend whose Shepherd reacted in the show ring to a judge who was wearing mirrored sunglasses. Apparently her dog thought he was an alien or something - not just another human. I started wearing hats and such around my guys right away and at first they were like "da heck?!" but they calmed down pretty quickly when they got used to my head profile being changed so oddly.

I'll add that both of my guys have freaked out the first time they saw the bear statue at our local shopping center. I suspect that visually they rely a lot on shapes.

[Joanna, Zoe & Bender]

thanks Jen!  funny that you mention sunglasses because the same night one of DH's friends brought over some painting and the guy had sunglasses on.  Zoe (the friendliest dog in the world) stopped short when she saw it propped up against the wall on the floor and barked at it for like 10 minutes until I figured out why she was barking!

[F, Calla & Luca]

These hats remind me of Luca and the TV. He generally gets along with other dogs but not on TV. He is getting somewhat better. But I've always thought animals on TV are threatening because they " come" into our home and he can't smell/ figure them out. So maybe this was the problem with the kids for Bender. He couldn't figure them out.

[Joanna, Zoe & Bender]

F, I think its so much better that he doesnt TV dogs and gets along with real life ones!  LOL

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I really feel that your issue with Bender is more than just the hats the children were wearing.  You mention that he's not comfortable around a lot of noise and people in your home.  That's where it starts.  My Murphy was the same way.  He hated (and still does but to a lesser degree) noise.  He was extremely nervous and uncomfortable when there were a lot of people in our home, especially children.  We hired a trainer and have worked with him on these and other issues for two years.  I'm happy to report that he's fine now with all our company, and even loves being around the kids.  Here are some of the things we did.

-At the beginning we did not allow him to be in the room with guests.  He was gated in our bedroom so he could see and hear activity but did not have to be in the middle of it or interact.  Now we're at the point where we gate him in our room for about the first 15 minutes as the guests are arriving and then I let him come out to be with the guests.  With Murph "how I release him" is critical.  He has to be sitting calmly before I open the gate and he has to remain calm or he goes right back into the bedroom.

-We did several "desensitizing" sessions with the children.  Initially we had the trainer with us when we did this exercise. We did it one child at a time in a very calm environment.  I watched his body language and rewarded when he was calm and verbally corrected when he showed signs of stress.  Growling resulted in an actual collar correction (I kept a tab on him for this exercise) and then he was removed and the session ended.  As time went on we could even let our toddler grandson crawl around him and he would stay calm...but it took a long time to get there.  Last week was school vacation week, so the kids were with us.  Murph was so happy to have them here...finally all of that anxiety is gone.

I should add that in addition to tons of training and "desensitizing" work Murph was on anti-anxiety meds for part of this work.  He's now almost completely weaned (very low maintenance dose) and he's still doing well.  I'm not saying that Bender is as severe a case as Murphy has been, but it does sound like he is demonstrating some territorial behaviors that you will want to address, and I would watch him very closely around children in your home in the meantime.  Good luck and please keep us posted.

[Joanna, Zoe & Bender]

Thanks Jane for the suggestions.  So you do think this is a territorial behavior?  I really want to work more with Bender so that his case doesn't escalate and become severe.  I worry about him constantly :(  I feel so bad because I feel like I didn't socialize him nearly as much as I did with Zoe.  

I asked my friend to come over with the kids to hang out on a quiet day just our two familes.  we will be cautious and hope he relaxes.  Im ok if he doesnt like big parties but I'm not ok if he's mean to kids.

Bender always gets excited when people come over so maybe I will start him in the room and feed him treats and slowly let him out when hes calm.  I cant leave him in the room the entire time because I know he will have a fit and cry the entire time :(  

I might have to remove Zoe from all the exercises.  I think her energy gets him riled up.  The days that Zoe was in the hospital a couple weeks back, Bender was very calm even when first greeted at the door.  Usually they are both jumping and running around from excitement.  I wonder why her love for people doesnt rub off on him too!  

thanks so much Jane and yes I will keep everyone updated on Bens kid issues.  we've been working on his dog issues and basically do not let him greet other dogs on our walks.  i dont think thats the best way to go about it and its really not solving anything but at least it doesnt cause him to lunge or get excited.  

[Amy, Cubbie & Ollie]

I don't think there is anything wrong with not allowing Ben to greet other dogs while on a leash.  I used to let Cubbie do it but I can't with Ollie so now neither of them are allowed to.  We just keep walking.  Many people here do not allow their dogs to do on leash greetings either so you aren't alone in that method.  :)

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Count me among those who don't allow on leash greetings with strange dogs, ever.

[Jen, Lachlan, and Declan]

Ditto, and I've been known to be quite rude about it.

[Amy, Cubbie & Ollie]

there is a woman in my new neighborhood that always asks to let her dog greet mine. The one day I was working on stays at a distance with Cubbie and just told her that i'm working on his training.  She always lets her dog walk off leash so whenever i see them I turn and go the other way.  She says her dog is friendly but I can guarantee you that if that dog were to come running over while Ollie was on a leash it would NOT be a nice meeting.  He gets afraid and he reacts. 

[Jen, Lachlan, and Declan]

Gah, the off-leash thing makes me grind my teeth. They always say "Oh, my dog is friendly!" My typical retort these days is "You DON'T know that about mine!"

I've seen two new people in my neighborhood in the last couple of weeks walking their dogs off-leash. Nearly ran over one last Friday when I was leaving for work (before dawn) and he bounced out in front of my van. I worry about these dogs because there is another one, walked daily (ON leash, thank heavens) that is not dog-friendly at all. When I'm out with the boys and I see him we owners nod politely and then I turn around and go the other way so his dog will stop screaming and foaming.

[Joanna, Zoe & Bender]

OMG that is SO dangerous!  I don't understand why these people cant just walk on a leash! Grr!