So much crying. Am I doomed?

[Elizabeth Boychuk]

Hi everyone,

I found this site totally helpful when I brought home my first goldendoodle Cooper 3.5 years ago and so here I am again seeking your advice (and on the verge of a breakdown). We just brought home our new puppy, Howard, on Friday night. He's an aussiedoodle so I'm hoping it's still ok to post in here. Upon bringing him home, my husband and I felt pretty confident about settling him into a routine and making him feel at home. Our plan was as follows (and the same thing I did with Cooper).

When we can't fully watch him or while I'm working (I work from home), he has a large exercise pen with a small pen/bed inside, food and water and a few toys. My plan was to have him be in the pen while I work to get him used to not having me around all the time and I would let him out to pee/play every 1.5-2 hours (of course, depending on how his housebreaking is going). 

At night, we had his small crate raised so that it was level with the bed and I was going to have him sleep there for the first few nights and then gradually move him to the regular 'life stages' crate on the ground beside the bed. 

All this seemed great in theory but has completely failed on me. Cooper was a VERY easy dog to crate/pen train. He woke me up once the first two nights and then started sleeping through the night with little to no fuss. Same thing with going in the pen - he whined a bit but then just started going in naturally. 

Howard is the COMPLETE opposite. He cried the entire night the first two nights (which I think we expected) and produced noises I've never heard a puppy make when he was in his pen. The first time we put him in there he cried for 45 mins. It was just awful to hear. 

Over the past 5 days, I've made a few adjustments - I've tried crating him during the day instead of putting him in the pen as he seems to settle a bit better in the crate. I've added a hot water bottle after noticing him cuddling up to our feet and to our other dog a lot - he definitely misses close contact. Just today, I put on some 'nature sounds' white noise for him and he settled pretty quickly in the crate.

We had 2 MUCH better nights of sleep where I just got up twice to let him out but last night was back to screaming and crying a lot when we initially went to bed.

I know that crying and whining is normal but I don't know if this much is normal. We are doing our absolute best to do what we think is right - we are ignoring him when he cries and are only letting him out/rewarding him when he's quiet. And we're ensuring that he's getting lots of exercise and attention when he's out of the crate.

I woke up this morning feeling totally defeated, full of worry and like I've made a horrible mistake. I guess I'm just looking for someone to tell me that they've gone through this before and everything has turned out okay because right now I feel like I have a puppy who is destined to be a totally neurotic dog, despite our best efforts to try to raise him with lots of good structure and love. 

Please help me!

Elizabeth

[Elizabeth Boychuk]

Haha fantastic. Thank you. I have also been doing the 'make the trips out to pee at night no fun at all' thing and he actually has been settling pretty quick when we put him back in the crate after pee time. The worst reactions seem to be during then day when he's in the crate. Fingers crossed he'll grow out of this!

[Julie, Eloise & Beasley]

You've gotten a lot of great advice here and it also sounds like you're doing your best to help Howard get used to being in his crate.  I don't have any advice to add, but wanted to chime in to say it DOES get better!  :) 

My first goldendoodle, Eloise - now 3 yrs old, sounds much like your Cooper.  She cried a little the 1st night in her crate (expected), whimpered even less the 2nd, and from then on has been a champion quiet-sleeper-thru-the-night.  Enter Beasley, who is now almost 9 mos old.  The first night in her crate, she whined and cried very loudly for probably an hour solid, and then intermittently thru the night. I let her know I was there, but never got her out of her crate.  Her crying lessened each night, but she still whined and cried when first going in her crate for probably 4-6 wks.  After about a week of the crying, when I knew she could settle herself in the crate just fine, I started giving her a "sshhhhh" when she cried but otherwise ignored her.

Beasley just wanted to be next to me at ALL times, which was the opposite of Eloise as a puppy. (I should've tried the snuggle puppy with her, or the hot water bottle you mentioned.)  She hasn't been crated at night now for several months, but it did eventually stop, and she's a great sleeper now.  She's still a whiner - just in life - and overall she's been more "needy" with my attention than Eloise.  Sometimes her neediness is actually a nice thing, but not at 3 am with the loud crying. :)  Good luck, and Howard is a cutie!!

[Elizabeth Boychuk]

Thank you - this makes me feel so much better. It's funny because it's a 'careful what you wish for' type of a thing. I LOVE my Cooper but he's a very independent dog. He loves to be around us but never cuddles and and NEVER cuddled as a puppy. I really, really wanted our second puppy to be more cuddly and affectionate and I guess I got that with all the other 'needy' qualities :). I'm happy to hear that Eloise is a lot better now. I agree - I can put up with some whining but not death screams and certainly not in the middle of the night!

[Katie]

Yep, you're right here. My previous doodle Ruff was a devoted cuddler. He loved and adored me and we had a wonderful close relationship. However that came with the neediness and he never liked his crate. He tolerated it for a couple of months, but I know he cried in it whenever we left him ( left an old fashioned tape recorder running) for the entire time. He was ok at night but had to be in the same room as me. Thankfully he was not a chewer and we gave up the crate at 20 weeks. He was much happier then but he never liked being left (I work from a workshop in my home).

Now Bonnie, even at 12 weeks is a much more independant character, which has many practical advantages but.......

Katie

Ps much as I loved Ruff, I think Bonnies laid back nature will be better in the long run. Having said that she is barking at something in the garden. Better go and see what leaf or twig is threatening the household this time ;)

[Diane, Hurley and Sidney]

How cute! What you are going through is very normal. Patience and time. That Adaptil collar sounds amazing

[Paige and Leo]

You have a lot of great advice on here.  We still cover crate. When we don't he whines and barks.  When covered he goes to sleep.  My friend used the snuggle puppy and  it worked great for her poodle that was very loud at whining.  What a cutie he is too.

[Elizabeth Boychuk]

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to post a follow-up and also thank you again for all the great advice. After I posted, I decided to take a bit of a step back and see if I could try to get Howard to like his crate a little more. Rather than just putting him in while I worked upstairs, I brought my computer downstairs and sat beside the crate and would put him in with a special chew while I sat and worked. He definitely cried and whined but it wasn't as desperate and he started being able to sooth himself a lot better. Right away, we noticed a difference at night. We still have the crate beside our bed but he started going in with minimal whining and last night he went to bed without a peep and slept until 8:15 in the morning - when I lifted the blanket to take a look in he was just chilling out and being lazy. I couldn't believe it! The day time crating still produced whining and crying but it's been less and less with my new approach - now when we put him in and leave he will maybe cry for 2 mins and then it's totally silent when we come home and he waits quietly for us to let him out.

What's even more awesome? Today he started going into his crate on his own to sleep. We couldn't believe it and didn't want to move or make a sound because we wanted him to enjoy a little rest in there.

So things are looking a LOT better! He's still going to be a needier dog than Cooper by my stress level has gone from about a 10 to a 3 and I feel somewhat rested for the first time in a week.

Thank you all!