still dealing with separation anxiety - help

[Rebecca bratter]

I've posted before about my aussiedoodle madiba's separation anxiety, I thought it would ease up as she gets out into the world, spends some time at doggy day care and we even left her with a full time sitter for a week but it's worse.  Madiba is a velcro dog and follow us everywhere in our apartment, almost gets into the shower with me.  My husband is home with her all day and I go to work in the morning.  She's so smart that she now has our routine down and she doesn't like it.  As soon as I go to my closet to get dressed she starts to watch me like a hawk.  When I walk out into the living room she sticks her little nose right next to my leg and is right on top of me.  When I grab my purse, she shoots over to the door with this look like, you guys aren't leaving me here.  Usually we leave her for an hour or so and my husband drops me off and comes home.  Once she knows I'm leaving she starts whining.  

If she gets to come with us she is the happiest girl in the world, but everytime she sees us getting ready to go out she starts to get really nervous and will not let us out of her sight and blocks the door, even on the  weekends when we are going out with her.  

This all breaks my heart so please don't tell me it's my fault, I've never done anything to encourage it or cultivate it, but we haven't stopped it because we never knew it would get this bad.  We have to stop this routine.  I'm thinking of taking her out for a run before I leave to tire her or taking her with us and taking her to doggie day care for a few hours.  She doesn't want to be left at home.  

Some constructive ideas, thoughts, suggestions please.  We all love our doodles and I am totally in love with mine.  Everyone keeps telling me this is my fault but I want to fix this so she can not be in so much distress.  Does anyone else have this problem? How did you deal?  Do I just ignore her?

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

Is she only stressed when you are in the process of leaving or is she stressed out the entire time you are gone? Do you know how she is behaving when she is left alone? I've had dogs that didn't like for me to leave but once I was gone they just calmly waited for my return. Is this the case with Madiba?

[Rebecca bratter]

She ok after I leave but once I get home, she won't let me out of her sight. If my husband and I leave her with a friend to run into Starbucks to get a coffee, she pretty much freaks out.

[Ricki and Tara (doodle)]

Well, that part is good at least.  You  have some good suggestions here that should help with time. We always just leave the house in a very calm matter-of-fact manner and that has worked well for Tara. Good luck!

[Annie Hugie]

Awe, she loves her mommy.  I like your idea about taking her for a walk before you leave for work, so that she doesn't associate your leaving out the door as a bad thing.  Also, remember she can sense your anxiety as well, so when you do leave calmly reassure her..."Mommy will be back soon."

[Rebecca bratter]

I always tell her that. We are going to try the morning walk thing tomorrow.

[Rebecca bratter]

We did the walk thing today, actually we went for a 15 minute jog.  When she realized I was taking her out she almost exploded out the door she was so happy.  We did a brisk job which tired me out and she was panting too but when i came back and got ready to go to work, same deal, following me around nose pressed to my leg and then whining, so that's not working.  

[BG and Gavin]

Don't give up yet.  Keep doing it as part of the new routine.  I am sure it helps her to settle quicker, even if you do not notice right away.

[Christine & Camus]

There are several theories regarding separation anxiety.  One is that dogs are pack animals and that in the wild they are always with their pack, another is that a dog needs a job.  Whatever the reason, IMO you did not cause it, but you will have to work hard to correct. Camus has mild separation anxiety.  He follows me everywhere and does not like to be left alone. If left alone and not crated he started to become destructive.  However, I have found the answer for him.  When I do leave him at home he is crated, even though he is almost 4 yrs old!  His crate is comfortable and large with enough room for him to stand without his head touching the top of the crate.  (He did not like his first crate because his head touched the top.)  The crate door is left open when I am home and he will often go in just to sleep. He goes in on his own without a fuss, all I say is "go to your house."   When I went on vacation a friend (a family with 3 kids and a dog) kept him and I learned that if he is with another dog he does not get anxious.  My friend could leave Camus with her dog and there was never a problem.  What steps you take; re-training, a trainer, specialist, and/or medication will depend on the degree of anxiety. 

[Rebecca bratter]

You bring up one idea here that we've been considering quite seriously and that is to get a second dog.  Madiba is almost 7 months, I'm thinking that when she gets to be almost a year, I'd like to get another grown doodle, 2 years or older.  I notice that she is never lonely when with other dogs, she loves day care and is the most social little girl I've ever seen.  She can't get enough of the dog park.  Add to that the fact that I just love this dog and I love aussiedoodles, I would really like a second one.  Madiba also follows older dogs and learns from them, we couldn't get her to swim but when she was playing with bigger dogs and they all went in the water, she went too and just started swimming.  She tends to really bond with older doodles and poodles.  We stayed at a pet friendly resort that had a resident older poodle, she followed her everywhere and was stuck to her like the poodle was her mom.  What do you think? I don't want to do two puppies so that's why I'm thinking older, calmer dog who can train Madiba and serve as her sibling/mentor.

[Christine & Camus]

I have known of other dogs with SA that did well as long as they were with a canine companion, so it may work for Madibi too.  However, there is no guarantee. If it were me, I would opt for an older dog as well. 

[Jennifer and Lily]

When I leave, even if it is just for a short while I leave Lily in a pen. She has severe separation anxiety if I try to leave her with full roam of my apartment. Although I trust her to be free to roam, the pen is her comfort. When I set it up she goes right in and waits for the treats I give her when I leave. Maybe a crate or pen might help?

[BG and Gavin]

I have never had this problem with my own dog so what I offer you is only an opinion.  It is my opinion that dogs tend to be wired a certain way and how we react to them can either make it better or worse.  Your girl may be wired to be on the anxious side and you will just have to work with her on it.  Here is what I would do (and in fact exactly how I treated Gavin as a puppy):

1.  Have a solid morning routine, starting with a vigorous walk and play session and feed her before you leave.  After feeding is a natural rest time for them, so she will be in a good space for chilling out.

2.  Use a crate for her and give her a stuffed Kong to play with while you are gone.

3.  Be sure you are taking a good leadership role with her in your interactions as I believe this fosters security.  You can do this by tethering her to you while you go about your daily routine, doing basic training each day (down stays are good), only allowing her to do certain things (like go on the couch, or enter a certain room, or eat her dinner on your say-so,).

4.  Be quiet.  Use less words.  Upon leaving do not say good-bye.  Just leave.  When you come home, do not greet her.  Do totally ignore her for the first several minutes.  Hang up your coat, put the groceries away, greet your husband, but do not make eye contact or pet her.  Once everything is settled down, call here to you and then love her up.  The idea is to make coming and going no big deal.  Practice this by leaving for 2 minutes and returning, then 10, 15, 30  over and over.

5.  If she starts whining if you leave and your husband is at home, he should not address it but totally ignore her and move about the house doing his daily routine.

You may be doing some or all of these things, but I think if you do all of these consistently the problem should at least improve.   Good luck and please keep us updated.