Lucy Made Me Smile Today! :o)

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

Since our sad day on Monday DH and I have been worried about Lucy and how this whole situation would affect her.  Not only just now being the only doodle, but would the fact that they were liter mates make the situation any different for her.  Neither of us has any experience with a situation like this so we just weren't really sure what we should watch for.  Lucy has sort of had to take a back seat in the last few months and so normal for her is just sort of laying around, napping, barking if there is a noise outside or getting really excited if someone stopped by.  This afternoon as she lay on her pillow in the Den while we were both on the computer we got to talking about if we thought she was depressed or if she was just tired (she got a haircut today.  Another thing that had been neglected).  Anyway we have vowed that we are going to get her back on a regular walking schedule and rehab that knee some more and also try and take off a few pounds as well.  (Although after her haircut she didn't look nearly as chunky).  So, I said to her "Do you wanna go for a walk" and she just jumped up and gave me that little head tilt like what are you waiting for.  Mike was going to bundle up and take her.  When they returned I was still on the computer and I heard her little toe nails running across the living room floor.  She came screaming into the Den, full speed, ran up to my chair, threw those big paws up on my shoulders and gave me the biggest Lucy Hug and some sloppy little Lucy kisses.  She was just all excited.  I couldn't help but smile. 

That makes me think that she is doing ok.  If anyone has been through anything similar and has any ideas on what we might watch for that would be great.  We are just pretty clueless on anything that we might need to do to help her.  She is pretty independent.  She never minded my leaving her home alone when Sophie and I did therapy work.    We have kept her night time routine the same by leaving her in their room and she seems fine with it.  She hasn't even whined to wake me in the morning.  Bottom line, I want to do anything that we can to help her through the transition and don't want to do anything that might make it harder.  Any ideas appreciated.

[Joanna, Zoe & Bender]

:)

[Judy, Meg & Polly Wolly Doodle]

I think she clearly said 'welcome back' when she came back from her walk.  I have seen some pretty sensitive dogs in my years (when we lost my son in law, my daughter never shed one tear that her lab didn't offer to be in her lap and love on her) and since your Lucy loved and lost a friend as well she was probably waiting for you to be ready to have fun at your pace.  I am betting you are great parents and all you have to do is enjoy her, she sounds great.

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

Thanks everyone. Sounds like we are doing what needs done then.  She seems to be doing ok and we will just continue to love on her, keep her routine normal and watch for anything different from her.  Appreciate all the feed back.

[Lori, Quincy & Frankie]

I am glad Lucy gave you a smile!  

[Pam & Trixie]

I am so glad she made you Smile today....Your story made me cry.
She sounds like she is adjusting very well.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I'm so happy that Lucy is doing well...it seems like you are all helping each other to get through this.  You have been constantly on my mind and in my heart these past couple of days.  I did find this article that was in a Newsletter that I get, and I thought it presented some good insights.  It sounds like you're already doing all the right things for Lucy.

by Martin Deeley
How do you help a dog cope with the loss of a pack member, for example when one dog in a multi-dog household dies? Martin Deeley explores the topic.
Do dogs have emotions? Do they grieve at the loss of another dog or a family member? In my experience, yes they do. Dogs pick up on the emotions of others and have feelings of their own, but the intensity of those emotions depend on many aspects. It depends on the dog’s family, his lifestyle, the relationship with the deceased, the relationship with the human members of the family, and the attitude and emotions of family members dealing with the death of their beloved dog. One can define the word “emotion” as “a mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes; a feeling: the emotions of joy, sorrow, reverence, hate, and love.’ In the case of a death, the emotion can be distress, sorrow, grief and related feelings that we may describe as emptiness.”
A dog that has lost a companion may show signs of emotional distress with a lack of appetite, aloof behavior, or even be demanding of attention and affection. We have to remember that when a living animal relates to another for a long period of time, they do develop relationships; they do create habits, routines, boundaries and even rules around each other. When suddenly one of the ‘partners’ is no longer there, the dynamic changes. Good, safe, habits and routines create confidence, trust, certainty and familiarity with the world. Now with the death of a companion, it is like having to overcome an addiction of sorts, an ingrained habit that they find difficulty in losing. With some dogs, it can be extreme because they may have built a strong bond with the deceased partner. They have followed them, been guided by them, exercised with and been entertained by them. The world has revolved around the partner. Even dogs that are leaders can find themselves left with a feeling of loneliness, with no one to lead and no one to share with – they have lost the feeling of being wanted and part of a pack.
It may sound anthropomorphic, but I am certain this is one of the main reasons for dogs showing grief. Confidence and a feeling of belonging to a pack disappear with the loss of the other dog. In some instances this may even result in separation anxiety when the dog is left alone, now with no companion. There have even been instances of dogs not being able to separate themselves from their deceased companion, sitting next to the grave for days. Remember the story of Greyfriars Bobby, so devoted to his master John Gray, even in death, that this faithful dog kept constant watch and guard over the grave for fourteen years until his own death in 1872.
Dogs cannot speak to let us know what they are thinking, so we have to read their body language, behavior and general demeanor to know how they are feeling. Of course, we can misread what they are thinking and feeling, and sometimes they can simply be reflecting our own feelings and emotions. Therefore, you may think their emotions stem from the loss of companion when really they are reacting to our exhibited emotions.
In 1996, the ASPCA conducted a study, which found that 36 percent of dogs ate less after the death of a canine companion, 11 percent stopped eating completely, and 63 percent vocalized more or became quiet. Many slept in different places from where they had slept before and over a half of the surviving dogs became more affectionate, even to the extent of being clingy with their owners. They had lost their confidence, their security blanket, and their way of life and, without clear help and direction, were mentally lost.
So what can we do to minimize and overcome the grieving? It may not always be possible, but try to think ahead when you know that one of your dog’s companions may pass on. We should always be the pack leader, but even more so now. Engage your dog in activities she enjoys--walks, retrieving, swimming, games--and do these by yourselves. Do not feel guilty about leaving the companion behind; he will most likely enjoy the break, the rest, and the relaxation away from being the leader.
Over the years I have had as many as thirteen dogs, and have been able to watch their behavior at the loss of a companion. Today my wife and I are down four dogs and two cats, all of which get along well with one another. Even though our dogs are friends--run together, play together and sleep together--when one crosses over to doggy heaven, the others do not show excessive emotions. However, when my ol’ Becky passed over the Rainbow, there was no doubt that her son and the younger dogs searched for her. They were waiting to see her holding court around the paddock. She was the matriarch, the lead dog, but not the leader. I maintain the leadership in my home, and that is the reason I believe I have few behavioral problems when one of the ‘team’ passes away.
I initiate the playtime with my dogs and spend time with them. My dogs are rarely alone, and always have me as a companion. Now, not everyone maintains this type of lifestyle, has the time nor even wishes to have it. But it does make a big difference when a companion dog dies and we have to take leadership and guide the remaining dogs into activities to take their mind off of the situation. If we have shown leadership before the death, the transition to being an only dog becomes much easier. And while we will also be grieving, we cannot outwardly show it or it can reflect back on our remaining dog.
We have to live for our living dog, and she needs help to see her through these times. In helping her, we do actually help ourselves. A calm, confident and kind hand while still maintaining boundaries and limitations with clear communication is essential. The reason? Some dogs will see our affection and our kindness as a sign of weakness in the pack and will feel they have to take over. It may not be obvious to you when doing it, but beware of rewarding bad behavior because you feel depressed yourself and sorry for your dog. Allowing your dog at this time to take advantage of you and behave badly will become the new habit unless you show the correct way to behave. Our job as a leader never stops. In fact this is what helps a dog through these times. They look for assurance, they look for confidence, they look for leadership to be able to deal with the unknown and they look initially to us to provide it. Your dog should not feel alone--she has you.
And while the thought may cross your mind, I suggest you do not rush out to replace your deceased dog. Wait a while; give your remaining dog a chance to become familiar with the situation. Do not fall into the trap of thinking that because she--and you--miss her old buddy a new one will be a perfect replacement. Some dogs not only become accustomed to being an only dog, but actually prefer it. So take the time and think it through. The loss of a dog is difficult for both you and your remaining dog or dogs, but you can be a support for one another, helping each other through these times and bringing you even closer.

[Lucy & AnnaBelle's Mom]

Thank you Jane -- I particularly liked this line:  We have to live for our living dog, and she needs help to see her through these times. In helping her, we do actually help ourselves.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I liked that line too...and you're doing that for Lucy.

[Allyson, Peri & Taquito]

I agree.  I think taking her on her walks that she loves, taking her to grooming, etc...doing "normal" things will help.  Also, if you need to cry, I say don't be afraid to bury your head into that neck and cry.  I have done that to Peri before and she is so wonderful and just licks me.  They want to be there for their HUMANS also :)

Just two weeks ago, TAquito stayed with my parents for almost a week while we had work done to our kitchen.  Peri went to daycare but came home at night - alone.  Without Taquito.  I know it's not the same thing at all, but Peri did not know where he was and was morose.  She went to his crate, looked in, sighed.  Paced the house.  She really missed him.  I told DH "do you think she thinks Tacky died? Do dogs even have a concept of that?".  Of course, they were reunited, but she was quite upset about it the entire week. 

I have been thinking of you so much.  I have been giving my two dogs lots of extra love this week in honor of Sophie.

[Sue & Lily Grace]

Dogs are so attuned to us. My heart still is very tender after losing Cassie at a young age just a year ago. When one of us loses a loved doodle my heart cracks all over again. My Lily Grace is here with me now and it never fails, she is jumping up beside me and licking away the tears. How wonderful we have that thing called Doodle Love.

[Elizabeth, Bailey & Bruin]

It sounds like Lucy knows just what to do and you are giving her what she needs too!  Hugs to you all!

[Lonnie & Libby Lu]

So happy to read this Sheri and it sounds like Lucy is going to watch over you and make you happy!  They certainly sense when something is going on and I bet by walking her she feels a little more back to normal.  It will take time for all of you, but she will be there for you (as you for her) with her paw hugs and Doodle kisses.  You are in my thoughts and prayers Sheri.