Time for medication for Stew. Need Advice & help please!

[Jess & Stewart]

We had a training session Monday night. Earlier that day, Stew went in crate in the morning, then busted out of it. He scratched at the doors until one unlocked, squeezed out one side, got partially stuck, then crate toppled over him and he managed to get out. Now yet another thing to traumatize him and make the anxiety WORSE!!!!

Trainer said Stew's behavior raises MANY red flags.

1) He  isn't motivated by what dogs are usually motivated by.

2) Unresponsive in general 70% of the time, aloof. Stands or lays down with head down, white of eyes staring up at you, not moving when you try to engage or get him to come to you. He does engage more with other people, but barely regards me. Although he does have periods of excitement, wiggles etc (when finally focused on play, seeing other people & dogs)

3) Guards very odd/weird objects that wouldn't normally be motivating to a dog to guard (vomit, a magnet that falls on the floor etc)

4)Unresponsiveness & guarding has developed in Stew's head as a "game"- what can I get and guard, how long do I need to sit/stay/stand for Jess to give up and not put me in crate, leave me be, not call me etc. 

I don' want to get raked over coals for this but I cried during the session and said all I wanted was a nice dog and I had first pick and why didn't I see that Stew would turn into Cujo and is he not able to be rehabbed and is he really, honestly a weird dog. Am I stuck with this for 10-13 more years where he HATES me and what did I do wrong. That I literally did EVERYTHING right (or I thought) from the beginning). He's not abused or hit, he gets everything he needs etc. 

Then Stew just looked so cute sitting and listening to us that I said "See, you lookso cute, handsome and playful now Stew, why aren';t you like that all the time?" The trainer said "It's good you see the good in Stew". I said 'no offense, but DO YOU?" All I do is stress over him and he doesn't seem to give a s***." Can he really turn around or is this really his behavior" To which he  said "well all dogs are different and Stew is just challenging. Which IMO, was totally not an answer as I'm clearly freaking out about him. 

Then said maybe we need to think of medication and gave me the name of someone, but caveat that the sessions are long, expensive and very clinical. That they aren't as concerned with certain behaviors like he is as the trainer. Then left it, that were not even trying to get him in the crate and will try to manage my apt by just getting it all behind closed doors (my small bathroom) until we figure out a soultion. 

Last night, my mom & I needed to leave and leave him. We left him out of the crate since we didnt want him hurting himself getting out. Shoved tons of stuff in bathroom, barricaded closet. He didnt bark as we left. Came home, the front door had paint scratched off, bedroom door open, closet door tried to open, scratch marks and paint off. 

What the heck can I do before I get meds and/or secure locks on my doors? Thankfully I'm off tomorrow. HELP!

[Nancy, Ned, Clancy, and Charlie]

Jess, I am wondering if Stew and you just aren't a good fit and that his episodes are too stressful on both of you.  I have a dog with separation anxiety and I really understand what you are going through.    My dog is eleven now and I didn't get his problems correctly diagnosed.  I think if we had known what his problems were and known how to treat him, it might not be as difficult as it is now.  He was extremely destructive when he was a puppy whenever he was left without people.  He outgrew every destructive inch of him, but he didn't outgrow the anxiety and he has gotten worse over the years. After destructive puppyhood,he was okay if left with our alpha dog, but when that dog died - oh boy!  He can still be left at home with our doodles for a few hours, but he can't be left with them in the RV or he barks and howls. We have to adjust our schedule and our vacations - and we are a couple with grown children who help us so that he isn't left alone.  You are by yourself and perhaps it is just too much for one person to handle. I know I couldn't. Some dogs are just high maintenance and too smart for their own good.  I used to have cats and sometimes  I miss the ease of cat ownership.

[Jess & Stewart]

Whoops, sorry, I replied to your post with the one above. Sometimes the site is kind of wonky on my iPad.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

Jess, are you saying that you're closing Stewart in a small bathroom and leaving him there?  That would be traumatic to a dog who already has separation anxiety.  Did the trainer tell you that was "okay"?

[Jess & Stewart]

Oh Jane, you meant in the original post about the bathroom, I think right? No, I meant that I took things that were out around the apartment, a laundry basket, towels etc that we were unpacking and put it in my bathroom before we left so Stew wouldn't be able to get it. We absolutely didn't put things in the small bathroom AND Stew. He was left out. The baby gate doesn't fit in the new apartment & it wasn't up either.

The trainer advised me to see if on Monday the locks keep him out of the bedroom, since that may just solve the issue of wanting to get into the closet. OR that I just make the closet more secure, with locks, laundry in bathroom etc. and let him have access to my bed since he really seems to want to lay on it.

I didn't have a lock on the closet & we put a box in front of it as a block. It didn't work for the closet obviously. He's never gotten into the bathroom or the closet that closes shut, just gotten into the bedroom and closet previously because they are easily pushed/slid open.

[Laurie, Wally & Charlotte]

For what it's worth, I have been following the saga of Jess and Stew, too, and I remember reading something the other day about Stew being closed in a bathroom. And I agree wholeheartedly that shutting a dog in a small, closed space like that is a bad idea. 

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

I agree with Jane. For Stew's sake, he really needs a different home, for the exact reasons Jane stated.

[Jess & Stewart]

He's only had the two episodes of breaking out of the crate and prior to the fiasco of the people in my apartment, he was really perfectly fine being left out since March. I think I've made some of this worse over the past two years because I've worked off & on with trainers but didn't really commit to a training plan or see it through. I remember always asking if Stew had separation anxiety to the puppy class trainer, my vet etc and they didn't seem convinced it was bad. I think I just took that and thought ok, he just needs to be be more comfortable in the crate & I really should have kept up with private sessions after the one I had when he was 6 months old. I sort of felt like the silly games etc that we did during a 1.5 hr session just wouldn't work & wasn't as consistent as I should have been.

I'm hoping the apartment will be a fresh start and combined with the training sessions, we can really tackle
the issues. I'm over the fantasy of what I thought I wanted in a dog because I really would have just caved to what I thought I should have based on others. At first I wasn't set on Stew and the breeder let me know I really shouldn't have picked the one I thought I wanted. I did have a long conversations with the breeder when I was picking Stew, we spent over 2 hours together that day and she did think he would be best. I guess I underestimated my abilities to be assertive. I suppose I could have chosen the puppy that was quiet, didn't interact much but seemed to listen to the breeder but I was worried about getting a timid dog. And Stew is different enough from me that I think he gets me out of my shell, meeting people, making friends with others with dogs etc. If I had the calm dog, I probably wouldn't have done the training class, be playing fetch around Penn or having our Saturday walks to the dog park. I'd be same old Jess with he same lifestyle just with a dog. Instead of Jess & "good old Stewdini". Lol

Are the DAP diffusers, collars, treats etc worth it to try? Or do they really not work? I thought maybe they'd be worth a try.

[Jane, Guinness and Murphy]

I'm still not sure if you're closing Stew in your bathroom when you leave....as I mentioned that would be concerning.  Jess, diffusers and new collars are not the answer for Stewart.  Treats should always be used as incentives and rewards.  You need to start by getting over this idea that you picked the wrong dog and that other people have calm, well-behaved dogs and you don't.  That takes love, trust and a LOT of work.  If you want a calm dog, YOU need to be calm.

[Rosemary (Ro) and Enzo]

^ this

[Karen, Jasper and Jackdoodle]

Amen.

[Kaitee and Orwell]

^ also this.

Dogs mirror our mood and behaviors. Somehow, I'm not sure if a dog is the right pet for you. Jess, I understand you're a fellow Aspie, and I sympathize with you in this. However, I think the difference between you and I is that I find a dog's company soothing no matter what. I don't know why dogs misbehaving is not a trigger for anxiety for me-- because a lot of other little things trigger my anxiety. 

The man who bred Orwell took in two rat terriers from his mom because she was not calm around them. She said that they misbehaved every chance they got, but he took them in anyway. They are now well behaved and calm because of his personality and a little TLC. 

I concur with the members who are suggesting you consider rehoming him. From my readings, your tone seems to be stressed. And while these may be spur of the moment posts and you say you overreact, it is still evident of a real stress that is going on that cannot be ignored. Otherwise, you wouldn't post in the fashion that you do. I honestly think that if there is any hope for this union, you need to receive help for your anxiety before you worry about Stew's issues being his and his alone. 

[Jess & Stewart]

A small bathroom? I don't believe I said anything about a bathroom. I've never shut Stew in anywhere, aside from him being in his crate.

I'm going to install locks on my bedroom door but even then I may just leave Stew out in my apartment without closing the bedroom door since he likes my bed. I'm hoping the locks on the closet work. I am also getting new laundry baskets with lids & may keep those in my bathroom since that door fully shuts. So there won't be the smells or temptation of laundry, fabric etc in the closet.

I'm really not an anxious person at all. I just obviously worry about Stew. I think we'll get past this & he'll get back to how he was recently if we keep with the continuous training etc. rather than stopping like I have previously.