First timer feeling overwhelmed but hopeful

[Dexter Doodle]

Hi all! I picked up my Dexter a little over a week ago when he turned 8 weeks old. I never had a dog growing up and after watching my 13 year old son dog sit for neighbors this summer, I thought I would give him what he always wanted and I also looked forward to a buddy to go on long walks, play fetch, and snuggle with.

I knew puppies were work, but didn't expect it to take over my life. I am a little crazy with keeping a clean and tidy house and it is currently a mess! Dexter unhappily sleeps in his crate at night and is in there when I have to go out, but otherwise he is with me. He usually cries for about 10 minutes then calms down. I take him out once during the night and knock on wood he hasn't had an accident in the crate since the first night. We also have cats and one just completely avoids him, but the other is a ragamuffin and that breed is known not to fight back. I have been successful at getting a hold of Dexter before he gets a bite in. I do worry for my sweet kitty though.

My house has a very open floor plan. Dexter stays with me in my family room/kitchen, but gates won't really work for us. Once I feel he is mostly house trained I will start allowing him to go in the other rooms too, but I'm sure that will be some time from now. We also have a large fenced back yard, but because he is so young, he can walk right through the gate. I keep him close or leashed in the back also.

My husband either works from home or travels occasionally. Since I don't work and was the one who pushed for this, I take on 90 percent of the work. My son doesn't get home from school until 4:30, has homework, music lessons, scouts, etc. he helps, but isn't always around.

I had a trainer in last week when I was completely sleep deprived and hitting a breaking point. She gave me a few ideas to start training with and a few games to play. They work well, but there are times that you can see him just get out of control with jumping and nipping and I start losing my patience and just hope his nap is coming.

There are times when he is calmer and seems to really listen to me and acts so sweet. They are rare, but gives me hope for the future.

I want to walk around with a big smile and say how fun this is as I see so many others do. I know I sound like a big whiner. I am the type of person to just say how I really feel. This is tough and sometimes I am just too tired and don't want to go out in the pouring rain or sit on the floor and entertain and get nipped at. Sometimes I enjoy it, but others not as much.

Everyone tells me the hard work will pay off, but when does it get easier? Looking forward to hearing opinions.

[Jen W]

The first three months I had my puppy were the worst three months of my life.  She completely took over my life in a way I wasn't prepared for and I spent countless hours in tears.  However, those days are behind us now as she approaches her 2nd birthday.  Gone are the days when I could only shave one leg per day b/c I had to make my showers as quick as possible and when she had to be in my line of vision 100% of the time.  

It won't happen overnight, but it will get better.  Lots of training, lots of exercise, lots of consistency.

[Toni Clayton]

I too was completely overwhelmed. My husband insisted we get a dog..I insisted I choose the breed. Both my sons, especially my older one, were afraid of dogs...so here I was, with this crazy cute, crazy wild little puppy that I had no idea how to handle, and children who would run away when he was out of crate.  I remember freaking out to my husband "I don't know how to do this!!!!!". But I learned, a little at a time. I stuck to a crate schedule, because I needed him in there to nap. He could never settle on his own outside the crate. Eventually I did get a pen (wish I had done this earlier) and it was attached to his crate and he could chill in there. I still use the pen. Someone suggested tethering, and though I didn't do that consistently, I wish I had. You can also put a light leash on him to drag around so he gets used to it. The balking and chewing when on leash is completely normal. I used to just walk him in the backyard when he was small to wear him out and get him used to it.  We had a trainer come out and help us with some negative behavior stuff, and eventually started taking him to classes with the same trainer, who we all (including George) love. I did and still do take him with me when I can, and my husband will also. He is 8months now, and though still occasionally crazy, I can see the dog he will be. We train a few times a day, though I'm sure I don't walk him enough. My boys love him, and it has helped tremendously with my older sons fear of dogs...he's still cautious, as he should be, but won't freak if a dog is nearby. We even went to a doodle romp this year, and my sons did really well.  I will say there were days I was so resentful towards my husband, because really, it was my life and routine that has been mostly affected. But we're at the point where I can be a lady who lunches again, lol...so that makes me happy. Just hang in there...the puppy days aren't forever. 

[Shelly]

Hi Christina,

Dexter is adorable! And I completely understand your frustration. Henry is now 2 years old and I'll be completely honest, the first year was really tough. He is not my first dog but he has been the most challenging to train. He began training classes at 12 weeks and was well socialized (I work in a school environment and on occasion would bring him with me), but for the first year I called him my little monster. One thing that worked during that first year was bringing him to doggie daycare 1 day a week. Besides the socialization, he came home a tired dog and was much calmer for most of the week. A word of caution though, do your homework as all doggie daycare's are not what they're cracked up to be.

Walks and playtime were important too-- the tired dog is a good dog rule is very true. I also purchased a dog jogging belt and which allowed me to be hands free and keep him by within a reachable distance. Kong toys are great and stuffing them with peanut butter, applesauce and/or yogurt then freezing them kept him busy and challenged. I also put his dry kibble in an Omega tricky treat ball. Again to challenge him and keep him busy. Additionally bully sticks are great for teething. And remember putting him in the crate or a play area when he is misbehaving will teach him his actions are not acceptable. On the positive-side I will tell you that Henry is now one heck of a sweet boy and very well behaved and the work put into training him is paying off. Ah, and one other word of advice-- make certain you are Alpha at all times.

Hang tough, it will get better!

[Dexter Doodle]

Thank you for your words of encouragement and the advice given by so many others. I'm not going to say it got easier, but I think we both have adjusted more.

Dexter will be 11 weeks old tomorrow. For about a week now, he goes in his crate at 11 and I take him out at 7-7:30. So I am starting to get better sleep which for me is a big bonus. My husband even got up with him one day this weekend and last weekend so I could sleep in. I feel like I gave a wrong impression of my husband. He truly does help in many ways. I feel bad if anyone got the wrong impression of my 90 percent comment. My son has also been a great help. He takes Dexter out several times a day and will watch him for an hour here or there if I need to do something or am desperate for a break.

Dexter still hates any crate time during the day, but I still put him in for about 2 hrs in the afternoon and sometimes 2 more in the evening if we have a dinner to attend or errands to run. I make sure he is tired, and goes potty first. Eventually he will learn it is just a part of life.

If Dexter is not in a wild state (zoomies) I can usually get him to ignore my cats and leave them be. He listens to me pretty well with sit and off. He still nips my hands a bit, but will switch to a lick when corrected and then is given a chew toy. He has also signaled at the door a few times yesterday that he wanted to go out. Although he did potty while out, I'm not convinced that he just isn't saying that he wants to go and play. Today I was vacuuming and he tried to run into the only carpeted room downstairs to go number 2! I caught him in time and he went outside. I think that had to do with the excitement of the vacuum. I make sure to vacuum in front of him daily and make him sit or lay down with a chew toy nearby. He usually does pretty well with that.

I am not good with big life changes. I have a 13 year old and I remember feeling overwhelmed when he was an infant. I honestly could not ask for a better child and am so proud of him. It makes me happy to see my husband and son look at Dexter lovingly and I even feel myself loving on him (most of the time!).

We still have a long road ahead, but hopefully it keeps going in the same direction! Small improvements have made a huge difference!

[Kaitee and Orwell]

I'm glad for you. It does get much better and you wouldn't trade your dog for anything in the world. It's more than worth it in the end.

[Valarie]

Christina,  Thank you for being so honest.  I think we do feel pressure many times to only show the positive side of things.  My friend calls it "your Facebook life as opposed to your real life".  But when you are "real" then you can get real help.  I read most of the responses to your post and don't have any significant advice to add to the what the wonderful community here has offered.  We got Sophie when she was 13 months old and she was already a really wonderful dog as opposed to our first dog that we got as an 8 week old puppy.  I remember those crazy puppy times and the only thing that saved my sanity was a firm schedule.  It's been a long time but it was something along the lines of -outside to potty, eat, train, play,  sleep (crate) - repeat.  I was working full time and would come home on my breaks.  It was tough for a while but what a wonderful dog Clay turned out to be.  We were lucky to have him for 14 years and he was a treasure.  I recently had my first foster dog experience and it was challenging because even though she was an "adult" dog she was quite the handful with very little training.  I retired this year and her care did feel like my full time job.  It was exhausting at times.  She was here for several months until her health challenges were resolved.  And of course when the time came to let her go to her new home it was so hard because she had made so much progress just in that short time.  Others have said and I agree that this time will pass so quickly and every investment you make now in his training will yield enormous benefits in a loving well trained companion.  Good luck and hang in there!!  Valarie

p.s. You are doing your children and husband a favor by involving them in the training and care of your puppy.

[SoSa]

I just needed to post to this older discussion, because it really hit home for me. Christina, your story is incredibly similar to mine. The responses on this discussion made me laugh. Sometimes it's really comforting to know you are not alone and it will get better.

For the most part, thing are going well with our puppy who will be 9 weeks old tomorrow. The challenge is his nipping/mouthing/biting. It is really hard to be lovable with him because the minute you try to sit and pet him, he wants to nip. We also have some challenges with walking him around our home for potty breaks (since he cannot go off range until vaccinations are complete). He has a mind of his own and wants to go where he wants to go. I am constantly pulling him. Often times, he'll start nipping if he does not get to go where he wants to go. Also, he never sits still unless he's in his crate. He is constantly moving, which means we are too, to make sure he does not pee or poop in the house. I am planning to try tethering.

My husband and two 13 year olds have been great. My husband, who was anti-dog (he was totally against getting a puppy) has taken on most of the responsibility, but when he is at work and the kids are at school, it's all on me and I am exhausted. When the kids come home, they'll take over the potty breaks, but they are hesitant to interact with puppy because of the biting.

Anyways, I just found it comforting to read through the discussion and the comic relief was much needed. Saying "no bite' while sleeping is hilarious!!!!!!!!!

[Dexter Doodle]

Thanks for writing in. It was good to go back and read the old posts. How I would have benefited from a crystal ball, but the encouraging words I got were true.

Dexter turned 7 months yesterday. I'm not going to lie, there were many times that I thought about rehoming him. My husband wouldn't even entertain the idea and I am thankful for that. At a little under 4 months, I started training with a balanced trainer. Training and age made such a huge difference.

The nipping drastically improved. I can't say it is completely gone as once in a while when he is feeling frisky he will put his mouth on my hand (no pressure at all) or grab the sleeve of my shirt hoping I will join him in a little rough play. My husband and son often will, but a no from me is all he needs to hear to stop. He will heel like an angel on the leash and we laugh because he knows it and prances with his head held high. This is the same dog that was like a fish on the end of a pole or sounded like he was going to die from choking.

Dexter still sleeps in the crate in my family room and never complains if I decide to sleep in later. He waits for the ok to exit the crate in the morning and will often give "hugs" on his own. He wraps his paws over my shoulders and will try to sneak in a lick. He goes on place when asked and even has automatically gone on place when he sees us sitting down for dinner. He does many tricks like bang (play dead), waves goodbye, superman, ballerina, hugs, and all the basics like sit, down, stay, off, place, roll over, and his recall is great.

I think my favorite of all is how he jumps up next to me on the couch, puts his head on my chest, looks up at me and let's out a huge sigh. My husband and I know it is his saying of saying he loves us. Gone are the days of him try to bite the nose off of my face!

Dexter loves people and can get overly excited greeting them. He no longer tries to bite my cat, but can be a pain with licking and following him. He has dug in our potted plants on the deck. He makes a mess when he drinks and constantly has leaves attached to his fur. He is not perfect, but is worth the work. I can see what a good, loving dog he is already starting to be.

Hang in there! You will have a little snuggler in no time! I'm attaching a pic of us on Christmas morning still in our jammies. We host Christmas Eve and were both pooped!

[BG and Gavin]

Awesome update. Thank you for doing so. I am all smiles!

[F, Calla & Luca]

Ditto!

[SoSa]

What a great picture and update. My daughters are reading these posts and we can see a light at the end of the tunnel. What is a "balanced trainer"?

[Dexter Doodle]

I was hoping it would help. I wanted to post that pic so you could see the difference even if it is a horrible pic of me that is forever out there on the internet...lol. I thought the day of snuggles would never come and he was under 6 months for that picture.

A balanced trainer uses praise, motivation, and corrections. Here is a long story to explain...

Dexter was a nightmare when it came to crate training. I had a positive trainer come to the house after the first week. She had me practice having Dexter go in the crate using treats. I did the training she said for 4 weeks and without fail, he would sound like a hyena for at least the first 10 minutes. Well, one night my husband and I hit our breaking point. He didn't stop for about 30 minutes. We seriously considered putting the crate in the garage or something.

The next morning, I started looking up trainers feeling desperate for help. I gave the balanced trainer a call. I explained what Was going on and what I did so far. Without hiring her or anything, she offered advice. She told me to wrap a few washclothes up with rubber bands to make a ball. She told me to get out of sight and when he started that frantic crying like a hyena, throw one at the crate to startle him out of that crazy state of mind. The first night, I hit the crate about 3 times. The second night I hit the crate 2 times. He never complained again and now loves the crate.

I decided for my training with Dexter I am okay with telling him no or giving a correction like hitting the crate if necessary. We base most of the training on praising good behavior. We did use treats, but also a lot of verbal praise. It is what worked for us, but just like parenting styles, there are many that work.