Help please! Pre-Separation Anxiety or Abandonment Issues or ....?

[Jayme K]

Hi everyone!

Henry is 5 months today and things are great except for one major issue I can't seem to get a handle on. Henry cannot stand to be left alone, separated by any sort of barrier, for any period of time and it seems to be escalating. The problem is only when we're about to leave or if we're home and he's not by our side. Once we're actually gone he settles quite quickly with a kong or two. If I take him on walks with a friend and it's time to say goodbye to that person he just met he also gets a bit upset, it's that bad.

I currently have him behind a baby gate in the kitchen while I'm at work. He sleeps in a crate at night or for shorter periods of time. When he was a baby I used a playpen. For his crate and his playpen it took him some time to adjust. He's never liked any sort of barrier and I remember when he was a puppy he'd be fine if one of my feet was on his side of the barrier but upset if I moved it out. Well I did lots of work to slowly adjust him to his crate and playpen and feel happy in them whether I was home or away. I did the same with the kitchen but maybe a bit more abruptly because I started a new job where before I was home more. Couple that when my first away from home for a few days and things seem to have gotten bad. He is in a constant state of panic from the moment I stop eating breakfast and it escalates as the morning goes on and the cues that I'm leaving are nearer. I've tried to make the cues seem meaningless by doing them even when I'm not leaving the house, but he just picks up on all the little details and KNOWS when I'm faking it or not. It used to be only when I was getting ready to leave but now he's upset if I'm not in the same room with him. And it is bad! His poor puppy shrieks have all of us a bit frazzled and less patient. And poor him, he is so stressed it is hard to watch.

I currently have him in puppy class and the trainer said it's not technically separation anxiety because he settles once I'm gone. She didn't say much else except to contact their more experienced trainer for some one-on-one in home time. Obviously I will do that if I have to but I'm in DC and this service is extremely pricey!

I'm hoping someone may have some resources, suggestions, or past experiences they can share?

[Helen & Kirby]

My dog can't wait for me to leave!   She's always so excited because I give her a Kong or milkbone everytime I leave.   I just give it to her and leave --no long goodbyes, etc.  Sometimes I just leave it on the steps for her to find.

Maybe on the weekends, try leaving several times in one day but don't be gone for very long. Give him a treat and leave.   Don't make a big deal out of leaving or returning.  The more training your puppy has, the more confident he will become.  Let us know what happens.

[Doug, Micki, Dawson & Mya]

We give Dawson and Mya each a section of femur bone from the grocery store or meat market. Until they get that marrow out of that bone, it's like none of us exist. +1 on Helen & Kirby's post also.....

[Marcia & MoneyPenny]

In our puppy class very early on I recall her addressing separation issues. She did specifically discuss both leaving & arriving quietly. Don't make a big deal of it & on the weekends try leaving & coming home several times a day all without any fanfare. If you don't make a big deal of it then hopefully Henry will learn not to either.
Good luck.

[Jayme K]

Thanks for all the advice. I have been doing all of those things since the first day he came home and so many months later it's still an issue. Maybe there is something I am doing that I'm not realizing that's making it worse. Anyways I appreciate everyone's advice and it looks like it may be time to call in the big guns. :)

[Leanne]

I'm having the same issues except Arthur doesn't settle at all when I'm out.  I have just posted in the main forum looking for advice.  I have no idea what to do and I'm now starting to be anxious about leaving him for any amount of time.  On my 20 minute school walk with the children he manages to tear everything in his crate apart and covers it and himself in his poop.  As soon as he is allowed out (waiting to have 2nd vacc) I can take him with me, thank god.  But for now, I have no idea what to do.  He cries at the slightest barrier between us so even keeping him in the kitchen with our babygate won't help :( No toys or treats help.  Not even the irresistible Kong filler :(

Hope you figure something out soon *hugs*

[Nicky, Riley & Boris]

As someone who had a dog with severe separation anxiety for the 12 years we had him I would personally seek professional help. It's hard to know without observing what exactly is going on here. We had 12 whole years of being unable to leave Jasper alone. You may only need one session with a professional but pick one who really understands behavioral issues. I know how hard this can be so all I can do is wish you luck that this can be solved.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I agree that a Behaviorist may be the best answer.  I do think it's possible to address the issue of him reacting when you aren't in the same room with him.  Here's what I would try....

-teach him the down command. 

-put him in a down/stay and walk away....just a few steps.

-if he gets up....say "no" (gently and calmly)...take his collar and put him right back in the original spot.

-if he stays while you take a few steps away...return to him, give him affection and a treat (but try not to convey too much excitement because that could distract him).

-do this exercise over and over...each time getting a little farther away.  Eventually leave his sight.

-You're trying to show him that everything is fine (in fact it's a party) when you leave him and come back.

This will take a lot of patience and it's only just a beginning.  You need to take baby steps.  He will learn that he can be independent.  Also be very conscious of his proximity to you.  Whenever he ventures off away from you that is a really good thing and something to be praised.  Watch his state of mind and reward any little sign of independence.