Family Tragedy

[Brandon McKinney]

My wife and I recently experienced a family tragedy. We unexpectedly lost our puppy during a horrible accident. Our labradoodle Mac would have been 5 months old today. We picked him up in late May and he immediately stole our hearts. Since we have no children yet we treated him as our first child and spoiled him as such.

This is absolutely heartbreaking to my wife and me. He was our first dog together as a married couple. He was a perfect match for us in every way. Everything from his shades of apricot, carmel, and cream to his temperament and high level of affection towards us. We are struggling to say the least. Especially my wife as he was her companion while I am gone working 24hr shifts at the Fire Department.

What has helped you in grieving the loss of a new puppy?

We understand that we cannot replace our Mac. Although we found that we loved the positive energy he brought into our lives and house. We are worried that we will not be able to find a dog with similar characteristics that we so greatly enjoyed in Mac. What has your experience been?

How soon did you get another dog? Is sooner and later better? Waiting lists for a well bred labradoodle seem to be long. Is it best to get on a list immediately even though we are still grieving? What happens if a puppy becomes available sooner than you expected?

We have so many feels and emotions we are not sure what's right or where to go from here. Any other general advice or suggestions you can offer?

Thanks,

Brandon & Kasey

[Lynda Kamrath]

I am sure you will make the right decision for you.  Hang in there.

[Carol Bordwell]

I'm not sure you ever completely "get over" the loss. It's been 7 years since I had to put my beloved 3 year old child down, due to auto immune disease. Every once in awhile I still get ready.

[Carol Bordwell]

To cry. You could put your name on a waiting list & see. When that time comes, your hearts will be stolen again but perhaps in a different way. It's OK

[F, Calla & Luca]

I am so sorry for your loss. I think the right decision is an individual thing. Good luck.

[Linda, Charlie Brown and Beau]

Just read your post and I am so sorry that you and your wife are experiencing the loss of your beautiful boy Mac.  There is no “normal” timetable for grieving - some grieve longer than others.  Try to be patient with yourselves and allow the process to unfold naturally. When it is time it will just happen.    

We were devastated 4 years ago when we lost our standard poodle and my husband and I both knew we did not want to be without a pet in our lives, but did not think we would have one anytime soon because we were so distraught over our loss.  Three weeks later, I was looking online at standard poodles and ran across a website of a labradoodle breeder in our state.  I called her to just talk about Australian labradoodles and she sent me photos of puppies that were 3 weeks old and I noticed on the website they had been born on the same day our standard had died.  I felt it was an omen, my husband was not so sure.  But we put a deposit down on the litter and  9 weeks later we brought home the sweetest Chocolate puppy we had ever seen!  Just holding him was such a comfort and he definitely helped fill a void in our hearts. 

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Brandon, I am so so sorry for your loss. I think it is important to get another dog because I think it honors the great relationship you had with Mac and gives another dog a shot at the wonderful life you would give him/her.  Timing is really a personal decision, but I think  when you do get a new pup or dog, it might help in the grieving process.

You could put your name in with your breeder of choice and then choose a pup

[Rose]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Colleen, Jake & Baxter]

My heart goes out to you both.  

[BG and Gavin]

So sorry for your loss.  I am sure that you will be able to feel when the time is right.

[Lisa and Tucker]

Sending my condolences to you and your wife on the tragic loss of your puppy :(*

 I don't believe there is a "right" time nor a time limit on your grief. When the timing is perfect for you guys, you will know.

Peace to you both.

[Carol and Banjo]

So very sorry for your loss.

[Bren & Reagan]

Hi Brandon and Kasey,

I loss my labradoodle, Bindi, earlier this year and I certainly understand the heartbreak that you and your wife are feeling.  It has been one of the most heartbreaking times in my life.  We certainly fall in love with our beloved doodles immediately and I personally do not think there is any given time when we know it's right to get another dog.  Our heart just tells us it's time to share the love again.  I went through a very difficult time when I loss my Bindi and even today when friends and family start to talk about her and ask questions I have my difficult moments.  When the rain starts pouring from the eyes....they change the subject.

You are exactly at the right place.  When Bindi passed away and I posted what happened and the grief I was experiencing, I received so much love and support from the wonderful people here.  They truly helped me more then they will ever know.  I will never forget opening my gmail the evening after posting and I had so many notes of support and kind words. People who didn't know my Bindi were sending their love and that meant so much to me.  The kindness here touched me in a way that I will never forget.  So yes, you are at the right place.

Looking for a dog like Mac....I think about finding a dog like Bindi too, but I realize that is impossible.  They hold a special place in our heart and I know I have a big enough heart to find another special place.  The more I focused on finding another doodle like Bindi it was actually more depressing.  Understanding it is impossible, but knowing that finding another doodle to love....now that is possible. 

I sat down and made a list Brandon of why I thought I was ready for another sweet pup and why I thought maybe not.  A few months later.... the "I am ready" side definitely rules over the "I am not ready" now.  Personally I am glad I took some more time to grieve for Bindi, but that is just me and what I needed to do.  I spent that time finishing a journal I had started writing when Bindi was sick.  I took the words about her rare autoimmune disease and shared with sites on the internet, pet hospitals, vets, etc.  Hoping that maybe the knowledge might save other dogs.  I put away that journal and started an entirely new one. The next two weeks I wrote down every happy memory Bindi and I experienced, from the day I brought her home, training, bathing, grooming, the dog park, her silly look when I seat belted her in, snuggles at night, snuggles during the day.....I captured so many fun times.  Periodically I will remember something else and add that too.  It is titled "My Bindi book, never-ending love." 

Follow your heart, only you and your wife will know when that overwhelming feeling of "I just know".... bringing another dog into your lives and giving them the love that both you and the precious pup will want.

For me I know it's time.  One other thing you might like to give some thought to is this....if you really loved the puppy stage, go with another puppy.  However if getting a doodle over a year is more for you, do that.  Personally, I loved having a little puppy to train and work with every day and that is what I will do this time.

Hopefully something I noted may be of some help to you and your wife.

A "thought"....I do have a special wooden box in my living room that a very dear friend gave me with a beautiful quote.  Inside the box is Bindi's first collar and her tags.  It's still to difficult to look at, but it is close at heart.

My condolences to both of you.  Bren