Feeling discouraged

[Lauren and Kona]

Hey guys, I recently posted about something similar to this so forgive me for repeating some things.

I brought Kona home on Saturday and when I went to pick her up, I had seven puppies to choose from. Kona appeared to be one of the calmer ones - and I held her for a good little while and she seemed to be a good fit.

I researched for months before bringing Kona home and was well prepared for all that would come along with a new puppy.

Kona is just so crazy. She doesn't stop for one second, it is constant running, biting, chewing, jumping, barking, you get the idea. When I try to approach her, she bites me everywhere she can get ahold of - my toes, my legs, the sleeves of my sweatshirt, my bracelet, my hair, etc. She doesn't even stop for a nap unless I put her in her crate (and that is a challenge).

I know that around this age is when puppies form their initial bond with their owners, and Kona seems to have no interest in me. It is really breaking my heart. I know she is still very young and has a lot of maturing to do, but at this moment, I'm just discouraged. Don't get me wrong, I love her and plan on doing everything possible to train her and give her the best life possible.

I will be starting her in obedience classes as soon as she's had all of her shots. I hope that helps a bit. Outside of how rambunctious she is, I'm concerned that she just doesn't like me/want to be near me.

I'm just not sure what to do right now, to help both Kona and myself get through this rough patch.

[kelly orlando]

Lauren,

I feel terrible for you.  One question that I'm not sure you've answered.  Do you have kids and/or do kids come to your house often?  If so, I'm going to say something that may seem controversial… but Kona may just not be the right fit for you.  I completely agree with everyone on here that IF you can afford a private trainer and IF you have the ability (emotionally,  financially, and time-wise) to dedicate to Kona, its worth a shot.  BUT, if she is hurting you or anyone else, and if she is discouraging you to the point of depression or extreme stress, you should not feel bad about considering finding someone else to care for Kona.  I love dogs.  I love my dogs.  But if my dog was viciously causing harm to myself or to my family, the dog would have to go to someone who knew what they were getting into and someone who could provide the dog what they need.  I do speak from experience.  We had an older dog that my husband and I had for several years before we had kids.  He was precious.  As a young guy, he LOVED kids.  But once my son was born and started crawling around, he bit my son.  Twice-- and once he drew blood and left a good scar on his head.  We had to find him a new home.  It was SO hard, but it was the right thing to do for us AND for the dog.  We spoke with several professional trainers at the time, and while all of them offered to help "control" the behavior, they all admitted that they would not likely be able to "change" the behavior or make the dog completely predictable or safe.  In my house, a dog or puppy who cannot roam free would not be a happy dog.  It wouldn't be fair to my kids or to the dog.  If your house is the same way (whether you have kids or not), then your feelings should not be pushed aside out of guilt or whatever it is that might make you feel like you HAVE to make this work.

Essentially, my advice is that you need to listen to your gut.  If you have enough "good" feelings toward Kona and the resources to make the time and effort to see if you can work through it, then by all means do.  But if you're feeling like she's simply not the right dog for you then its probably best for you and Kona to part ways before things get worse for you or for her (or for you both). Again, I realize that's probably very controversial.  However, there IS someone out there who can help Kona and you can find that person.  We all will help you!  

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Kelly, I understand where you are coming from but Kona is a young puppy and is simply acting like young puppies do.

[Stephanie and Ragley]

I agree- Kona is only 10 weeks old, has limited room to roam during the day, and is limited in exercise options because she is not fully vaccinated yet. I think the poor thing is just frustrated with all the energy she has built up. Keep at it, Lauren! It sounds like you are making a good effort. Be patient and take comfort in knowing that Kona will grow out of this and you are not alone! 

[Deb's Yarrow and Schatzi]

Lauren, Kelly has made some good points.  I have also had to re-home a dog in the past.  I had the best of intentions and loved her dearly but, at the time, she just wasn't the right fit for me. 

Also, a couple of months ago, I was determined to get another pup.  I found the perfect little friend for Yarrow.  I put a deposit on her and everyone I knew was waiting with baited breath to meet the little darling.  As the time approached to go pick her up, I started to feel anxious about it.  I thought those feelings were just normal.  I had similar feelings before the birth of my second daughter.  It meant my life was within days of becoming more challenging. 

But my anxiety started to keep me awake at night.  So, before I fell asleep a few days before I was to go and pick her up, I asked for some clear guidance please.  In the morning I awoke with a gasp.  I was having a terrible dream about not being able to control the two dogs.  (I could have chosen to argue with the message because, in reality, I've been able to control 5 dogs on a walk!)  It's not the message I wanted, but I did ask for guidance and I got it, loud and clear.   I cried but I was still grateful.  Sometimes the timing is just not right.  I now understand the wisdom in the message.  It was about me not coping with all the stresses.  Without going into any of it, I am about to have a lot on my plate this summer.

Your guidance may be to be patient and don't loose hope.  I don't know.

I'm just saying, Lauren, things don't have to work out just one way.  And if you need guidance, you can ask for it.  And from my experience, clarity will come if you are open.  Whether you are asking angels, spirit, Mary or the great and powerful OZ...    Ask with all sincerity and I believe you will receive guidance. 

We all want you to succeed, one way or the other.  Sending you a hug of support from one woman to another.

[Gem's Jewel]

Lauren this is not a vicious puppy! Puppies play like that with each other and your puppy is trying to play with you. A trainer will be able to help you learn to communicate so your puppy understands you. This is a baby...not some two or three year old dog that attacks someone. So wish that you lived close! Take Stephanie's offer to meet up with you and here is the name & number to the trainer my friend used and really liked. ( I may be breaking rules...please all forgive me )
Anne / Blue Grass Canine [phone]. Take care & don't give up.

[Joanne ~ Spud*]

A quiet puppy that does not run, jump, play, bite, go crazy should SCARE YOU for a  number of reasons.

You do not want a shy, scared, backwards pup. It is problems down the road. You dont want a weak and sick pup.  

Think about this the same way you would a human baby.  A toddler that is mellow, doesnt play, doesnt speak, and is too mellow would be a red flag to you.

Your pup sounds normal,healthy,and happy to be with you in its new home and loving life  :)

All pups bite and go crazy.  its normal. It passes and there is not a thing you can do but get her tired out. Go PLAY!!!   Teach her to play fetch

[Gem's Jewel]

Absolutely!!!

[kelly orlando]

Hey all,

I knew what I said might be controversial! :)  But that's good.  Lauren is here looking for help and advice, and all kinds of advice will help.  However, I want to clarify my thoughts from before.  I read the initial post from Lauren and agree-- that probably is just "puppy" stuff.  But there was a follow up (that I cannot find now) where Lauren mentioned that it had gotten worse, and to me, it sounded a little different than just a puppy nipping and playing.  Of course, I sincerely hope it really is just normal puppy stuff that can be addressed and that Lauren and Kona can make things work.  That is certainly the best outcome.  However, it is possible (even if less likely) that it is not something that can be "worked through."  It is possible that this puppy is wired in a way that she may snap or bite without provocation and without an intent to play.  

Again-- Lauren-- this is probably NOT likely.  I'm certainly not advocating for anyone to give up on Kona.  More than that, however, I don't want Lauren to feel like it is her fault or that training and professionals will definitely make it better.  To be clear-- I completely agree that it probably will help and all will work out great.  But even a veterinarian or a professional dog trainer will tell you that some dogs are simply wired to be aggressive, guarded, and stand-offish (as far as affection).  It could be how the dog was born or it could be a bad experience as a very young puppy.  And even if the behavior can be controlled, a dog's disposition (just like a human's) will always present itself somehow, some way.  So Kona IS the perfect dog for someone.  And maybe that someone is Lauren.  But if Lauren is not happy despite truly wanting this to work and putting forth the time and effort to make it better, she certainly shouldn't feel guilty for considering alternatives.  Lauren-- keep your head up.  You love this puppy despite some of her current behaviors, so just imagine what it will be like when she kisses you and snuggles you…. all the work will be worth it!  But if it doesn't happen that way, don't feel like its your fault.  Keep your head up.  YOU are the only one who sees these behaviors and YOU are the only one in the position to know whether this will work out for you.  We can hand out all the advice we want, but this is your life.  You know what you can handle.  Hang in there, Mama!!

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Kelly, your point was valid - totally.  I thought that you might have missed how young the puppy was. I almost did when I first read it.   Some pups are more nippy than others which can be difficult for a first time owner. Sometimes the fit between the new owner and the puppy isn't a good one - no one's fault either - and you are right, that to admit that early on is the best course of action.

[Stephanie and Ragley]

I totally agree that you have made very valid points, Kelly. Puppies are born with all sorts of dispositions. You are right to bring up the points you did. I have the added advantage of being the only one here other than Lauren who has met little Kona in person. Although she was sleepy and probably still a little in shock from being brought home when I met her, I think I would have noticed in the almost two hours I was with her if there was something in her that was indicative of an aggressive or more dominant puppy. She was gentle and sniffed at Ragley and rolled over to show her her little tummy. Ragley is definitely bigger and therefore "alpha" between the two, but there were never any moments in which Kona looked as if she was interested in trying to assert any kind of dominance. From my personal experience with her, I think Kona is probably just settling into her new environment and becoming more comfortable with her new "people" so her spunky side is shining a bit more.

[Cheryl and Finnegan]

Lauren, I understand.  A puppy is exhausting and it's especially overwhelming when you are their sole "person" and it all rests on you 24/7.  Believe me, I know.   But I think, from what you've said, Kona is just being a young puppy. She might not be the cuddly calm chill pill you expected even chill pills turn wild and crazy at least several times a day. Kona is a normal puppy.

Doodle pups need a lot of exercise and it doesn't sound like Kona's getting enough. I could walk my guy several times a day, but the ONLY thing that really tired him out was a play session with another dog.  Doodles are very active dogs and my guy needed that chance to run, play and wrestle.  I'd bring him home after an hour of play and I'd have 12 hours of bliss.  It also sounds like Kona might be treating you like a littermate, rather than the pack leader.  Doodles are smart.  Structure is key and a good trainer can help. This is where you start to create a real bond…and that bond takes time.  It's so much more than learning sit, stay, come.  A dog --especially a doodle-- will read your frustration and either be confused or assume leadership. 

I think you might find some guidance through a trainer and your vet, and then decide in your heart if you can make this situation work.  Sending you a hug of support.  She really is just a baby.        

[Gem's Jewel]

Lauren from the beginning you mentioned that this was one of the calmest puppies in the litter. If she was an aggressive puppy by nature she would have been aggressive and dominate with her litter mates. You are going through a very difficult time, but don't let the stress get to you and keep in mind this is a very new experience. She is almost old enough to start going on walks and the dog park. A trainer would really be able to help you. Have you seen some of your neighbors with dogs? Are there any retired folks who often walk their dogs and are friendly? They may be able to give you pointers and might even help.